Thread: Self esteem issues and anxiety

I have struggled with my self esteem for a long time. Since I was a teen and I'm now 30 years old. I know logically that I am an intelligent, kind and caring and a good person. But emotionally I am hard on myself because of my passivity. I sometimes berate myself when I don't measure up to my standards.

Also growing up with my mother's alcoholic boyfriend's always had me on edge. Some of them were violent. One of them molested me at 15 so I lived in foster care for three years. Some of her boyfriend's put me down quite a bit and being molested only made my self image that much worse. Eventually, with support groups I was able to deal with being molested.

I was married to an emotionally/mentally abusive man for almost 7 years and finally got out of that marriage. Only to get into a relationship with someone who was neglectful and would rather be with our mutual friend than with me.

I am happy to say that now I with a man who loves and accepts me for who I am. I feel closer to him and more connected than to anyone else ever before. We become closer each day. He sees potential in me and wants to help me realize it. I want to realize my potential as well. I want to finish the five courses for my degree, take a computer course and get back into the workforce.

My self esteem issues hold me back though because I'm not always as confident as I should be. I have negative "tapes" in my head telling me that I no one would want to hire me because I don't have enough experience, no one would want to talk to me because I'm boring, etc.. I know that these things aren't true but find it hard to ignore them.

My social anxiety doesn't help matters either. I find it very difficult to go up to a group of people and start a conversation because I think I won't be interesting enough to hold their attention. I will sometimes talk to someone who is on their own if I feel comfortable with them. I am shy until I get to know someone. I usually make friends in certain situations such as at university, etc.. I only see them in the setting in which I met them. I think my voice is too quiet which makes me feel self conscious. I'm better at being assertive on the phone because no one can see me. In person I can sometimes be assertive with people I don't know.

I am a worrier and tend to worry. Sometimes I can distract myself from worrying or tell myself that it's silly to worry. I know worrying is just a bad habit. I can only control what I do, not what others do. I think maybe I worry when I feel out of control.

I know that there are others who have struggled with the same or similar issues. I'd like to hear your stories and hear how you are trying to build your self esteem back up.

My boyfriend helps me see the positive in myself which helps a lot. Besides that I try to focus on problems as learning experiences not obstacles. Easier said than done most of the time though.