Trying to understand

**pf60** · 08-07-2010 05:42 PM

Hi there Im new here...Im a guy here trying to understand something about my girlfriend I have been with for nearly a year and a half..
We have a wonderful relationship and she often tells me she has never been loved like this before and how special I make her feel..in all that time our disagreement have been so trivial we laugh about them...thats gives you an idea how we get on ..sets the scene if you like....I go out of my way to find out what makes her tick to better understand her and treat her accordingly..Im am certainly aware of how pms can affect women and for the first six months you wouldnt have even noticed any symptoms affecting her or she kept them hidden.
We guys are a little dumb sometimes when it comes to these issues and we had gone away for a week to see a concert and we were having a great time until towards the end of the week she said out of the blue...I need space...Huh! what!..why!... by the time we flew home she had completly distanced herself from me....it floored me...I was heartbroken to say the least. after a couple of weeks she was back again as normal...I thought she must have been scared of getting to serious relationship I had loads of questions....that was last November and every month around the 25th 26 th in that time frame she backs right away ..she becomes unresponsive wont answer her phone delays answering texts messages until she again decides she doesnt want a relationship...a couple of weeks and she comes back again full on as ever....I pointed out that this was a regular occurence every month...I love this women to bits but it hurts every time she dissapears and she has only really admitted that it could be pms and her reaction to it....she also has trouble understanding the simplest of explanations..cant think straight.....gets a little teary.....but has never got angry....of course now i know she will come back and needs her space......but I was wondering if someone could shed light on what she goes through that makes her take flight....in order to understand her needs.....thanks

**Katsa** · 08-08-2010 05:39 AM

I've never heard of someone having PMS like that before. I get a little teary and moody and sometimes lightheaded, but that's about it. Sorry, maybe someone else can give you advice.

**pf60** · 08-08-2010 06:34 AM

Thanks Katsa....it is odd...she does get teary and moody a little to....she is a very gentle caring type person so there is never any angry outbursts as such....but this backing away is almost like clock work every month....it coincides to with a slight inability to cope with things very well....things get to her easier plus she gets very tired...Us guys are not usually qualified to comment on these issues its only what we observe....we have talked about this but she cannot explain why she runs away....its quite sudden to....

**LanaBear** · 08-08-2010 12:26 PM

Some women have very severe cases of PMS, or otherwise known as PMDD. Do some research on that.

Does she realize that she does this? Does she recognize that it is not all that normal? Is she open to seeing a Dr regarding the severe symptoms she is getting?

**pf60** · 08-08-2010 04:32 PM

Hi LanaBear....the funny thing about her is she is a nurse....and a midwife....she knows how this cycle works backwards.....but medical people are the worst patients so they say....she seems to realise what she is doing but doesnt realise the timing...its always in that timeframe when other common symptoms are evident....Im in the middle of one of these times now always at the end of a month and in to the first week of the new month.......she has dissapeared I cant get her to talk answer her phone even text me back.....she is well aware I understand and Im here for her...this can last for two weeks...her life situation is a long story and Im sometimes wonder whether pms magnifies some things that cause her to shut down...I will research pmdd....Im lucky in a sense that she is always open to discussion....

**WildChild** · 08-08-2010 05:23 PM

How old is she?

**ItsASecret** · 08-08-2010 05:31 PM

It is quite odd to have PMS even PMDD symptoms presenting like that, which makes me think it is not actually the heart of the issue. I remember one of my psych profs talking about people who completely dissociate contact with other persons for no reason then go back to acting like it never happened but I cannot for the life of me remember what he was referring to....maybe it was PMDD lol. I do not know. I am curious though so I am going to sift through my many texts and see if I can uncover anything, and look through the PMS/PMDD sections as well.

**bleu** · 08-08-2010 06:22 PM

I actually have had almost identical symptoms during PMS as your girlfriend. It was a major problem for me because I'd break up with guys only to want to go back to them a few days later. Then they would get sick of it and I would too because I didn't understand what was going on. Now I recognize it as the beginning of PMS and I just put the thoughts out of my head and try to get through it.

Because this seems to be rare with PMS, I must add that I also have had severe depression in the past, so I'm probably predisposed to more PMS symptoms than others. My theory is that because estrogen goes down premenstrually, this causes a decrease in serotonin (I've read about the estrogen/serotonin link before), and this is where our thoughts and feelings get a little skewed. Serotonin is actually a predominant neurotransmitter when it comes to thoughts and feelings. For me, I would start having some negative thoughts about my boyfriend and then decide okay, this relationship is just not going to work, and then once PMS ended, my thinking would go back to normal and I would go back to thinking more positively.... so maybe you can discuss this with your gf? Let her know that you read a little about it and you're trying to be supportive of her through this. Ask if it would be okay for you to just give her space around that time of the month so she can have less stress, etc. This may help her a little.

When I get this way I just tell my fiance that I'm PMSing and fortunately, he works around it for me.

**pf60** · 08-09-2010 03:00 AM

Thanks for the responses everyone....to answer your question Wildchild ..she is 51...and bleu...your experience is very close...I dont hve much choice in giving her space at this time ..she decides that for me...she is a single mum with four teenage kids as well so thats stressful so I guess she decides its me that has to give her space...you cant ask the kids to go...it was only that I began to compare the dates that she would vanish .. I thought it had to be pms driven yet i didnt want to bring it up with her....she is always adament she doesnt want a relationship....i have texts...I have a letter...I got to speak to her on the phone once this all over several months and she says the same thing almost word for word.....some of my friends think I must be nuts putting up with it but there is no way I would leave her over something she cant help...bleu your explanation is great it does shed some light on what could be happening with her ...she will come back and act like nothing has happened to the point where she wont even mention our little break....I forgot to mention to and im biased of course...lol...she is a very cute.. very gentle.. lovable person....yet at this time her personality can take on a harder edge.....Im definatly leaning towards pms being the cause......its a little hard for me because I think she needs me to lean on and she usually does but it seems when she needs me the most I cant be.........