I'm 37 and have been married 5 years and my husband has always had a problem with premature ejaculation, it wasn't that bad when we first got together, but has gotten to the point over the last 2 years where he can't 'thrust' (go in and out) more than two or three times before he cums.
I'd had lovers before who did not have this problem and I was able to have regular vaginal orgasms during sex and even occasional multiple orgasms.
I've never had an orgasm during intercourse with my husband.

That's the background.

He is aware of his problem and sometime over the last year he has developed this 'fetish' of asking me about previous lovers during sex. I resisted talking about them, but I found that he became very excited when I gave in and would tell him a story from college or something, it even seemed to improve his erection strength which he struggles with since he is fairly large down there.
This fetish grew and grew, though he only seemed to bring it up when we were having sex or he was really aroused.
Eventually we were 'role' playing with toys, always at his insistence pretending they were other men. I thought it was harmless until he began mentioning one of his friends repeatedly, wanting me to pretend I was having sex with him.
I felt my resistance 'broken down' over the year or so of this constant fantasy of me having sex with another man. Yes I sometimes thought of previous lovers who were really good, but I never would've sought them out or dreamed of acting on it.
Long story short, my husband had his friend come over and set it up where we were all hanging out and he kept trying to get me to dance with his friend or sit on his lap.
I resisted and we got in a big fight over it. I felt bad and prudish for not being more liberated, though deep down I knew what he was wanting me to do wasn't right.
He kept setting these 'hang outs' over a few months and finally one night I had drank enough or was just in someway tired of being pestered, I gave in.
I had sex with his friend while he watched us.

Instant problems. My husband suddenly realized he didn't like seeing me have another man, especially as his friend did not have the performance issues my husband does.
We fought, he left the house a few weeks after, he accused me of sleeping with his friend again, which I did not, but almost wanted to to spite him, since this was his whole idea.
He's moved back in and we are working on it, but every time we have sex he wants me to tell him what it was like and he seems obsessed that I had orgasms with his friend and sometimes I want to tell him that it was better and that he's pathetic, just to give him what he seems to want to hear!

I haven't dared indulged his fetish though, I downplay how his friend was.
I could understand if he was wanting me to praise him and tell him how he was better, but it's the other way around, he wants to hear me say his friend was a better lover, it is crazy! Where does this obsession come from?
I've never ridiculed him because of his issue, in fact I've always told him how much I like his penis and how big it is, but when I do that he complains that it doesn't 'stand up' even though it doesn't bother me.
I've heard that's common for large penises anyway. It's like he wants to be ridiculed or thinks I'm lying and wants to hear the 'truth'.

I am going to demand we got to sex therapy or I am getting a divorce- which he will no doubt say it's because of his sex problems.

Has any other woman ever experienced anything like this or have any advice of how to handle him and his fetish?

I know I should have never gave in, I don't want his friend and I love my husband very much, what can I do?

I know that some men get off on being humiliated, much in the same way that someone who's been abused might like rape-play... Sex does some weird things to people. He probably does get off on being told he's pathetic, has a useless penis etc.

I have absolutely no idea what advice to offer though....

Copied from a post you made in in the "early ejaculation Questions!" thread in the sex forum -

I am a little confused here as one of your earlier posts (quoted above) says your husband has no problem giving you orgasms ..... quite a bit of conflicting information.

If we don't have all the info sometimes it's hard to give our opinions/advice.

I guess I exaggerated for the sake of giving someone else some 'cheerup' advice. i just identified with her frustration and I suppose I was saying what I wanted to hear myself, I don't know
The latter post is accurate. The way I described my ex bf in the first post is much more like my husband actually is.
This whole recent issue between us has been enlightening for me, I have had to confront lying to myself about his performance in bed, but don't get me wrong, it wasn't anything that would've broken us up, it's his insane fetish that could..
Whenever sex talk came up on a girls night out or something I always exaggerated my husbands ability and my own satisfaction and I don't know why, it's like I'm embarrassed for him or us.
It's why I joined this forum, to finally talk about it plainly as I'm still unable to talk to even my closest friend about it and there I was lying still in my first post.
Thanks for bringing it to my attention, it was kind of an eye opener has to how far I'd gone with the charade.

I hope you understand.

Don't feel bad. I was just clearing it up for myself, thought I was having trouble comprehending.

There are wonderful people here that can offer some great advice.

I'm all for deviant sexual behaviour, but I only really see this as something that can please him, and not you. Unless you want to have sex with lots of different guys that aren't him and he gets over his jealousy issues that will spring up as a result.

Personally.... I wouldn't bother with it - quit it before you get pregnant.

Is it possible that you have both lived in some form of fantasies for a while and consequently you were writing as a "third person" therefore, sort of in a fantasy of it all to make yourself happy pertaining to the first thread?

If so, then i assume your second thread is accurate to how your now feeling.

And, if so, it's only really lying to yourself to gain satisfaction and feel good which has to come out to reality, so things needs to be sorted in that regard.

I guess it would be difficult and i think actually wrong, to discuss his errection problems let alone fetishes with your girlfriends, only because they will talk about him behind your back, and show it probably in their faces if you are at a function together as a group... and the advice will be based on friendships rather than opinions.

No need to be sorry, your faced with a slight delima.

I am sure you've asked yourself this question... What does Ladyjane71 want?

You should not feel you owe anything to him, just because he's your husband so you bend to his wishes, in the end.

You are your own woman and i'm glad that he ended up jealous of what he created however, he's obviously insecure about himself and maybe his way of not losing you but then it's become an obsession to a huge extent.

Personally, he does need sex therapy...

CW