Need Advice

**t-brandon** · 07-12-2008 08:38 AM

I've been through two bad marriages and they have left some very deep scars. Both of the guys were very controlling. Sexually I was put through . Now I have locked everything up inside. Finally I am with someone who is very loving and caring but I can't get beyond the past and it is hurting our sex life. He thinks it is him and no matter how many times I tell him it isn't I know he doesn't believe me. He knows about my past. I haven't told him everything but he knows most of it. Is there help for me or am I doomed to carry this pain around forever?

**jayjay** · 07-12-2008 10:46 AM

I know exactly where you are. People will probably tell you to get counselling, but often
unless you get the right kind, it doesn't help. YOu see, what I think 'works' is when you
can reach the 'so what?'

So if he breaks my heart, 'so what?' I'll have a few days/weeks of 'perfect love'.

So what if he turns out as crummy as guy #1, I left #1 I can leave him as well.

I know it sounds , and am prepared to be attacked, but it works.

Just jump into it, let yourself go, so what if next year/next decade he proves to be
a jerk, you had this year, this decade.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-12-2008 04:59 PM

jay jay
I know it sounds , and am prepared to be attacked, but it works.

ATTACKED....

(Only joking.)

Not at all... Counselling is counselling and in general terms it is how to "get it out of your mind" so that you can move on.

Your advice, is how "YOU" managed to get it out of your mind.. Same thing, but your obviously a very strong person.. I know, as so am I...

But the bottom line is, the past is indeed the past. There are many, many things in life that has happened in our "past" that we did not like, or that we were unhappy about, AND so we change, walk, leave, what ever to then get into our present.

And, the fact that we learn from those "past experiences", sometimes not the first time, sometimes after the second, the real fear is if you then go for a third and don't learn from them.

You have moved into a third "great" relationship that was not like the past two, finally. You broke the chain, you learnt you deserve better, wow, you must feel on top of the world?

Well, you should. Because that is exactly what has happened.

You have in fact broken a chain realising that you are worth more and now you can move on with your life in a positive way, knowing how smart and strong you actually are and that is now PAST.

Your present is great and your future will be even greater....

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