PMDD-Some months are worse than others.

**Saberhead** · 08-22-2011 11:41 AM

Hey everyone! New to the forums here, very happy I found and joined the site. Its a wonderful resource with lots of helpful advice.

Im a 26 year old physics undergrad student. Among other things I enjoy riding a bike, playing music, hanging out with my boyfriend and our friends. The only thing that sucks about my life is that I have severe PMDD.
It seems like some months are worse than others, but they are all relatively the same and the symptoms are all extremely similar. Ive had this since I was about 16 years old. I have memories of talking to other girls about their periods and non of them seemed to experience the agony that only PMDD provides.

The first symptoms are almost two weeks before menses. I have a twinge of irritability. Flashing thoughts of extreme irritation, but they sort of just fade away. I can tell however when this happens that Im two weeks away. Then a couple days later I can feel it when I wake up. I feel really groggy, unable to wake up properly, needing to sleep 11 hours to feel like I got enough sleep and really grumpy and annoyed. When I do sleep Im knocked out cold and I have insanely terrible dreams. Either ones of extreme anger or anxiety. These are about 6-4 days before menses and are usually the same in nature (boyfriend and I breaking up, my parents dying, my friends going to the hospital, getting into a really violent fight etc).

I have extreme anger and compulsiveness when I get this way too. I think I've bought more clothes during this time in my life that I can think of, and made some very very stupid impulsive decisions during this time as well. Ive walked out on at least 5 jobs because of PMDD and gotten into louds of fights. I hate to say it but Ive also cheated on many boyfriends during this time because I literally convince myself that Im unhappy and that my boyfriend at the time is cheating on me or that he's unhappy or that it's not going to work, etc. Of course Im older now and have control of these thoughts but this month for some reason is extremely bad. I've basically convinced myself that my boyfriend doesnt love me anymore and probably likes other girls better than me. What's weird is that it's like this EVERY month but some months are worse than others. Right now Im just waiting in mental agony for my period to start so I stop thinking this way. It makes me incredibly sad to have these thoughts, and they also bleed in to other relationships. For example I tend to think friends are mad at me, and when people dont pick up their phones that they dont like me anymore, or that Ive been a bad friend (which...I havent?) and thats why they wont pick up when I call at that specific time. Of course people call me back and are delighted to hear from me so everything i usually think when Im like this is completely false. As soon as I start bleeding or a day or two after I feel TOTALLY normal again.

The worse think is needing emotional reciprocation from people all the time. I know people love me and I know my boyfriend loves me but the slightest change in anything I freak out inside. I know how to control this now enough to continue on with life but I am actually super miserable inside. Has anyone with PMDD done or thought these kinds of things? I hate the emotional needyness. I need attention and reciprocation 24/7 and its totally ridiculous to need that for a couple days then be COMPLETELY fine once menses happens.

I hate this disorder so much and I really need it to stop. Im with someone I really love and I feel totally miserable. Thankfully this month I havent cried or shouted or freaked out yet. I've told him about PMDD but he doesnt really know the extremity of it.

Has anyone taken anything and actually had it WORK?

**PinkRoxy** · 09-20-2011 03:11 AM

Hi Saberhead
I am new to all this stuff but it sounds similar to me.
A week or more even before my period I feel so irritable and feelings of wanting to cry all the time and it really bothers me and little annoyances really bother me.
I have had two warnings of disruptive behaviour in my workplace.
The first one was 22nd of July and the second one was 20th August and today the 20th of September I decided to get really irritated this morning because I couldnt find the key to open up the till for a customer it was really embarrassing but I bolded into my managers office and went off at him because I couldnt open up the till.
I then went back to serve the customer managed in a friendly manner which was good and then afterwards felt like crying and apologised to the manager and he asked what was wrong and I said that I really dont know I just feel weird.
The rest of the day I felt like crying on and off and felt very sad and that I was worthless, I feel so out of sorts. Any small thing will irritate me and I feel so upset by it.
I dont understand what is actually happening to me until I asked my manager for the dates of the incidents that I got my warnings for and then it clicked that I could have PMS and now I am freaking out that I'm going to get fired.

I'm sorry I cant offer much advice but I know how you feel and I hope things get better soon.

**spellermom100** · 10-07-2011 04:14 PM

Do you know that song, "Killing Me Softly With His Song"? Roberta Flack sings it. It's all about someone she doesn't know singing her life story. You are singing my story. I feel exactly like you describe. It's absolutely overwhelming. I can tell you to the day when I am going to feel good, when I'm going to want to be with my husband and conversely when I'm going to want to verbally rip him to shreds and not care that I am doing it. And I can also tell you when I'm going to feel normal and feel absolutely horrible about what I've said or can actually see the pain on his face. This is absolutely awful. I am just now realizing the extent to which I suffer. I'm looking back at times in my life and cyclical symptoms and realizing that this has been plaguing me for sooo long. I just don't know what to do about it. This last month was the worst ever. Thankfully, I'm feeling better today but the really depressing part is that I know it's not going to last. The bad times are starting to outlast the good times. I'm 42 so maybe I'm going into menopause. I don't know. But sometimes I really wonder how much more of this I can take and how much more I can subject my family to. My daughter actually tells me I'm scaring her and in those moments I don't care. That leaves me feeling totally guilty when I'm feeling better and understanding the consequences of my actions. So even the good times are bad because I have to deal with any emotional damage I've caused. When I'm in those two weeks before my period, I could take someone out with my words. Thankfully I'm aware of it but sometimes I just can't hold back. I also find myself believing that my friends don't like me or that I'm expendable. I've felt like that forever but didn't put it together until I read your posting.
I'm so grateful for this forum. I tried to talk to my friend about it yesterday and today and I know she didn't get it. I'm sure she's trying, we've been friends for over 15 years. But unless you experience this, you just don't get how extreme it is or how it absolutely takes over who you are.

**iHATEpmdd83** · 10-11-2011 04:17 PM

I'm sorry to hear that anyone else is going through this, but I have to admit it makes me feel good to know that I'm not alone. It's so relieving to hear you all tell stories that I could've written...meaning that it's not just all in my head. It wasn't until this weekend that I came upon blogs such as these and realized that this is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with...and that it has ruined countless relationships in at least the last 10 years. I may have never figured it out if my most recent boyfriend (who I've said nasty, nasty things to and broken up with at least 15 times) noticed that I always called him and wanted to get back together with him when I was on my period...he said "you'll be nice to me for maybe 2 weeks, and then you're going to hate me and tell me that you're leaving again"...After finding these blogs, I drove home silently...mentally going back through the relationships that have failed in the last 10 years and finally realizing that this is what I did to EVERY single man...I wanted to be with him/loved him...got emotionless, didn't care about him, broke up with him...only to want to get back together in a week or two...like 2 different people. The problem is, a man can only take so much of it before you kill the love they have for you and they finally stop taking you back...then the normal me is left sad and alone because of what the PMDD me did. It's so unfair. I feel like I've been robbed for 10 years....

Especially painful for me is the realization that this very well caused the loss of the love of my life 7 years ago (who is now happily married to someone else...someone normal). We had the greatest relationship up until the last 2 months, when I got in moods where I would look at him and just not want to be with him...so I picked a fight, said terrible things and left...only to start on a rollercoaster of trying to get back together and breaking up again, which led to him hating me and cutting me completely out of his life. Looking back it dawned on me that I also stopped taking birth control pills the last 2 months of our relationship...because my ex was worried that the side effects were unhealthy for me...little did we know that it most likely caused our demise, because the pills were taking away the severity of this demon I didn't know I had...

I could go on and on, but I've already babbled a lot

I hope we can all find ways to cope with this...but like some have mentioned...the feelings are so, so strong that they are hard to see through and make logical decisions...and even if you can keep your mouth shut, you still feel the feelings and hurt inside. I'm going to attempt a diet change, more exercise and herbal supplements, because I really don't want to take a lot of synthetic medications...but if I have to in order to live a semi-normal life, I guess I will try anything.

**iHATEpmdd83** · 10-11-2011 04:24 PM

And, Saberhead, you hit the nail on the head by saying it causes you to make impulsive decisions....that's exactly true. I can't tell you how many times I've impulsively picked up and moved away from a boyfriend or quit a job or called up guys that were bad for me (and basically cheated, although I never until now saw it as such because in the moment, I felt like I was justified and had just broken up with whoever I was dating anyway)...that's a problem too...not only do these impulsive moods make me leave good men, I fear that they make me get back with men who are bad for me...so on what day of the month is it safe to believe my own judgement? "Don't Let Me Get Me" rings soooo true.

Also, although my romantic relationships are really the ones that suffer, I know this has put a strain on my friendships as well, because just like you, I will be very sensitive and feel like they are rejecting me if they don't answer the phone...or I will get angry with them...I always blamed this on being outspoken and having a redhead temper, but now I think it's definitely more than that. Besides that, I can't imagine how taxing it has been on my friends to patiently listen to me justify my love/hate for different men every month for 10 years.

**PinkRoxy** · 10-15-2011 10:28 PM

Does the contraceptive pill really does reduce the symptoms of PMS or PMDD?

I have just been put on levlen and I am not entirely convinced, I am too scared to stop and have my menstrual cycle because I was in so much pain before and I cant bear to face that pain again and my GP said that it will help reduce the pain but she said it will help reduce the PMS symptoms too but I wasnt convinced by that and now I dont know if it will for the pain and now I am having an anxiety attack thinking about it because I really cant handle my period pain its worse than what it use to be

**Dramamama** · 02-07-2012 11:21 AM

I am a 37 yrs old professional with a graduate degree. I am a totally rational, practical, and logical person, however, when it's the week before my period, or especially, the day before my period, I go insane! Except that I don't know I am going insane and it's usually others that point it out to me. I'm glad you wrote your post because I have the same experiences. I cry in my sleep because I have thoughts of my mother dying and living without her, or childhood memories that make me sad, or something that my boyfriend said earlier in the day that rubbed me the wrong way. It always starts that way, in the middle of the night in my sleep and then comes the insomnia. I too have feelings of anxiety (about my future) and I become compulsive and argumentative. For example, I will nit pick with my boyfriend and start an argument and give him a tongue lashing which in my mind is warranted and then I will have compulsive thoughts of starting a new life or leaving the house to go "party" and thoughts of leaving my boyfriend (even though he is a great guy!). I also know intellectually that these actions are a form of self destruction so I am tormented inside from stopping myself from doing these ridiculous compulsions. Thank God my boyfriend is willing to help me and understand me. A good support system is so important! This PMDD also makes me very weepy. I can go from arguing to confrontations to yelling to crying all in a 5 minute span. It's horrible and I feel ridiculous at the moment, but I can't help myself. I can tell you that bioidentical creams have helped me a lot, but I think I need to see my doctor to up the dose. I take progestrone and I was taking testosterone. Exercise is also very important!! I also normally eat a good diet of "clean eating" so I can't say what the difference is for someone who eats poorly. All I know is that you must never give up on finding a cure that helps you. This PMDD will ruin your relationships with people and not everyone will put up with it. It is a constant stuggle to control myself when I have PMDD. I feel like it's probably best for me to just go somewhere else, like a vacation or hotel, and be alone, then to hurt other people or be a kill joy. It's horrible. You need to find a doctor that will listen and understand your PMDD. Don't settle for less and keep looking for a doctor that belieives in PMDD. I notice it also helps me a lot when I take omega 3's fish oil supplments. I have tried flax seed which I'm told is the same but for some reason the fish oil does it for me. I feel more energy, mental clarity, and I feel good and happy.