No sex drive

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-21-2010 04:53 AM

I met someone else,seemed really nice, then when I said I wanted a baby he went and got the snip and wouldnt talk to me. I was very very upset and felt like my last chance had been taken away! I was close to leaving and i had to ask myself did i wnat to be with my partner if we didnt have children and i felt i did. It has been a hard emotional time, i have had counselling. I do think i must get depressed,

Hey sweet, if he got the snip, then there are no children in the future. So what is in your heart? This man whom got the snip the moment you mentioned children that your with when you want children? Or, someone else that will love you and will want to have a child with you? 44 is okay but the longer you leave it.

Seems this man Vonny is comfortable in the life he has with you.

Seems you want a child...

Seems he doesn't, not even a foster or adoption, he doesn't want children.

If you want children,and he is not interested in adoption or even fostering, then you have to make a management decision and keep searching...

What is in your heart of hearts?

CW

**jns** · 06-21-2010 09:00 AM

Vonny, it seems your sex drive went when you were rejected in your quest to have a baby. As CW said, at 44 you can still have a child. Is your husband still against it? He could have changed his mind. You never said what he stated as a reason for getting snipped. You may have to use donated sperm, or he could have the snip reversed in certain cases. You could carry a donated egg if necessary. I think it is possible that your sex drive will return to some degree if you no longer feel rejected and have a way to fulfill your desire to have a baby.

**Vonny** · 07-20-2010 09:28 AM

Hi I posted my thread sometime ago, then i went on holiday. I havn't had any answers or help,or advice. I just was asked more questions. I have only been married 5 years, I am 44 and my husband is 50. i just don't have a sex drive any more and the feelings are not as intense. Please help!

**LanaBear** · 07-20-2010 10:23 AM

I merged your post with your other thread.

Unfortunately we are not going to have the answers for you. We can offer our opinions and advice, which is what was done.

You were asked more questions because people wanted more information.

Sometimes lack of sex drive just needs some real soul searching. You have to find out where it went and why. Have you had your hormone levels checked?

**pretzel** · 07-20-2010 10:55 AM

Definately follow Lana's advice. She's written some great comments on this subject.

First and foremost if you want it back then you'll do everything you can to do so, not only for partner, but more importantly for yourself. I live with someone who believes that her sex drive will just magically reappear and until that time, tough s... and deal with it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-20-2010 12:03 PM

I find it probably no simple coincidence that your lack of a drive for sex ended around the same time your hopes for a baby did. It seems your drive dropped off right around the time your significant other made it clear he wasn't interested in having one. Perhaps you are harboring some resentment and it has manifested itself in your sexual drive, or lack of it.

Have you come to terms with the prospects of moving forward in your relationship without kids? That might be the first thing that needs to happen. It sounds like you had to make a choice that went against your hearts desire to keep the man you love and somewhere your wants and needs got lost in the shuffle.

When depressed you are likely to not feel 'sexy'... you may be down about your appearance, youth, etc and if you are not feeling good about yourself in general its hard to find yourself craving for sex. I think feeling sexy and desiring sex go hand in hand.

You might want to get involved in some activities that boost your mood, be it exercise or charity work... something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Depression meds can lower sex drive, but depression itself lowers sex drive so its really a case of chosing the lesser evil... the one that helps you have a functional life. Perhaps your doctor can work with you on trying alternative medicines some have the sex effect and some don't with different ones responding differently in different people.

The counseling is a great step forward, you have feelings to deal with. I hope your partner is being supportive of what you are going through.

I think once you get your depression under control... your sex drive will start improving, sex is so much more mental that physical and if your head isn't in the right place, your body isn't likely to follow.

You also might want to try inniciating sexual experiences with your partner even if you aren't organically driven to do so, using lube to facilitate the experience etc... maybe doing sexual things will remind your body of the pleasure you are able to feel.

**Vonny** · 07-28-2010 05:21 AM

Hi thanks for you help. I do get down and depressed, sometimes I may be and not be aware of it! if you know what I mean. I am on a waiting list to see a counsellor. I went to see the Doc yesterday and he said my blood test all ok. I do know like you said feel that I had to sacrifice my needs for my partner, there may be resentment but its not at the surface. I told the doc that when I get stressed i feel more tired, he said that happens, so I do need to work on something to help stress, like you said if I felt better in myself the who knows! also maby i expect alot, i'm not going to get the DESIRES of my twenties!!!!!!!

**Vonny** · 07-28-2010 05:28 AM

Hi it has taken me ages to find the replys to my thread!!!!!

Thanks for your reply, reading what you put I still feel emotion inside, I guess I am still sad at my loss or my relationship, I don't think it is close or initmate or affectionate as it should be. I cannot have children now myself as I had an op to treat my heavy periods which have made my life . I have been to see a counsellor.

**Vonny** · 07-28-2010 05:31 AM

Thanks, you are right my sex drive did go then because I had been rejected. I have had an op to stop my periods been heavy, so i cannot have children now. he never really told me why he had the snip, so i was so angry.

**Vonny** · 07-28-2010 05:33 AM

thanks understand re answers! found out hormones ok.

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