Struggling with Depression and Self-Esteem

**Beth2468** · 12-13-2008 02:12 PM

I'm in my 60's and two years ago went through a divorce. I didn't know it was going to be so difficult for me. The depression is at times crushing and my self-esteem has taken a huge blow. Most of the time I feel exhausted. Yes, I'm seeing a professional person but ultimately I know I have to do this by myself. I'm normally a friendly and outgoing person but lately I don't want to do anything. I'm getting scared.

Beth

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-13-2008 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Beth2468

I'm in my 60's and two years ago went through a divorce. I didn't know it was going to be so difficult for me. The depression is at times crushing and my self-esteem has taken a huge blow. Most of the time I feel exhausted. Yes, I'm seeing a professional person but ultimately I know I have to do this by myself. I'm normally a friendly and outgoing person but lately I don't want to do anything. I'm getting scared.

Beth

Hi Beth, welcome to Women's Health...

I would imagine that you were married for several, several years. You possibly had your own friends and even some hobbies,

I'm normally a friendly and outgoing person

But it's quite normal to "go into your own world" at the moment, not wanting to see anyone, do anything and off course that is scary...

I can only imagine that if you feel your self-esteme has been shot, and you feel depressed, you are maybe blaming yourself too much. Remember, it takes (2) for things to work and (2) for them not to... (2)...

Think of all the positives that you were, in that relationship, the strength, the person who laughed, gave.... remember her?

Age is but a number as well. I remember thinking the same thing at 44, oh dear, i am old, i am going to be an old maid after my divorce ( actually separation) i need to do something about that soon.

To be honest, you will find you again, who you truly are, there will be times where it will all change, you don't have to cook or you can make what you feel like and as such, you will feel magical, where at the moment you probably see two plates, ....

Things take time but you need to realise that it's not the end of the world rather a new beginning....

And, it will be.

Take the ups, take the downs but keep knowing it moves ahead, not backwards and it doesn't stand still...

CW

**Beth2468** · 12-14-2008 12:43 AM

Thanks Chandler. It's affecting my job and I know it takes time. I've experienced set-backs in the past and I've usually bounced back but this time its so hard. Most of the time I'm feeling so sad and that isn't like me. I'm ashamed to say that in the last few weeks I've even thought that I just want the pain to stop and no longer want to live. Its a terrible thing to say these things but that is how I'm feeling now. I'm feeling so worthless and hopeless. I'm sorry for being such a downer.

The major thing that stops me from taking my own life are my children and grandchildren. My children would be devastated and I can't bare to hurt them or my grandchildren. It is a selfish act and somehow I must pull myself out of this dark hole I'm in.

Thank you for listening. I'm too ashamed to talk about this to anyone.

Beth

**Beth2468** · 12-14-2008 07:22 AM

Last night I got on the internet and surfed the net to see what could possibly be wrong with me. Its not normal for me to feel so badly two years after the divorce. There has to be something else. I put in all the clues, agitation, depression, anger, foggy brain.

Up popped lots of stuff to read but one that caught my eye I decided to read and then print. The piece is titled "Brain Disabling Effects of Benzodizepines." My doctor has me on this medication ever since the divorce and she increased it from .50 to 1.0 mg. Well I think it's the Klonopin that is causing the depression, fatigue, agitation and foggy brain so now I'm going to slowly titrate down to completely get off this medication.

I hope it is the answer I'm looking for because what I'm feeling should not be so deep and diabling.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that I've found the answer to my fatigue and depression.

Beth

**Joy** · 12-14-2008 08:13 AM

HI Beth,

Your meds could very well be bringing you down. The time of year, the amount of sunshine you are getting, diet. Try to get a lil more fresh air & sunshine (use a tanning bed once and awhile if ya have to) Eat more fresh fruit and get lots of nutrients.

CW is right remember all the positives about yourself... remember what you love about yourself. You are not worthless at all. You have children and grandchildren that would miss you terribly.

Get involved in something you have always wanted to. A Gym, Painting, or a book club... do something for yourself you have always wanted to and just do it.

my bf was on a certain antidepressant that was making him sleep his life away. He was already depressed and the anti depressant made it worse.

Love yourself each day and you have an entire family that loves you too.