A Worried Husband

**a_worried_husband** · 06-03-2010 04:19 AM

My wife recently turned 30, and is acting severely out of character lately. She has been experiencing irregular periods for several months now, almost completely random in frequency and length according to her (she used to talk to me about things like that until very recently). She hasn't seen a doctor about this problem and is now not talking to me and seems to be in denial that there is a problem. I am assuming that the problem is still ongoing though due to the sheer number of sanitary products being purchased on a weekly basis.

Alongside the irregular periods, my wife's mood has been fluctuating wildly (as with normal PMT but much much more pronounced). Cycling between 2-3 days of happiness and out-of-character flirtatiousness and a week or more of seemingly severe irritability where she is almost entirely unapproachable, very snappy, I can literally do nothing right. Basically the highs and lows of her normal menstrual mood swings are very severely pronounced as well as being irregular.

The reason I am asking for advice here is that I believe she may be experiencing an early menopause (or some other hormonal problem) and I wondered if any women here could share their experiences. One of the reasons I'm lead to believe this is that her recent behaviour, especially the withdrawness is very reminiscent of a bout of post-natal/post-partum depression she had several years ago after the birth of our second child. She now seems to be in denial, as with the previous depression, that anything is wrong, pretty much totally ignores my existence on a day to day basis, and snaps at me if i so much as talk to her.

I don't want it to sound as though I'm complaining about her behaviour here. I'm simply very worried about her, and merely stating all the facts in the hope that someone might read this and find similarities with their own experience

As well as the symptoms previously mentioned she is also hardly eating anything at all recently. This is also a worry.

The low mood (depression?) seems to be steadily worsening, up to the point were she is talking about moving out because she "wants to enjoy her life", and I'm worried she will actually do this.

If try to talk to her about this I am shouted at. If I try to offer any affection, hugs etc, I am bluntly rejected. So I am currently just leaving her to it, but I'm concerned this is a very supportive solution, although I'm not sure what else I can possibly do.
I wonder if there are any women reading this that can relate to these symptoms/feelings and can offer some insight into whether my wife's behaviour might be symptomatic of early menopause. Obviously it's also possible that she might just hate me, but I wouldn't like to give up on my marriage if this is just a medical problem.

Obviously I'm not looking for a definitive answer here, but hopefully someone can help

Thanks in advance

A very worried husband

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2010 04:25 AM

Sounds to me that she is confused, not knowing what is going on, embarrassed to share, but you seem to be switched on, know her, and in understanding.. She has to not fear you, rather, share and cry and see..

Any reason why she won't go to a Doctor? It's un-usual for a woman of that age to go through menopause and also, usually pre-menopausal does relate to mood swings, but usually no periods.

Has she changed birth control? Not on one?

CW

**a_worried_husband** · 06-03-2010 05:27 AM

It's odd because she's never been afraid of sharing her "women's problems" before. And probably shares much more than most husbands would probably be comfortable with to be honest. Not that I'm complaining. A problem shared and all that.

She didn't go see a doctor because she was waiting for the results of her smear test and figured it would be a wasted trip to go see the doctor and be told "you'll need to come back once we have your smear results".. but since getting an all clear on that the denial seems to have set in. She doesn't have time etc. Most recently as i say though, she just isn't acknowledging me at all. Only to tell me she's fed up and wants to move out :S

You asked about birth control though. Yes, she stopped taking birth control pills roughly a year ago because she had just about every side-effect of every pill she was on.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-03-2010 05:32 AM

Well, I stopped as well and I missed 4 months .. Had what I thought was pre-menopausal, then had a period last month and here I am again, nothing, and grouchy but ok

But have you checked those tests? Just saying

It's evident even at my age I am not pre-menapausal but, the swings are there, so I think you need to talk to her, I'm thinking of going back on them, just so I can be normal again

Or finding out what else I can do but without speaking to someone qualified I won't know myself.

What to do...

CW

**a_worried_husband** · 06-03-2010 05:40 AM

Thanks for sharing what you know,

So yeah, maybe not pre-menopause, just a hormonal imbalance caused by stopping birth control. I guess that could/would cause similar hormonal symptoms. I guess the only way to be sure is to have a doctor run tests... so we're screwed

But yes, I've seen the letter from the hospital and it's 100% clear, so it's definitely not that she's just freaking out about that.

**NO_MORE_PMDD** · 06-04-2010 09:35 AM

Wow! Kudos to you...sounds like you are a great husband. Sounds like she is definitely experiencing hormonal imbalance. My suggestion is natural progesterone - do you reasearch google low progesterone symptoms, estrogen dominance, progesterone therapy, etc things like that. You should be able to find some helpful information. Then she will need to be open to helping herself, obviously you can educate yourself but ultimately she will have to take some steps...I believe it starts with education. I can tell you I suffered from PMDD due to severe progesterone deficiency and I wanted to "just be alone" because the depression, irritation were so extreme. I am a happily married woman with a teremendously wonderful man. None of this made sense. Since I have been supplementing with natural progesterone - I feel alive! I have energy again, love life, love my husband!! It saved my life and I can't express enough how incredibly horrible the symptoms had gotten. BTW post pardon depression is from low progesterone levels.....so that is my suggestion.

Best of luck to you and your family!