Trying to get over a relationship and depressed...

Carly26 · 03-17-2009, 03:42 PM

Hi, I dated a guy for a year and a half and we had tons of fun with each other other. I was attracted to him instantly and we were very much in love the first 6 or 7 months of the relationship. I guess back then I did not realize all the good stuff he did for me until the end that's when I started appreciating the good things he did for me. We are still friends which he is trying to help me get over the relationship. I still love him very much but I have sort gotten over the fact that he never wants to date me again. I actually started on anti-depressants while I was in a relationship with him because I had some family problems and they were really affecting me. The anti-depressants helped with my anxiety but about last august I started having problems with my bf so I decided to get off them thinking maybe that could help our relationship get better. Things got worse and I felt like I was going through too much because my family was bothering me telling me I can find a better guy social class wise. I was actually very happy with him and was fine with the way he lived. We broke up mutually in december and it was extremely hard for me because it seemed like I lost by best friend as well boyfriend. I started back on anti-depressants and I think all the anxiety from him no longer being affectionate towards me really caused me to break down. We still spoke everyday and I found a job hoping it would help me get over him which it sort of did but it is hard to fall out of love when you truly love someone because I truly loved him. I really never showed it to him but I really really loved him to the fact that he felt like family to me. I am still on anti-depressants but have been sleeping more than usual everyday. I have been seeing a therapist to try to help me with this but it seems when I see her it just makes me miss my ex more not actually forget about him. It has been 4 months since we have broken up and my ex-bf has told me lately that he feels like he cant breathe because I have been calling him to much which I admit that I have because I guess I just really need him in my life. He has been so good to me and has helped me through so much and as well I like to know how he is feeling and what is going on in his life and I love his family. So this has been sooo hard for me. I am on zoloft because celexa gave me too much anxiety. But I am only taking 25 mg but Im afraid to go to a higher dosage. Does anyone have any ideas on how to overcome and make the right choice.????

**jss2000** · 03-18-2009, 10:34 PM

Hi Carly,
Working with a therapist on this is a good idea. However, it sounds like you aren't finding the work you're doing together helpful. Let your therapist know what's going on, that you find yourself missing this man even more after your therapy sessions. Your therapist should be able to make adjustments. If that's not the case, then you can always request a referral to a different therapist. Ask your therapist for a self-help book recommendation--there are lots of good ones out there, and the information you gain may help you make changes faster.

Seeker · 03-20-2009, 06:55 PM

Hi there, I can relate to you, am still with my man of 5 years though i know its going nowhere, I truly love him but I have also given till it hurts and he does not give back, he just takes. We have a 3 year old girl and one on the way which makes seperation a scary prospect for me but rather than taking it lying down I've chosen to act rather than react.

I've done myself a list of things I truly want for myself, the stuff dreams are made of, things that I denied myself because there was always someone else to consider (having kids does that too you) and I'm having number 5.

I've made plans for me... Goal setting I guess you can call it that don't include him and after much soul searching I not only realized that I deserve better but also I found out what I don't want as well and as it turns out the one sided relationship I have with my BF isn't something I want.
Lifes to short to waste with the wrong person. I love him dearly but it may simply be I'm not the one will make him happy either.

I truly want for him to find happiness because as my best friend I only wish him the best.

03-17-2009, 03:42 PM	#1
Carly26 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1	Trying to get over a relationship and depressed... Hi, I dated a guy for a year and a half and we had tons of fun with each other other. I was attracted to him instantly and we were very much in love the first 6 or 7 months of the relationship. I guess back then I did not realize all the good stuff he did for me until the end that's when I started appreciating the good things he did for me. We are still friends which he is trying to help me get over the relationship. I still love him very much but I have sort gotten over the fact that he never wants to date me again. I actually started on anti-depressants while I was in a relationship with him because I had some family problems and they were really affecting me. The anti-depressants helped with my anxiety but about last august I started having problems with my bf so I decided to get off them thinking maybe that could help our relationship get better. Things got worse and I felt like I was going through too much because my family was bothering me telling me I can find a better guy social class wise. I was actually very happy with him and was fine with the way he lived. We broke up mutually in december and it was extremely hard for me because it seemed like I lost by best friend as well boyfriend. I started back on anti-depressants and I think all the anxiety from him no longer being affectionate towards me really caused me to break down. We still spoke everyday and I found a job hoping it would help me get over him which it sort of did but it is hard to fall out of love when you truly love someone because I truly loved him. I really never showed it to him but I really really loved him to the fact that he felt like family to me. I am still on anti-depressants but have been sleeping more than usual everyday. I have been seeing a therapist to try to help me with this but it seems when I see her it just makes me miss my ex more not actually forget about him. It has been 4 months since we have broken up and my ex-bf has told me lately that he feels like he cant breathe because I have been calling him to much which I admit that I have because I guess I just really need him in my life. He has been so good to me and has helped me through so much and as well I like to know how he is feeling and what is going on in his life and I love his family. So this has been sooo hard for me. I am on zoloft because celexa gave me too much anxiety. But I am only taking 25 mg but Im afraid to go to a higher dosage. Does anyone have any ideas on how to overcome and make the right choice.????

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03-18-2009, 10:34 PM	#2
jss2000 VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Utah, USA Posts: 40	Hi Carly, Working with a therapist on this is a good idea. However, it sounds like you aren't finding the work you're doing together helpful. Let your therapist know what's going on, that you find yourself missing this man even more after your therapy sessions. Your therapist should be able to make adjustments. If that's not the case, then you can always request a referral to a different therapist. Ask your therapist for a self-help book recommendation--there are lots of good ones out there, and the information you gain may help you make changes faster.

03-20-2009, 06:55 PM	#3
Seeker Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 8	Hi there, I can relate to you, am still with my man of 5 years though i know its going nowhere, I truly love him but I have also given till it hurts and he does not give back, he just takes. We have a 3 year old girl and one on the way which makes seperation a scary prospect for me but rather than taking it lying down I've chosen to act rather than react. I've done myself a list of things I truly want for myself, the stuff dreams are made of, things that I denied myself because there was always someone else to consider (having kids does that too you) and I'm having number 5. I've made plans for me... Goal setting I guess you can call it that don't include him and after much soul searching I not only realized that I deserve better but also I found out what I don't want as well and as it turns out the one sided relationship I have with my BF isn't something I want. Lifes to short to waste with the wrong person. I love him dearly but it may simply be I'm not the one will make him happy either. I truly want for him to find happiness because as my best friend I only wish him the best.