WildChild

Journaling can help.
Instead of rejecting the thoughts, why not explore them? If your thoughts are to act destructively and hurt yourself and others and you feel compelled to act on them - get help immediately. But otherwise examine them, what's going on? I've had some really ugly stuff come into my head - with all the news and movies of people doing horrible things, it's hard not to. If you can see them for what they are, you can let go of them more easily. Like trash blowing through your yard, you don't have to own them or act on them. Often times if you can 'look' at them and let them go, they won't bother you.

It's like having a freind tell you all about how upset they are over something someone said. You can nod your head and say, "I can see why you are upset" but you don't have to get upset over it - do you? Can you treat your own thoughts the same way? Yes.

OnAMission2009

Sally- I am going to second Wild Child on some things. You are not living...you are existing. You don't sound like you like your job and it doesn't sound like you have many social contacts. If these observations are incorrect then I apologize. What I see from what you write, though, is that you don't see yourself as a worthy person contributing to anything meaningful. Every person in this world was created with a purpose. No matter how big or small the contribution, it has meaning. You are worth more then you give yourself credit for, but somewhere along the way you stopped believing that. Maybe it was something someone said or did to you, and if that is the case, my question is...Why would you give someone that kind of power over your life? I am not devaluing your feelings, you have the right to feel what you feel. I really more want to raise your awareness at the power you are giving other people in running your life and affecting your decisions. Therapy may not be your cup of tea, or maybe you are not ready to face your demons- either way it is ok. You will in time. In the meantime, try and find another way to express you pain and sadness rather than taking it out on yourself. Find your worth. Start a new career or go to school, find your passion and figure out how to make money at it so that you have a focus in your life-away from your sadness. I really wish you the best. Someone close to me was a cutter and it broke my heart to watch her think so little of herself and to give her power away. She eventually overcame it, but with a huge price. I hope you can find the strength within yourself to love and appreciate who you are and what you have to offer. You really are worth the investment...

__________________
Kalyn
Don't make a permanant decision in a temporary situation

blondie80

I think everyone has a valid point here, Sally why concentrate on what is bad and what others have that you dont? It will only upset you sometimes you need to see who you are and why your here, and what your meaning is, not everyone has a huge breasts or a great body but they are awesome people, just because of the way you look doesn't make anyone less of a person or less worthy to be here!
I am a larger lady i would never make a super model or anywhere close, but i have a way with children, i absolutey adore them, i have 3 kids of my own and volunteer to work at school helping with kids learning to read and write because it makes me feel worthy and like im doing something to better everyone. I have had a lot of bad things happen in my life, but at the end of the day i started to forgive people to make myself feel better, with all of that i stopped feeling like a victim and only then was able to see myself in a more positive light!
Maybe journaling i agree would help, i think you may need an outlet to a degree as silly as it might seem we all need something to help keep us sane, but just remember what you decide to do you have some great qualities im sure because we all do and concentrating on those sometimes can help what happens next.