Hi pretzel, CW, wildchild and others,
Regrettably taking time out for a week is a no go. I'm flexible - being my own boss the majority of my time is my own. However my SO is an employee and has just returned from six weeks leave. We didn't go anywhere because of the house BS and also her daughter visited from New Zealand with her toddler and partner in tow.
Which was nice having them here but stressful for my SO.
As it is, my SO doesn't need to work, we can live comfortably on what I make. However were we have moved to, now means it's no longer a 5 min drive to work but 2 hours drive each day. The reason why she has a new car. Back in 2007 we took 12 months off and lived on the Mornington Peninsula. Though six months into it she got herself a job - my SO tends to get bored easily or finds it hard to relax (totally).
The other night, I cooked dinner - I cooked last night too and in the course of that I asked her if there was anything she'd like to chat about. Of course I got the usual paranoid questions in reply. Always questions in response to questions, resolving to my SO asking if I have something to confess - you gotta luv her.
Out of all of this, including the much appreciated advice and input from you all on the forum, I've decided to try and get us into some counselling. Not to address the menopause issues but to help us connect again. It's easier to listen to someone else saying I think you could try this or that, than me trying to say it because I'm too emotionally involved.
Right now there are no boundaries in our interpersonal interactions. Coupled with the fact we spend most of our time in different rooms, all this manifests itself into, in essence, a communication break-down. What I believe would be beneficial for us right now is to learn how to re-connect with each other.
Of course baby steps are the order the day and a realisation that it may take a bit of time to get this to gel. But to me that's ok and I hope my SO feels the same way. So I'm going to approach the topic when I feel she can deal with it but not leave it to a point where it just sits on the back burner again.
I kinda see this step along the lines of, if nothing changes nothing changes. And if you do nothing your part of the problem and not part of the solution to fix it - if it's fixable which I think it is.
Again I'd like to thank everyone for their input and time given to help me through this crisis. I'll keep everyone posted on our progress.
Cheers
Dave
Last edited by aussie-g; 03-02-2011 at 11:33 PM.
If you don't give 100% then you never tried.
You seem to me to be very intelligent approaching this in a sensible and rational way, good for you Dave.
2hr drive there and back to work daily is going to suck you know that don't you
Maybe see if you can go for a drive somewhere different, Saturday or Sunday and just enjoy.
Best wishes to you, thanks for the up-date.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Dave I wish you the best with this. Counseling sounds like a good idea, keep in mind that they aren't all equal. There are some really good counselors, there are some really bad ones and some very medicore ones. Do interveiw some, get some recomendations and if you don't like how one is interacting with the two of you don't be afraid to find another.
I hope that your SO will come to recognize the need to make changes and meet you half way in this.
Last edited by WildChild; 03-03-2011 at 08:20 AM. Reason: darned dyslexia
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
I'd be very cautious in suggesting the counseling route though. There is an inherent impression that "there's something wrong with me" connotation in suggesting counseling. This may actually cause more problems.
If the first goal is to re-connect I think that could be addressed without counseling. Think back to the those things that both of you enjoyed doing together and what it is that strengthened and allowed the relationship to flourish in the past and try to re-ignite the passion that way. It may be a more comfortable approach for her to get her refocused back to you.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
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