Thread: PMDD Prisoner

I have lived with what I believe are the debilitating effects of PMDD for over a year and I can't continue on like this (I'm almost 34). I am alienating the people I love the most and I am deathly afraid I may lose the love of my life forever due to my monthly "episodes". I am so ashamed at my behaviour and I feel extreme guilt. Even though my BF is extremely understanding and loving I don't know how to explain this to him without him locking me up in the looney bin. Am I certifiable or is this hormonal? And what can I do to be normal again?

Here's my story:

Over the past year and a bit I have noticed a huge change in my monthly cycle. My period, which used to come like clockwork every 28 days, now comes every 25-26 days. (It has come as early as 21 days.) I was on the pill most of my adult life and it seems to me that when I went off of it, a few months later I started experiencing an extreme case of PMS that just gets worse and worse and is becoming more frequent.

While I've always suffered from PMS, I now consistently (almost every month) turn into a raving lunatic about a week before my period. It's like someone flips a switch and bang, I'm this irrational, emotionally unstable, needly, crazy person for about 7 days. And then, my period starts and another switch gets flipped and I feel normal again. I go from an extreme low to an extreme high in a matter of less than 24 hours.

The thing about it is even though right now I can think clearly and I recognize in approximately 21 days this will probably happen again, when I'm in the middle of it, I can't see straight. When it's happening I can't talk to myself and be like, "Hey, quit acting like a crazy woman. This is just hormonal." When it's happening I honestly can't be rational and logical and feel better. It feels like I am in a fog and I am not me and it will never end.

I get fixated on something and become anxious and depressed. Sometimes for no reason I will just cry uncontrollably. I can't sleep and I have absolutely no energy. I can't concentrate. I can't be productive. I have no motivation. I go from feeling sad to extreme anger. I feel out of control. I feel like I'm going to lose everything good in my life. I overanalyze my relationship and I drive myself crazy thinking that my BF is going to break up with me. I drive my BF crazy with my constant need for reassurance. I feel hopeless and worthless.

For a week every month I am being controlled by my hormones/emotions. I am scared at who I become. I feel very embarrassed and don't want to act this way. I don't know what to do anymore, but something has to change. I just don't know what to do.

After the first few really bad months I did some research (I'm a nursing student) and I first found out about PMDD. I brought it to the attention of my doctor who had never heard of it. He made me feel like I was crazy for even bringing it up. He told me to take Evening Primrose Oil. It doesn't work. I have made an appointment with a different doctor and I hope she can help me, because I am sick of living this way and I will be devastated if my BF finally can't take it anymore and leaves me. I tried to explain it once, but it was in the beginning and I didn't really understand what was going on. Now I feel like he just looks at my behaviour (excessive texts, irrational actions, deluded emails, etc.) and just thinks I'm an insecure person. But I'm not really. Just for 7 days of the month. How can I best explain this to him without sounding like I'm making excuses?

I am so happy I stumbled upon this site today because reading your stories has made me feel for the first time that I'm not crazy. That what I am experiencing is real and I am not choosing to act this way. I just hope that I can manage this because this is no way to live. I would appreciate any advice you could give me.

Here's to day 1 of sanity...only 20 more before I go nuts again...

demand to be referred to a specialist
its amazing how many doctors havent even heard of this.
i met a girl who had this and it was ruining her life
she finally managed to get some help after marching into an STI clinic and demanding a hysterectomy and crying a lot.
now she's having a treatment whereby they completely shut down her hormones with pills and then she takes other pills to bring them to a normal level.
its kind of like my bipolar disorder - they give you downers so you dont go manic and then bring you up to okay with antidepressants so that they can effectively control my moods.

i've found that boys mainly like to look things up by themselves
so maybe find him a selection of websites to look at so he can research it for himself.

my advice is MAKE A SCENE.
refuse to leave until they sort this out for you

x