Thread: PMS, PMDD, or something else?

That makes you the fifth or sixth person to suggest I am bipolar. I'm 18 now, so I would consider talking to a psychiatrist-once I am out of the house, in college. First I'll see if the end of school and the birth control help me, though. There was a period of about a year that I did not cut, but I was still fairly moody. I drove the people closest to me nuts..but they were my distraction. I took it out on them rather than myself-not by yelling at them but by leaning on them for support and frequently needing them to tell me they do want me around and I'm not annoying or a hassle, among other things. I stopped leaning on them for their sanity and started cutting/burning again. Still, it's only around that time that I stoop so low. I'm great right now, so it's confusing. Maybe a psychiatrist could enlighten me, but it will have to wait a few months when I can talk to a counselor or somebody at school-if my 'problem' persists.

I guess I don't want to say I have a condition and make it something extreme. I feel like if I sought therapy I'd be making a mountain out of a molehill. I know the way I handle things is wrong. I know I react badly and upset people or say more than they want to hear because I want somebody to care and listen and help. I feel like I sound like I am whining, and that maybe I just have a bad personality or am bad at handling situations and that is why I am the way I am. That I just need to grow a backbone and shut up and smile and learn that the acceptable answer to "How are you?" is "Good, thank you" and the acceptable response to "What's up?" is "Heyy" or "Not much, you?" because truthfully, most people don't want to know, and it's just polite conversation. If that makes sense.

I am moody, but if ever I try to explain it to my friends, the response is typically "me too" or soemthing similiar, so who is to say I really am different? Other than the cutting/burning, which could just mean that, as I said, I'm a whiner and need to get over myself (in my case). I can't decide.

Last night I worried my sister and cried myself to sleep because I stayed at a friend's house as our power was out. I worried her because I was afraid to sleep as it's an old house and I was alone down stairs with a single, little blanket. People die in old houses, as at least one did in hers, and old houses creak. I think I overreacted and said too much, upsetting my sister, as I often do when I am tired or otherwise compromised. I cut too (I burned a little before I left but broke what I use), but it was almost out of necessity as I brought the knife with me hours before I was alone to use it. I'm too rational. I don't know..I know a couple bipolar people, and I have read the symptoms and taken those stupid little personality tests, but I'm not convinced. I don't want to waste a therapist's valuable time they could spend helping someone with my issues that may just be age or stress or pms or something trivial that I will look back on and kick myself hard for.

Besides, I never bleed when I cut or burn. Just if I rip the scab. I scar but never bleed, so how serious can I be if I can't press hard enough?

I want to change. I almost wish it was a disorder or soemthing because at least then it wouldn't be my fault. I looked at the services my college offers and they seem to have walk-in counselling. I might try it, especially if it is free as I assume, if I still need it when I get there and think it's worth it.

Thank you, VeraLEwing, for your kind words.