HELP! PMDD is Wrecking Our Marriage

**Sean** · 10-14-2010 04:35 PM

My wife and (mid-thirties) have been together for going on 3 years. Since we first met (over 7 years ago) my wife has struggled with PMDD. She was diagnosed in 2005. She tells me "she does not think we are compatible and she is not in love with me anymore." She also tells me that "she loves me but she is not in love with me." The last two weeks of the month are wonderful and she is so loving (her normal self).
My wife also becomes extremely agitated at times and becomes detached (emotionally and physically) from the relationship. I know this sounds strange but I can actually predict the onset of symptoms as her facial expression, affect, and (believe this) her pupils dilate and eye color darkens. It is very painful to both watch and experience her "wrath" for two weeks out of every month. I used (and sometimes still do) react to it (yelling call eachother names, she calls me jerk, I call her a prick, etc).

We have had our share of issues over the years including an infidelity (mine) as at one night I was so distraught, depressed and lonely (due to her acute detachment and lack of affection, sex, irritability, agitation that has been going on for years) that I had a very brief sexual encounter. I of course lied and covered it up and it blew up in my face. That occurred over a year ago and she said she has forgiven me. Before I forget my wife had a bad experience with SSRI's and hormone therapy.

Unfortunately my wife does not believe in therapists as she thinks that: a. I would control the session b. She has had a bad experience in the past from her ex-husband c. She would be just going for me d. She thinks therapists are a waste of time.

At this point I feel powerless to what I should do. I love her dearly. Any advice?

**LanaBear** · 10-14-2010 05:09 PM

Just out of curiosity, what is she open to? It sounds like she is against anything that may help.

I had a real aversion to everything as well. Our otherwise awesome marriage, went the rounds at the same time every month. I began to no longer feel like myself and it got progressively worse over the last 6 months. I had no choice but to go see my gyno, it got to the point where I would have done ANYTHING to help myself get over this month 'bump'.

I know a couple of others on here who have and are going through the same thing, but she does need to seek help, getting hormone levels checked, etc.

My hubby felt the same as you, powerless and unsure of how to handle me. But, unless she seeks help, unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do.

**Sean** · 10-15-2010 11:55 AM

Thank you for your response. It is not fair (thus is life). This week she told me she wanted to part ways, told me she is not in love with me anymore, and gave me 7 weeks to find my own place. She then says to me that I am holding her hostage in the relationship and not giving her space which is completely out of character because the other two weeks she is loving and wonderful.

Her words hurt so much that sometimes it is almost too much to take.