Thread: My mom has severe PMDD and i just dont know anymore

Originally Posted by mea105

Hello All,
My name is mea, and i guess im here to gain some insight or something. i am 18 years old and i have just graduated with honors from high school. i have a full scholarship to Siena college and thats where i hope to be attending this fall. unfortunately my mothers illness, like it has so many other times might prevent me from this great opportunity. my mom was diagnosed with pmdd when i was about 12 or 13. before that her actions clearly showed there was something wrong. she would disappear for days. although i lived with my grandmother, its still very unsettling not to know where your mom is. she would do and say things that she later didnt remember. now since she's been diagnosed its been worse because the medicine has come into play. sometimes they have her on so many medications i get scared. she's unrational, and loud. other times shes depressed, and paranoid. has openly admitted to having homicidal tendencies, and often does not think things through. i have tried to be her everything and to do my best in search of some type of approval, or her happiness but to no avail. she is a great woman but the pmdd is taking over, and i myself am mentally,emotionally,and physically drained. she doesnt want me to go to school because of her fear that i am leaving her, or that something is going to happen to me and i know its her pmdd talking. and i hate having conversations with IT. i just dont know what to do anymore. now the time in my life where i have to take care of me, but i dont know if i just can let go. what should i do?

My God, your post could have been written by my son! Lord knows what I put him and the rest of my family though for many, many years! I am 53 years old and I suffered with PMDD from the time my periods started (at 13) until just a couple of years ago when my periods tapered off from menopause! I know what your mother is going through. PMDD robbed me of the best years of my life. However, when I was coming along PMDD was unheard of and PMS and severe menstrual cramps were all in a young woman's head! I posted my PMDD story on this site (finallyfree2009, PMDD is serious) you may want to read it. Then you'll know that I know exactly what your mom is going though.

YOUR MOM NEEDS TO SEE A DOCTOR WHO IS SYMPATHETIC TO WOMAN SUFFERING FROM PMDD AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! PMDD IS VERY TREATABLE, BUT IT IS A SERIOUS CONDITION AND WILL NOT GO AWAY. WITHOUT PROPER TREATMENT PMDD ONLY GETS WORSE AS A WOMAN GETS OLDER. Seems that right now she's got a prescription writer and over-medication or the wrong medication can make things worse, if it hasn't already. Your mom has been dealing with this for several years and obviously the medication she's taking is not helping. I was on a whole lot of psych meds before I was diagnosed. They didn't do any good and only made things worse with their side effects. I am particularly concerned that your mom expressed homicidal tendencies. I also had those feelings too. Although I never killed anyone I became a drug addict, a criminal and attempted suicide more than once. Also, medication without dietary and lifestyle changes, supplements and stress management will not work. There are some things your mother can do to ease the symptoms. She needs to carefully watch her diet. Increase protein and carbs. ABSOLUTELY NO SUGAR, SALT, CAFFEINE (COFFEE, TEA AS WELL AS SOFT DRINKS WITH CAFFEINE), ALCOHOL, FRIED FOODS, SPICY FOODS, CHOCOLATE. These foods make PMDD symptoms ten times worse and the reaction can be almost immediate! I know it was with me. Regular exercise helps. Stress management training and certain vitamins (B6, Calcium and Magnesium) as well as a multi-vitamin and maybe iron is she's anemic. As for medication--I believe that some medication is necessary for treatment of PMDD. The one that has worked for me was Effexor. It is an SSRI and has an effect on a woman's hormones. It did work wonders for me. However, I was diagnosed after I began to go through menopause so I don't really know if that had anything to do with its success. Not only that I was also diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I was told that bi-polar disorder and PMDD can exascerbate each other. But now that I look back on it, I don't believe I was ever bi-polar for the simple reason is that I am now off all medication and feel fine (a person with bi-polar disorder would not be able to do that). But misdiagnosis of PMDD is common. I will say this: the symptoms of PMDD and bi-polar disorder are very, very similar. Once your mom gets the proper treatment for PMDD then that will rule out bi-polar disorder. If PROPER treatment for PMDD does NOT work than it might be bi-polar disorder. It doesn't have to be, but it can't be ruled out. I posted my PMDD story on this site and if you get a chance read it. Then you will know that I really know exactly how your mother feels and how bad this condition can get.

Nowadays I don't believe there's any reason for a woman to suffer like this. What I would suggest is this: Women who suffer with PMDD usually have at least a week when they are feel fine and are lucid. You and your mom might look on the web or ask around to find a female gyn doctor in your city who is sympathic to this condition. AND I WILL REPEAT, YOUR MOTHER NEEDS PROPER TREATMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. PMDD IS TREATABLE BUT IT'S A SERIOUS CONDITION THAT ONLY GETS WORSE AS A WOMAN GETS OLDER. I would avoid male gyn doctors. They have a lot of book learning but I don't believe they really have any idea how a woman really feels and suffers. I would also avoid doctors who are quick to write a lot of prescriptions or put your mom on synthetic hormones! Synthetic hormones are POISON. They cause blood clot, stroke, heart attack, cancer, depression, mood changes in some people and God knows what else! (Personally, I believe that most of the cancers woman develop later in life are caused by years and years of being on birth control pills when they are young and hormone replacement therapy when they reach middle age. But that's another story).

As for you, mea, you need to take care of yourself. Your life should not stop because of your mother's illness. You will be no good to her or yourself if you fall apart. You will also grow to resent your mother if you begin to feel that you must sacrifice your future because of her illness! Not only that, when she gets treated and gets well she will probably feel awful guilty to know her illness held you back (my son both loved me and hated me because my illness made me so evil and unpredictable. I have tremendous regret because of that. However, he never let it stop him from getting an education and doing anything pertaining to his future. And for that, I am grateful!) So, go on to school in the fall. And who knows, hopefully, by then, your mother will have gotten proper treatment and be on the road to recovery. But you need to go to school regardless! You can't take all of this on your young shoulders. None of this is your fault and unless your mom gets proper treatment there's nothing you can do. You know, all my life I felt like I was alone. I never imagined that there were other women out there suffering like I was. But back then there was no help available and woman suffered in silence. Don't you despair, those days are over! This is the 21st century, PMDD is out in the open and treatable and help is out there you just have to find it so I see a happy ending here.

I wish you and your mom the very, very best. You are both in my heart and in my prayers. If you don't mind, I would love to know how things work out for both of you. You can keep me posted on this site.

Thank You for all your support
FINALLYFREE: my mom is an anemic,she also has fibroids,cysts,ulcers,heartburn,frequent migranes, insomia.
she has been to many doctors and had a stint in an institution last year around this time. she doctor wanted to do a hysterectomy and she did not consent, then they wanted to put her into chemical menopause. they have her on many medications ill name a few if i can remember all of them ambien (without them she cant sleep, and even with them sometimes. so she walks the house and does strange things like shave the cat),topamax,phenegren,cymbalta,seroquil?,the purple pill for heart burn,yaz,pain pills, and so many others including over the counter medications. she often does and says things at night time that she has absolutely no recollection o fin the morning. it can be very embarassing and she often blames it on me, saying im trying to make her look crazy/bad.it seems like she has a doctors appointment every other day, not to mention shrink appointments. it kills me to see her literally falling apart in front of me and she's only 33. she had me at a very young age. she is a very strong women and i love her. she has done so much for me, but i feel like im slowly falling apart as well now. i am terrified because she said her doctor told her it was genetic, and i dont want that to be me. and if it is, i dont think me being around her will hold it off, but speed it up. i am still very young yet i know so much about doctors and medications its a little sad to be honest. i just dont want anything to happen to her, but at the same time i dont anything to happen to me while im trying my hardest to prevent that and heed to her wishes. i hope im making sense, if i am not im sorry. its just alot.