Menstruation and bed stains

**rockandahardplace** · 12-19-2006 05:43 AM

Hi ladies,

Firstly, I'm a guy. There. That's out of the way. I'm coming here because I'm stuck on a problem and I don't know what to do about it. Granted, that happens all the time, but this one is especially difficult.

My girlfriend and I live together. She has a heavy menstrual cycle and I am fine with that. I try to get over to her that I am supportive of her needs there but she makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or am doing something wrong.

The problem is maybe 2 nights out of the month the bleeding is so heavy that it soaks through her pajamas, through the sheets, and into the bed itself. She gets upset with me when I expect her to clean it up, and tells me that it's a womans thing and I have to "deal with it". But that's the thing, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, but how do I convince her that cleaning it up is not an insult? She gets so bent out of shape when it happens and she cleans it up. I mean, it's certainly unhygienic (and disgusting) to leave it, and I don't think it's disrespectful at all. I just don't know.

Being a guy, I present the case analytically. We have 3 practical options when dealing with this problem.
1. Plastic sheets for a week out of the month (She doesn't like this option because she relates it to being a childish bed wetter and says I'm treating her like a child by even suggesting it)
2. We leave the bed as is and sleep in nasty crusty blood spots.
3. I end up cleaning it every time because she doesn't want to (I've done it a few times, but I won't do it every time.. and besides that, it doesn't all come out. There's still residual stainage.)

So, basically, as always is the case in the affairs of women's emotions I think I'm handling something wrong, but this one is a doozie. What do I do? How can I convince her option #1 isn't treating her like a child but is a practical solution to the problem?

Thanks,

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

**Yeebs** · 12-19-2006 09:29 AM

Well, sometimes i have the same problem, but i clean it up right when i wake up. I take some hot water and a little bit of bleach and clean up the stain. I get it so you don't see anything anymore. and of course wash the sheets or blanket, or where ever it happened. To be honest with you, sleeping on plastic would be uncomfortable, that is probably why she won't do that. Maybe she isn't wearing enough or the right protection when she is sleeping? I would just keep asking her to clean it up, then maybe if you keep asking she will eventually get the point and clean it herself. My boyfriend will now and again remind me, and i do with no hesitation. Yeah its gross so thats why i clean it.

**AFemaleProdigy** · 12-31-2006 07:47 PM

Very interesting question. I am glad you came to us for advice!

I do admit that it is kind of hard to control the bleeding at times. I too am a heavy bleeder during the first couple of days. Some times it will start unexpectedly when I am not ready for it. I have learned a lot of ways to deal with it though (being 28 years old).

First, it always helps if a woman always marks a calendar when her period starts. This way she knows when to expect it. Around the time she expects to start it, she should start sleeping with maxi pads in her panties. This will prevent any accidents while she is sleeping. It is also important to use the right kind of pads while sleeping. You should buy thicker, longer, and wider pads because she changes positions in her sleep and it will offer better coverage. If I use smaller pads, it always gets out somewhere. She should also wear them with full bottom panties and not thongs. Those things will help.

If she still has a problem of getting blood on the sheets, I agree that she should be getting up and cleaning the mess right away on her own. If the blood is cleaned up immediately and thoroughly, you should be able to get the stain out. If you let it sit there, the stain will be much worse and the blood will soak farther down into the mattress. This not only causes staining, but the mattress will also eventually start to smell bad. Not to mention it harbors bacteria.

She should get up right away, strip the sheets off the bed, and absorb as much of the blood as possible with thick paper towel or a towel. There are some spray on stain removers which you can spray on the mattress. There are also some sprays that are specifically for removing urine and blood stains and are made to eliminate odors as well. I have also heard that sprinkling baking soda on wet stains will absorb the liquid and kill the odor. Let that dry and then vacuum it up.

My personal opinion is that no one else should have to clean up your period messes. That is just gross, inconciderate, and selfish. Not unless she is in complete agony from cramping or is sick or something and just can't do it. Otherwise, it sounds to me like she is being lazy. Or, maybe she likes having you clean it up for some strange reason? I am not sure really. She shouldn't expect that to be up to you to clean it. She should also understand the need to clean it up right away.

You are going to have to make her understand that what she is doing is unfair to you and that it is going to cause problems in your relationship (if that's the case). Ask her this, if you developed a bed wetting problem and you made her clean it up, ask her if she would be ok with that. Ask her if she would be ok sleeping in it and letting it ruin her mattress.

I own a $700 king size pillow top mattress from King Coil and let me tell you, I get so mad at myself when I get something on that mattress! I also would NEVER ask my husband to clean up my blood unless I was physically incapable.

Good luck to you.

imported_lilly41 · 01-01-2007 08:02 AM

Hi Rock
Yeah im a heavy bleeder to its a pain in the butt leaving a blood spot on the bed i clean it when i wake up strip the sheets off and soak in with bleach to get the blood spot off . just tell your girlfriend to keep cleaning it and to get a clean tampn ot pads before she goes to bed .

Good luck with it

**CJT61106** · 01-02-2007 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by rockandahardplace

Hi ladies,

Firstly, I'm a guy. There. That's out of the way. I'm coming here because I'm stuck on a problem and I don't know what to do about it. Granted, that happens all the time, but this one is especially difficult.

My girlfriend and I live together. She has a heavy menstrual cycle and I am fine with that. I try to get over to her that I am supportive of her needs there but she makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or am doing something wrong.

The problem is maybe 2 nights out of the month the bleeding is so heavy that it soaks through her pajamas, through the sheets, and into the bed itself. She gets upset with me when I expect her to clean it up, and tells me that it's a womans thing and I have to "deal with it". But that's the thing, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, but how do I convince her that cleaning it up is not an insult? She gets so bent out of shape when it happens and she cleans it up. I mean, it's certainly unhygienic (and disgusting) to leave it, and I don't think it's disrespectful at all. I just don't know.

Being a guy, I present the case analytically. We have 3 practical options when dealing with this problem.
1. Plastic sheets for a week out of the month (She doesn't like this option because she relates it to being a childish bed wetter and says I'm treating her like a child by even suggesting it)
2. We leave the bed as is and sleep in nasty crusty blood spots.
3. I end up cleaning it every time because she doesn't want to (I've done it a few times, but I won't do it every time.. and besides that, it doesn't all come out. There's still residual stainage.)

So, basically, as always is the case in the affairs of women's emotions I think I'm handling something wrong, but this one is a doozie. What do I do? How can I convince her option #1 isn't treating her like a child but is a practical solution to the problem?

Thanks,

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

Hey! Thanks for coming to this site-its good to see guys THIS concerned! Okay now w/your problem: First of all this is hard to say-but you need to consider if this is the woman that you wan't to be w/forever, if so..her attitude towards you seems like a problem, it's quite rude of her to expect you to clean it up or for that matter get mad when she has to clean it up-I am a heave bleeder and if and when i spot thru I freak out and clean it up immediatley! I hate for my husband to even know-yeah like she said it's a part of her and she has not a lot of control over it-but it's once a month-so she should deal w/the fact that she might have to be uncomfortable for a wk and wear extra thick pads and full bottom panties and the plastic sheets would even be a thought-I would consider them. And the wetting the bed scenario is a good Idea but she seems like one to get easily angered-so that's in your hands-but if she can't understand that you dont mind that it happens or you understand that it happens and that you would just like her to clean it up-then ya'll've got more than this problem on your hands..I hope I helped in someway! Good luck and just be honest w/her

God Bless!

**Montana** · 01-28-2010 03:51 PM

We have a mattress protector - it's a bit like the plastic sheet idea but it's made of fabric rather than the plastic kinda sheet. It also protects against other "accidents" that may occur.

If I have an accident and I notice in the night I get up and change my pjams and my undies etc (TMI?) when it comes to the bedding - if it's bad and it needs to be dealt with there and then I have to do the mean thing and wake up my hubbie. If it can wait till the morning I just make sure I get up a little earlier and deal with it - especially as we have a housemate we have to get it sorted so that when we get home from work we can run the tumble dryer (we have to have the back door open as we don't have an extractor thingy lol)

I don't mean to be mean. I accept that time of the month is something that needs to be dealt with either way but when it comes to leakages then your girlfriend needs to step and take responsibility.

**WildChild** · 01-28-2010 03:55 PM

This thread was started in 2006, with only a few posts. Now of these posters have been around for a long time. Please, start your own thread on something you would like to discuss or join in the discussion on current threads.

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