Depression and suppressed libido
My wife and I got married in May '07, 2nd marriage for both of us. During the time we were dating and after our wedding, our sex life was amazing. As a red-blooded guy (with a VERY strong drive) it was everything I wanted and needed: frequent, fun, freaky (a little, anyhow), nothing short of fantastic. My wife would initiate at least half the time as she loved our sex life as much as I did.
Then, in January '08 she had a recurrence of a major depression that last hit her about 15 years ago. (She was on maintenance AD meds before it happened, and is on meds now.) She was hospitalized for a week this summer and out of work until this past August, and is still under a psych's care.
Since January she's had basically no sex drive. She says she gets "tingles" sometimes but we've not done anything sexually. When I was away on business a couple of weeks ago, she said she "did" herself which was also a first for her in a year.
We've asked her psych about it and he says it should return when her personality is back to 100%. She feels she's at about 80% now.
She appreciates that I've been so understanding and supportive, which I have certainly been, and knows it's been a difficult thing for me as well as for her. Is there anything medical or herbal that anyone has experience with that can help nudge things along? I've thought of Spanish Fly in her iced tea...
Thanks in advance. Just found this site and it's great.
T
how old is she? Is she of age for menopause to begin? that is something I have along with major depression that occurs often. The meds have a profound effect on one's sex drive, and the depression and hormonal fluctuations cause self image problems as well. try taking her out of your regular environment to a Bed n Breakfast or weekend at the beach. This gives love making a different light, at least for the moment. It can start the ball rolling.
She's 46, which would be young in her family for menopause, though I had considered that.
I'm still otherwise very affectionate and physical (non-sexually) with her and she with me, and she's not given any indications of self-esteem issues. It seems like a mostly physical as opposed to a psychological issue.
I recently got a book, that I haven't done more than flip through so far but it looks like it might be a good one.It's called The Orgasm Loop. Worth checking out?
There is a class of mental health meds that is rather infamous for causing sexual function problems. Ask if she takes and SSRI drugs. If so, perhapes its worth asking her Doctor about using one that is less likely to cause sex drive problems. I used WellbrutenXL after trying an SSRI and it worked but didn't cause this kind of problem.
"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." ~ Janis Joplin
As a women in forced menopause and who suffers depression....It's tough...
I went from "I'll try anything once" type of sex drive to none...I even missed my sex drive! I went into a deep depression after my surgery and stopped taking my AD's....Well to say the least that wasn't pretty...
I am now back on my Wellbutrin and feeling better everyday....my "tingles" are getting closer together but still no full blown drive like before...
Its great you have been supportive of her, my husband has been the same way because he realizes this is just "not me" and once my hormones straighten out "I" will be back!
Teeman, as much as you miss the wife and partner you know you have, it would be best to let this come back at her own pace. I really don't believe you trying to 'nudge' this to happen sooner would do any good.
Going through depression and losing your desire for sex is one of the most frustrating things I had ever dealt with. Luckily my husband gave me all the patience he had, plus we talked about how frustrated I was with it myself as I began to pull out of the depression. Having him there for me and being patient like that was the best thing for me.
Luckily I'm only on 1 med (Prozac), with all of what your wife has to take I'm surprised she's finally had a tingling.
Give it the time it needs, you'll soon be back in pleasure land again and it will be even better...I promise!!
Hi Teeman,
Antidepressants are supposed to make people feel better, but an unfortunate side effect of these drugs is that they can interfere with sexual response and sensitivity.
You might consider asking her to try the over-the-counter arousal oil called Zestra, which has been shown to be safe and effective for women using SSRI anti-depressants. Two placebo-controlled studies published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that this blend of botanicals (including borage seed and evening primrose oils, Angelica root and vitamins C and E) provided a significant increase in arousal, desire, genital stimulation, ability to orgasm and pleasure. The treatment worked equally well on women using SSRI antidepressant medications. Of course, she should talk with her doctor first before trying anything, and should not stop taking her antidepressant medications.
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