Joy

I had the second part of the Shiatsu class this afternoon, it was just 4 1/2 hours all together. I enjoyed it and learned some things. I do like doing body and energy work. LOL my "partner" was not very well atuned to me, she tended to dig in to my tenderest spots like a homing pigeon. Of course there wasn't supposed to be any "digging in" at all. I just focused on breathing and relaxing so that it wouldn't cause any lasting hurt.

Interestingly, dispite the lack of atunement, she noted to me twice that a spot in my middle back, right about my third chakra, was tight. It was just about where that negative energy had been.

I shouldn't., right? It's just the prejudice that my mind had formed that I have to deal with. lol...anyway, the KID is like a brother to me, and he is supporting me in my healing. We have been talking about him, helping me start my book - he's a writer.

So pleased, but then I know you always will, like me, turn any negative into a positive. x

I hope you did make the day about you.. I know you wanted it to be about the pair of you, darn mate of his hey. xx But i do hope you did.

lol.. Well but, but, you still have to also somehow get your point across... I hope it is a magical roadtrip instead of a grrrrr one. xx

You can't make your bf meet your needs anymore than I can make T meet mine. It would be really wonderful to have a relationship with someone who is willing to put in as much effort at pleasing you as you put in to please them. But that only comes if they want to. You can only do your part. So take care of yourself. Find reasons to be joyful and happy. I'm finding that when I do, there are people to share it. Maybe not who you think you want but perhaps our problem is we are expecting it of the wrong people?

Maybe part of that is really knowing your worth, deeply knowing it. So deeply, that the knowing cannot be shaken out of you by anyone or anything. We undervalue ourselves. This isn't egotism, it's knowing that we are part of and connected to something so much bigger than what we appear to be.

Life is a journey and I'm learning all the time.

Try just letting go of all of it. Hold high expectations, but not from him or even yourself. Hold them for life, so that when you go outside you expect to see beauty, when you meet people or get out in the world, you expect to find good and to have your needs met. Just let go of the expectation of where it may come from. That doesn't matter so much, as just expecting it.