Unhappy with all aspects help!...

**vics68** · 03-18-2009 04:43 PM

Over the past few days i have frightened myself! And thought it was time to seek advice of others.

I was recently suddenly left after 2 yrs of being in love and being told we'd always be together etc he suddenly left me for a 17yr old teen mum. this was about a month ago now....I am crushed and really thought we'd be together for life.

Last summer i also had to give up my course as my placement boss who was a lesbian told me she was crazy about me and fancied me etc and i couldnt find another placement in time so im now only doing part time bar work.

My best friend is moving away to france, and another of my friends who is having man troubles of her own has been quite nasty towards me for no reason.

I feel so worthless and began thinking about all this and scared myself when i thought...why am i alive? wouldn't not being be so much easier than feeling this way? I don't understand why things have gone so wrong and where my life is headed. I feel so alone even when i'm with people. I have panick attacks i cry all the time. I feel like i'm missing an arm!
My moods are up and down all the time. What should i do? i didnt want to go to a doctors because i knwo im heartbroken and thats a tough thing but not a medical issue. But then i wonder is there more? why am i finding it SO hard to just get by everyday?

I suppose this is a cry for help, advice, opinions and experiences. I would like to speak with someone who has felt the same or does feel the same or going through something similar.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-18-2009 06:04 PM

I can't state that I have gone or are going through anything simular, rather, I have read many here, over the past whom have... You are not alone...

I tend to think things goes in threes... When something bad occurs, it's like a domino effect, it all hits you at once... I don't know why, but it seems to be the case... And, when over, not much bad happens at all for a long time.

Maybe, a way for you to cope with bad all at once, instead of over a 12 month span, you know, you get over one, then something else happens. This way you haven't had a chance to get over one, as they all tumble on you.

Also when negativity comes into you life, more negativity does. When a positive thing happens, more positive things happen.

You have to view all of this positively, such as, he left for a 17 year old with a child.. Do you really think that he will last with an immature girl, wiith a baby who cries over and over for long? Will he remember the fun and laughter you had?

And for instance, you need your friend who is moving to France, at this point in time, but all people live their own lives and she is moving to better hers, be happy for her and join facebook and talk to her about her new adventures.

And, maybe the lesbian was a move for you to "find" a better career, bar work is temporary.

And lastly, to see and realise that this friend is "not" a friend, or else she would realise you are having your own issues and dealing with pain just like you and you both should have been there for each other.

Your viewing it all wrong in otherwords... The World isn't bad, and things happen in life....

Who are you?
What do you want to do with your life?
You know you can find someone better than this man and 2 years is not long.

Are you clingy and needy? Do you need to change that?

Are your friends really your friends or acquaintances?

Are you sitting around wallowing, feeling sorry for yourself when you should be saying, pfttt... I am better than that, now what doors can be open? What opportunities lie beneath now?

Take this all as a new start to your life and get out and live.

If you still can't see any of this, see a Doctor, you may need medication to help you through the anxiety, because mostly it's mind over matter but sometimes everyone needs a little help in life.

Thanks for sharing your feelings and reaching out.

We are here..

CW

**jss2000** · 03-18-2009 10:04 PM

vics68,
like WC I'm not going through anything too tough right now, not what you're going through.
I totally agree with what WC said--trying to look at things positively and asking yourself some of those questions--questions about growth and opportunity and beautiful possibilities for your life.

I also agree that if your mood doesn't improve, or if thoughts about harming yourself persist or get worse--see a doctor. See a mental health professional--someone caring who can help you adjust to an unusually difficult time.

You also need friends and family--people you can talk with, get out and enjoy yourself with. Getting out should challenge any notions you may have that perhaps the best years of life are behind you. Whatever you do, don't get shut in or stop doing the things that you love. Keep moving, stay healthy.

It's normal to have thoughts about harming yourself when you're feeling this low. Lots of people have them at one time or another. But share with others in your life what you're going through--make sure there are a couple people you could call if you're ever in trouble.

If you ever have a crisis and no one is available, look up your local, state, or national crisis helpline--where you can talk with someone who is trained to help people in a pinch. They can talk you through your feelings and connect you with others who can help.

**WildChild** · 03-18-2009 11:03 PM

Opps Think you meant CW. Although I think I did respond to the OP on another thread.

**hunky_dory** · 03-19-2009 08:34 AM

Suffering is part of your journey. Depression is just an emotion. Don't resist it. That which you resist, persists. Allow the emotion to take its natural course.

However, don't indulge it. Depression is a form of narcissism. Allow the emotion to influence the perspective you have of your life right now, but don't lose sight of teh fact that it's just a perspective.

Concern yourself with the day to day duties of your life. You know what you have to do. Whether that's looking for another course to do or getting a job or taking a break. The MUNDANE aspects of your life. Do it regardless as a duty, detached from outcome. When the emotion subsides, you'll find yourself in a good empowered place.

Don't make an identity out of your boyfriends treatment of you, or your present sense of loss.

g'luck

**Debra** · 03-20-2009 10:03 AM

I see that Hunky dory was banned....not sure if it was because of this thread or not, but depression is NOT just and emotion nor is it a form of narcissism for crying out loud. If you've had repeated thoughts of suicide for more than just a week or if this feeling persists and nothing you do (i.e. eating healthier, excersizing, simple joys) change your mood, then I suggest seeing a professional.

I suffer from depression from time to time. Thanks to kms who suggested I analyze what I ate and how I slept first, my depression is now manageable. You may want to do the same. Sometimes our minds and bodies connect in a way in which we feel completely helpless. Do those first and if the depression persists, PLEASE speak with a health professional.

I feel for you and if you ever want to talk to someone who knows what you're going through, please feel free to drop a line.

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