Thread: Unbearable pain and embarrassment Issue?

First I'd start with my main problem. For nearly 13-14 years I lived with my Mum. Whenever I had my period, I had no issue coping with my period and disposing of pads because we had a rubbish bin in the garage. We were really comfortable around one another.
But then my Mum got married and then I had to put up with having a man around.

Which meant he watched me and saw what I was holding of my hand when I disposed of them. It didn't help that the rubbish bin was right next to where he sat a lot. Plus, he asked her to tell him everytime I got a period. Which humilated me. One time we got into a massive argument about it. There was no issue with her buying me pads then.
But since then whenever I have to talk to mum about any of my period issues and when I have to ask her to buy me pads, I have to get her away from him and talk to her privately. Whenever I need them, my Step-Dad tosses them to me or gives them to me, sometimes mum orders samples in the mail and gives them to me or leaves them on her bed to give them to me. My step-dad doesn't like getting me them and pulls an angry face, I think he feels that because I get money I should get them myself, but I don't work or drive. When I lived alone, they took me shopping and mum would comment that she saw me buying pads and My Dad would see them and pull a face like it was totally amusing to him. Whenever he knows I get my period, he watches my every move when I dispose of pads and pulls a face like he thinks it's funny. Sometimes Mum would forget to get me pads and I would panic because I had none left and I'd have to ask her in the car NEXT to my dad and it would turn into some drama with them going to the shop just to get that and only that. For a while when I moved back home from living with them, I went to the shop just to get pads for a while (I pay rent for food and everything else), but it was embarrassing and the shop assistant and people behind me would give me looks, it would make me feel very uncomfortable. That's when I asked Mum to get them for me.

Sometimes Mum will ask if I need them, but she will do it in the kitchen around my dad and she will put her hand around her crotch area and say "You need any...you know whats?" and look over to him to see if he isn't looking. Or if I have a pain when it isn't my period, she will say "Do you have your..you know?!". And obviously she says it all loud enough for him to hear, we have a tiny living room.

Then there's the most embarrassing issue. My mum has a tiny little bin she has in the kitchen. It's a blue bin with no lining. Sometimes I've asked My Mum with a pad in my hand (if she is in the kitchen) where to put some rubbish. But since she knows automatically what it is, she goes "OH" and tells me to put inside some packaging of food or something. My Dad is usually hanging around and hears it all as he is usually standing by in the kitchen watching what she's doing. Sometimes my pads are the only things in this bin with no lining RIGHT in view of everyone. I have talked to her about it and I have today and she said she didn't have any lining. She said about putting a bin in my room, but that's still unhygeinic and I don't like leaving them to me (besides they will have to go in that blue bin again sometime(, then she starts to argue and says "WELL IT'S NOT HYGEINIC IN THE KITCHEN!". She then says, "How about putting a rubbish bag in your room?" (these are large garbage bags). I don't want a massive brown garbage bag in my room. I don't know why she doesn't use these brown bags all the time. Sometimes she uses a tiny plastic bag as a rubbish bin and you can see my pads in it.

I also stain my clothing and underwear every time I get my period. On the first day it comes and during the first 2 heavy days. Even when I change regularly. You can imagine it's awkwardly maneuvering myself around my step-dad with stained blood on my clothing. Sometimes I wear a dressing gown to hide it. He has seen my clothes stained before, it was horrible. Because I don't keep clothes in my room (only socks and underwear) I have to ask mum to go out and get me fresh clothes (my room is really tiny, like a room for a baby). I usually get my period during my sleep, so It usually stains my pyjamas. Which makes it all very awkward when I go to the bathroom and notice the stains. I've thought about asking mum for liners to prevent staining, but I bleed pretty heavily and we aren't exactly rich, we are living on little money. Plus, my period comes pretty randomly. It's never exact. When I was away from my parents for a while at a camp, I had no help with things like this. I also had no income at that time to support me. I was worried about my period coming and I had no one to take me to the shops. I rang up my support worker and she said to just ask someone to take me to the shops. It was an awkward phone call and humilating.

Then there's the incredible pain each month and mum has to explain what it is that causes me pain each month. I take a crushed up tablet with yoghurt to help my pain (can't swallow pills) which helps a bit. When I was at school 2 years ago I was walking around like a zombie, I couldn't walk properly and the pain made me feel like I couldn't stand. Even when I walked around town one time I couldn't walk straight as it made me feel uneasy. Sometimes I just really want to moan because it's really bad, but I can't because of my step-dad around. When I lived alone I had it really bad one month and I couldn't take it anymore, I went to have a shower and it didn't make it better. Mum usually gives me a hot water bottle to ease it some months. When I walked to see mum the walking made it go away. I went to see her because I knew she would help out with her hot water bottles ( I didn't have a hot water bottle at home). Strange thing is, when I lived with just my mum years ago before she met my dad, I don't remember ever getting pain. When I went to school I had no issue.

This is all very embarrassing and humilating for me. How can I make it easier? I dread my period every month. I started dieting the other day and I thought it would make it go away because when I wasn't eating properly years ago and when I was at that camp I didn't get my period. I sometimes think my anxiety and social phobia has something to do with it all. As soon as Mum married my step-dad I got a significant amount of stress. It was all new to me and my Step-Dad and I don't get along very well. I've also been through a significant amount of drama and and so much through the couple years they've been together. A lot to do with them. It's too personal to share though. I feel like I'm the only one that has to put up with this in this entire world. I feel like a real freak. The first 2-3 days of my period are the worst as I'm quite heavy

Your period is a perfectly natural, normal event that you shouldn't have to feel anxious about at all. If your stepdad is picking on you for it, that's really immature of him. But in a lot of these cases, it seems like you are creating your own anxiety. It's easy to imagine that someone is making a face at you when you're anxious about a topic. And it's not your stepdad's fault that you need to talk about a period in front of him. After all, he has a wife that has a period, doesn't he? He has/had a mom who had a period, and probably lived with her. And if he has sisters, I'm sure they had a period and had to deal with it while he was in the house too! A man is practically surrounded by menstrual cycles, so him having to hear about a period should be no big deal. I'm not sure why he wanted your mom to tell him every time you had a period, but that's just one strange thing out of a lot of normal-sounding ones.

You also mentioned being anxious about buying pads at the store, because you think the cashier is internally commenting on the fact that you have your period. I used to work as a cashier, and half the time I didn't even pay attention to what people were buying. You are one of HUNDREDS of people they see in a shift, and you are not the only one buying pads, considering that almost every woman between the ages of 12-50 has a monthly period. But if you really don't want to buy them yourself at the store, there is the option of buying in bulk online, or even buying and reusing cloth pads.

If your period is too painful to bear without taking pain medication, you should have it on-hand with you. It sounds like you're from the UK, so I don't know what brands are available, but in the US there are different powders you can take instead of pills for pain, since you say you have trouble swallowing pills. There's no reason to go around wobbling and moaning because it hurts, making yourself suffer when you could take something for it. If the pain really bothers you, you should talk to a doctor about it too.

As far as throwing away the soiled pads, you could collect them in a trash can in your room or the bathroom, then take them to a larger trash at the end of each period (or each day if you like.) It's no less hygienic than putting them anywhere else while you wait for trash pickup. You could, in theory, leave them on the counter until it's time for pickup, and it wouldn't be any different than putting them in a designated container.

Lastly, as far as staining your clothes, could you double up a tampon with a pad to make the time before your pad fills up more reasonable? Though I don't think it's a big deal that you have occasional overflow, it's concerning that you have this problem each month and haven't found a solution. Leaving a full, wet pad next to your skin long enough to overflow is bad for your skin as well as your clothes - you can essentially get "nappy rash" from it.

You mentioned you have social anxiety. Coupled with your unhealthy amount of shame concerning your period, perhaps you should see a therapist. When a person has strong feelings about something, like shame about a period or fear of being judged, it often can't be "explained away." Some professional assistance in this could really give you a better quality of life. After all, you're on your period for roughly a quarter of your life!