Balldez

I suppose the change is different for different women. In my wife's case and in the case of my friends' wives it has been brutal. They say menopause is not a disease. They lied. I have reached the end of my rope. I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I would rather live with an alcoholic at least they are somewhat predictable.

Ladies, I know this is not your fault. I know the bio chemistry is complicated. I know that most doctors are clueless about how to help. My wife has gradually gone from Dr Jeckal to Mrs Hyde. She has become hyper critical, moody, y, rigid, frigid and mean. She will not see a doctor and denies she has a problem. She is acting pretty much like a drug addict. She no longer get her period but she still seems to cycle as there are times that she is not as bad as others but it is never good.

Our son avoids her like the plague but she is so fueled by her crazy hormones that she is not even making the connection. I feel at this point divorce or separation is the only option. Our son is married.

From what I have seen I don't think crazy menopausal women suffer nearly as much as their families. That being said, if your family is telling you you are out of control and unbearable to be with please believe them and to something about it.

Here is an interesting anecdote: I have a friend who transitioned from female to male. Donna is now Donald. She was pleasant enough as Donna but as Donna she always felt like she was holding on by her finger nails. Donna was a nice person but neurotic is the way many women are neurotic. When Donna began testosterone therapy, had her ovaries removed and became Don all the crazy, irrational stuff vanished. This brings me to a point. If you are putting everyone in your life through PLEASE get HRT. Bio Identical is best. If that does not work get rid of your dysfunctional ovaries because they are the culprit. You will be happier and it is the responsible thing to do. You will probably be healthier once you are hormonally stable.

A friend of mine whose marriage split up due to a hormonally challenged wife has now decided to date and perhaps marry a younger woman. I used to think that these rich guys who replaced their older wives with a young one were shallow because it was a bout looks. I don't think that now. It is not about looks. It is about not being treated like .

If you love your husband believe him when he tells you you have become unbearable and get fixed. You owe it to him.

CHANDLERS WISH

IfMenapause doesn't last forever, how about , " if you love your wife, bear with it until it passes?", " Instead of trading her in for a younger model, that eventually gets to the same place".. Or are you expecting you may be "gone" by then literally...

Your judging a little don't you think?

I always think a "Doctor" knows best...

In fact, we could say a simular thing about men and their non - existant erection as they get older, however with love, we aint going to trade them in for a younger stallion, rather work with them with it, if we can and accept it if we have to..

Don't know, but I don't agree with your statements.

There obviously is alot of frustration and hurt going on inside, but your not posing a question, "how" to get things back to the way that they were, asking advice... rather... venting your frustrations with what "women" in general should do.

How about listening and reading women's thoughts on the subject here, it may be a good start.


Thread moved, from introduction....

CW

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WildChild

Not all women go through this in fact it's been shown that it some cultures they don't experience it at all. This seems to support that diet, lifestyle, attitude and chemical exposure may be factors.

A woman's ovaries do for her what a man's testicles do for him. Do you advocate removing testicles to "correct" innappropriate behavior or bad attitude in men? Perhaps it would greatly reduce domestic violence and rape? Perhaps this would reduce 'men's violence' just as removing ovaries would reduce 'women's neurosis'? This kind of reasoning belongs back in the last century at least.

Many women, as they hit menopause, simply run out of patience for all that they have put up with all their lives. They have carried responsiblity for most if not all of the housework, cooking, cleaning, running around, dealing everyone's everything and possibly earning and income as well. With their children grown they find they don't have as much purpose in their lives, they may become depressed. Living in a society that doesn't value an older woman's skills, insight and knowledge and which put so much emphasis on youthful looks, they feel devalued. Small wonder so many women get difficult to live with.

However, other's of us find this a time of discovery and joy. We are expanding our lives, starting new ventures and having adventures. It is possible that a change in your attitude just might help her attitude. People tend to meet our expectations and their own. if you are both expecting this, well - what else could you expect?

I don't doubt you are frustrated. But being supportive will do far more than labeling her neurotic, insisting she have surgery for your sake or finding a younger women. How about a full physical for her, including blood work and maybe one for yourself as well? Then start an exersize program, join a gym together - physical activity can make a big difference, look into some healthy diet changes for both of you and make sure your meat and dairy products are hormone free? The BGH acts as a hormone receptor for our natural hormones and can really mess things up!

Sometimes you guys really aren't much fun either LOL. My experience has been that most males have moodiness throughout their lives. From a female perspective many of you could be regarded as difficult to communicate with, going through cycles of being withdrawn, being cranky, some get violent and it is often cyclic. Because men have set the standards for so long their behavior has been regarded as 'normal'. Really as societies that has meant that a lot of women and children have lived with some pretty intollerable behavior. Men go through a change of life too. But in their case that means a reduction in testoterone and a mellowing.

People can be tough. The better we all treat each other, the more understanding and tollerance we can show, the easier it will be for all of us. Hopefully you will find a way to help your wife through this and into a happier time for both of you.

crazylulu

I agree Wildchild. don't know if this thread is still going, but, I just want to say that my husband too has had some difficulty with me as I enter menopause. I am only 40. His first complaint was the bit of stomach I put on, as I have always been very thin. Next it is the complaint of my moodiness. Now, however, he is more understanding. he knows that I have a hormonal change happening, and has stopped arguing with me because I have become more combative and increasingly irritable. I don't want to be like this, but, I wake up, and low and behold, I am in a bad mood. I am waiting at the moment to see a doctor about HRT. We also have a 4 year old son, which for me makes it very important to find a way to control this incredible emotional rollarcoaster, not to mention the physical problems like the sweating and not sleeping well. I sometimes think my husband is having a kind of menopause too, as he is often moody and silent, and then sometimes not. Anyway, sorry to hear that it is causing a problem. And I agree, if it is real love, REAL, true caring for another person in this world, then our intelligence will tell us that we have to go through these periods of life that happen to everyone. Men who want to trade in their wives for a younger one are misguided at best. In short it is a form of denial, or just not being able to confront the rudimentary facts of life. All women go through this at one point or another. It doesn't take much to evaluate the situation and be understanding. In the long run, we are able to make the passage as a couple and together, and reach the other side, when we really are very old, and all we want and really need is the person next to us who knows us, cares for us, loves us, and has stuck by our side. It is a true test of character. And for many generations, people have gone through this together. For some reason today many people think it is just easier to bail out. But they are missing an important phase in life. So what if men don't have officially menopause. That doesn't mean that they don't go through it too, from many aspects. This is life. Being a teenager wasn't so simple either. But we live through it and we grow from it.