Girlfriends severe PMS damaging the relationship - Page 2

**Kallygirlie** · 07-02-2009, 03:07 PM

whildchild, unless you've been there you have no idea. Seriously, my man gets the blunt of my freak outs. my family and friends dont even know i'm that bad until i tell them. the one you love or feel most comfortable with is usually the one that gets the emotion. Like we've all said, its embarrassing.

**WildChild** · 07-02-2009, 05:25 PM

The woman is hitting him, that is abuse. If a woman posted that a man was doing this what would your response be? Probably to get out now, call the police, insist he get therapy. You can't have it acceptable or justifiable from one sex but not the other.

If you can limit who you dump on, then you can and are controlling it, although may be not consciously. Otherwise you'd dump on everyone equally. Why and how would a hormonally induced situation cause you to just freak out on only one person? There has to be a reason. I've watched kids do this, they'll throw a fit with one adult (usually the one who gives in) and not with another (it won't get them what they want). So my assumption is that the woman may be feeling out of sorts and takes it out the person(s) she thinks(again it may not be conscious) will take it.

It's kind of like Mr. Nice Guy, who is pleasant to everyone at work and goes home and breaks the kids arm and gives his wife a black eye. He knows at some level where he can and can't get away with it. Sorry, I grew up with abuse. Abuse is abuse, no matter who is doing it to whom or when and if they can control it in public they can control it in private. Anything else is a cop out. BTW many abusers male and female are cyclic.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-02-2009, 06:26 PM

There's got to be more though than a "back rub" to cease this.

I admitted that i can get "snappy", but I wouldn't lash out and hit my man and there, Wildchild is correct, if this thread was about a man doing this to a woman, there would be a completely different tone about the replies.

There could be reasons such as the pill she is on, you are on, is not strong enough, that neither of you are preparing for your periods before they come, with meditation, drinking more water, creating a "calm", in preperation.

If you think the above doesn't work, I'm here as living proof to tell you IT DOES...

I walk, i drink water, i stretch, i get my mind set and say "hold on woman", and the difference of the irritibility and the pain is 50% cut by doing so, has been for years.

Also, the other factor is "personality"... I think that if you only react to the person closest to you, that's your personality. Because if you don't give a shirt about people in general you will explode under this pressure regardless to whom your around.

Obviously both the threaders girlfriend and yourself, feel that you can lash out at hte person closest to you but no one else, kind of "hide" that from the world..

I would suggest both seek Doctor's opinions pertaining to how to "relax" more, ie) medication to take during this course.

I agree with Wildchild too.. ABUSE of any form is dangerous to the other person.. Be it physically, a dish flying accidently hitting the other person's head and causing severe injuries, even death, or mentally, finally breaking down yourself because you can't handle it anymore, or even walking out on your partner as a result.

If you love your partner, don't make excuses for why it happens, it's PMS, or PMMD or PFFFT, find a solution to ease it for you and for them and seek professional advice in this regard.

CW

**caterpillar79** · 07-02-2009, 08:44 PM

CW, WC, you are right! I had my episodes, and they are getting worse... I am having problems and my SO is sorely affected. I am not violent, instead, I become very sensitive and withdrawn. But this freaks him out. It's like having snappy tom for meals all day everyday for 4 days! Whew!

Can exercise and / or sex alleviate this?

**Joy** · 07-02-2009, 09:58 PM

I agree with CW and WildChild.... with CW for pointing out you can prepare for the emotional roller coaster by being aware of your behavior and chosing not to react in a physical manner. Chosing to direct that explosive energy in another direction and outlet.

Wild child you are right abuse is abuse and if was the other way around totally different tone.

Men have to learn that women are more hormonal and they too must be aware of this.

**Joy** · 07-02-2009, 10:02 PM

exercise can help alot and so can diet.... eat foods that don't bloat you as much are easier to digest. for myself eating lighter smaller meals or snacks helps. I love chocolate but I do much better staying away from chocolate and opting for Pinapple or Strawberries.

**Kallygirlie** · 07-06-2009, 08:26 AM

Though everyone makes great points that I agree with, I honestly believe its just depends on the type of person you are. Like I said before, My personal issue didn't arise until my Mom passed away and I was put under alot of emotional stress. On top of that I have been on my own period for 2 straight months now. Up until all this, I had the normal PMS symptoms. It wasn't until the past few months that I started lashing out. Why don't I lash out in public, because my SO is the one I see and talk to every single day. There are more chances are him setting me off. If you dont see family or friends for days, its less of a stressful meeting and a less of a chance they'll do something to really get to you. Further more, being at home also gives you that comfort of being in your own skin. My man gets it. Yes, it's gotten to him. He's even snapped to the point of scaring that out of me (not like him at all) but since all this, we've talked more about it and it's gotten better. My advice is just talk to her. Tell her that you are concerned. I've gone to the doctor for my issues and they swear I'm just a normal healthy 25 yr old. I walk, I drink water, I do all the little things everyone has explained but it hasn't helped. Whats helped is talking to my man. BTW, him and I just moved aswell. Our house is a mess from moving and Relay For Life (I'm a team captain and committee chair) and it drives me crazy. Its helped by him taking a small amount of stress on. He'll let me come home from work and take a nap if I need to while he does the dishes or something. In return I'll do the same for him. You'd be surprised what stress and hormones can really do. But like I said my situation is different, Just talk to her.

07-02-2009, 06:26 PM	#13
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,473 Blog Entries: 6	There's got to be more though than a "back rub" to cease this. I admitted that i can get "snappy", but I wouldn't lash out and hit my man and there, Wildchild is correct, if this thread was about a man doing this to a woman, there would be a completely different tone about the replies. There could be reasons such as the pill she is on, you are on, is not strong enough, that neither of you are preparing for your periods before they come, with meditation, drinking more water, creating a "calm", in preperation. If you think the above doesn't work, I'm here as living proof to tell you IT DOES... I walk, i drink water, i stretch, i get my mind set and say "hold on woman", and the difference of the irritibility and the pain is 50% cut by doing so, has been for years. Also, the other factor is "personality"... I think that if you only react to the person closest to you, that's your personality. Because if you don't give a shirt about people in general you will explode under this pressure regardless to whom your around. Obviously both the threaders girlfriend and yourself, feel that you can lash out at hte person closest to you but no one else, kind of "hide" that from the world.. I would suggest both seek Doctor's opinions pertaining to how to "relax" more, ie) medication to take during this course. I agree with Wildchild too.. ABUSE of any form is dangerous to the other person.. Be it physically, a dish flying accidently hitting the other person's head and causing severe injuries, even death, or mentally, finally breaking down yourself because you can't handle it anymore, or even walking out on your partner as a result. If you love your partner, don't make excuses for why it happens, it's PMS, or PMMD or PFFFT, find a solution to ease it for you and for them and seek professional advice in this regard. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-02-2009, 08:44 PM	#14
caterpillar79 Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: MidWest, USA Posts: 1,147 Blog Entries: 51	CW, WC, you are right! I had my episodes, and they are getting worse... I am having problems and my SO is sorely affected. I am not violent, instead, I become very sensitive and withdrawn. But this freaks him out. It's like having snappy tom for meals all day everyday for 4 days! Whew! Can exercise and / or sex alleviate this? __________________ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

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07-02-2009, 03:07 PM	#11
Kallygirlie Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Simon Champion! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: PA, USA Posts: 364	whildchild, unless you've been there you have no idea. Seriously, my man gets the blunt of my freak outs. my family and friends dont even know i'm that bad until i tell them. the one you love or feel most comfortable with is usually the one that gets the emotion. Like we've all said, its embarrassing.

07-02-2009, 05:25 PM	#12
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 5,852 Blog Entries: 4	The woman is hitting him, that is abuse. If a woman posted that a man was doing this what would your response be? Probably to get out now, call the police, insist he get therapy. You can't have it acceptable or justifiable from one sex but not the other. If you can limit who you dump on, then you can and are controlling it, although may be not consciously. Otherwise you'd dump on everyone equally. Why and how would a hormonally induced situation cause you to just freak out on only one person? There has to be a reason. I've watched kids do this, they'll throw a fit with one adult (usually the one who gives in) and not with another (it won't get them what they want). So my assumption is that the woman may be feeling out of sorts and takes it out the person(s) she thinks(again it may not be conscious) will take it. It's kind of like Mr. Nice Guy, who is pleasant to everyone at work and goes home and breaks the kids arm and gives his wife a black eye. He knows at some level where he can and can't get away with it. Sorry, I grew up with abuse. Abuse is abuse, no matter who is doing it to whom or when and if they can control it in public they can control it in private. Anything else is a cop out. BTW many abusers male and female are cyclic.

07-02-2009, 09:58 PM	#15
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 623 Blog Entries: 5	I agree with CW and WildChild.... with CW for pointing out you can prepare for the emotional roller coaster by being aware of your behavior and chosing not to react in a physical manner. Chosing to direct that explosive energy in another direction and outlet. Wild child you are right abuse is abuse and if was the other way around totally different tone. Men have to learn that women are more hormonal and they too must be aware of this.

07-02-2009, 10:02 PM	#16
Joy Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 623 Blog Entries: 5	exercise can help alot and so can diet.... eat foods that don't bloat you as much are easier to digest. for myself eating lighter smaller meals or snacks helps. I love chocolate but I do much better staying away from chocolate and opting for Pinapple or Strawberries.

07-06-2009, 08:26 AM	#17
Kallygirlie Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Simon Champion! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: PA, USA Posts: 364	Though everyone makes great points that I agree with, I honestly believe its just depends on the type of person you are. Like I said before, My personal issue didn't arise until my Mom passed away and I was put under alot of emotional stress. On top of that I have been on my own period for 2 straight months now. Up until all this, I had the normal PMS symptoms. It wasn't until the past few months that I started lashing out. Why don't I lash out in public, because my SO is the one I see and talk to every single day. There are more chances are him setting me off. If you dont see family or friends for days, its less of a stressful meeting and a less of a chance they'll do something to really get to you. Further more, being at home also gives you that comfort of being in your own skin. My man gets it. Yes, it's gotten to him. He's even snapped to the point of scaring that out of me (not like him at all) but since all this, we've talked more about it and it's gotten better. My advice is just talk to her. Tell her that you are concerned. I've gone to the doctor for my issues and they swear I'm just a normal healthy 25 yr old. I walk, I drink water, I do all the little things everyone has explained but it hasn't helped. Whats helped is talking to my man. BTW, him and I just moved aswell. Our house is a mess from moving and Relay For Life (I'm a team captain and committee chair) and it drives me crazy. Its helped by him taking a small amount of stress on. He'll let me come home from work and take a nap if I need to while he does the dishes or something. In return I'll do the same for him. You'd be surprised what stress and hormones can really do. But like I said my situation is different, Just talk to her.