I know I was gone for a bit it's cause I ended myself in the psych hospital again

**Iseulda** · 05-29-2009 05:16 AM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

The key to the answers is to see (1) think, just one, that makes sense and something amongst all of that, "makes sense"...

You only need to get one thing from answers and that can be enough to start a different journey Sall.

CW

I respectfully disagree - the key to solving this is to find the underlying problem and deal with it.

Something has made Sally feel this way about herself - it could be any number of things so there is no point in speculating. It may even seem, to the rest of us, irrelevant or non-traumatic. It is a psychological problem, possibly a psychiatric problem - 'making sense' doesn't really enter into it. The self loathing is a symptom, you can't treat a symptom - you can attempt to alleviate a symptom but, unless you treat the root cause, the illness, the symptom will return.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2009 05:56 AM

I respectfully disagree - the key to solving this is to find the underlying problem and deal with it.

Something has made Sally feel this way about herself - it could be any number of things so there is no point in speculating. It may even seem, to the rest of us, irrelevant or non-traumatic. It is a psychological problem, possibly a psychiatric problem - 'making sense' doesn't really enter into it. The self loathing is a symptom, you can't treat a symptom - you can attempt to alleviate a symptom but, unless you treat the root cause, the illness, the symptom will return.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

The key to the answers is to see (1) think, just one, that makes sense and something amongst all of that, "makes sense"...

??? Sorry? What if, the "underlying problem is seeing those words you said?"....
Something that "makes sense",

In general terms, we find solutions, from asking questions and as a result of asking questions, (such as on this board), something "can" opinion, "can", make sense, can trigger something, or else what are we all here for?

I have seen it many a time, it "makes sense" so respectfully, I disagree, sometimes words that hit home, "make sense" and can change things.

I think Sal will tell you, (if you read all her previous threads/posts ), that she has tried, she has changed and her issue we know, she knows:-

Let's get to the core of this: Her words!

1. Non existant chest
2. Hates breasts until she can change them
3. Hates padded bras
4. Fake breasts she detests
5. Small breasts are inferior

Nothing wrong with advising in my opinion, Sally, to look and see if in someone's reply, including yours she could see something that "made sense"..

We forget and again I disagree, we do not know the extent of "control/abuse be it veral, physical or emotional that her husband has "really" given her..

And, we don't know why she can't leave him.

Does not all this have something to do with her queries?

SallySkeleton

Sall mentions "emotional pain" several times in her posts...

Her "husband" put her down, re-read her posts, could he be the "emotional pain?" Have we asked her?

There is no speculation, I am asking her questions in my own way that's all.

Certainly cures are best for the experts, but we are not that, none of us, and we will give all people, I believe, what I see. That being everyone's opinons.

Point therefore, is, they will read those "opinions" and they will weight up if any of it makes sense or none.

People are incapable of seeing, but who knows if one sentance one day, says something that triggers as we have all seen, Doctors etc, to find the cause is usually already done, but not working.

So, my thoughts are , see if we can find a thought that makes sense..... Why not? It's good to think outside the square and not all medical.

Perhaps that's the dif.

Sall? So, is your husband the emotional abuse you are speaking of?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2009 06:19 AM

The self loathing is a symptom, you can't treat a symptom - you can attempt to alleviate a symptom but, unless you treat the root cause, the illness, the symptom will return.

Forgot this bit

Very true and I get what you are saying in this part...

We know it's the boobs, perhaps other parts, hair for instance comes to mind, but Why?

Good question really Sal, we are only debating regarding spiritual perhaps and technical...

But, why do you think you don't like things about you or it's your fault not his for instance? Do you know why?

CW

**Iseulda** · 05-29-2009 07:06 AM

I understand what you are saying now - that maybe one of these comments about the irrationality of hating her breasts will hit home. It might - it seems a long shot to me. I've had friends with self image problems and I told them over and over, til I was blue in the face, that their perceptions of themselves were MILES apart from the perceptions others had of them. My words made no difference.

I absolutely agree that asking questions is key to Sally solving this - I actually think, having read these last 2 posts of yours, that we are essentially talking about the same thing, just from a slightly different angle.

I guess what I was saying was that I see no point at all in trying to reassure Sally or convince her that she is attractive and that her breasts are desirable (though she is and they are) because she will not see it that way - she can't. It isn't her fault, it isn't stubbornness, it certainly isn't stupidity - there's an issue that needs to be sorted.

**WildChild** · 05-29-2009 07:50 AM

Very good point Iseulda, Sally seems to be an intelligent young woman and an attractive one. A number of times she had stated a belief that "men" like big breasts, and don't like fake breasts. She has also stated that her husband has expressed that he finds her breasts attractive. I would venture a guess that he isn't abusive so much as frustrated, fed up and probably scared. Men in general are fixers, they want to find the problem and correct it. Her 'problem' is much to deep for that. It must be very painful to watch someone you love and have committed to, harming themselves and disliking themself so much and to have them disreguard your opinion that they are attractive. He must feel very helpless and many people channel that as anger.

It's hard to say why this projected view of men's opinions wieghs so heavily for her and why she would give it so much power in her life. Many of us have beliefs that we can be quite unreasonable about. I hope that she can regocnize that we are all concerned about her and would like to see her happy and loving herself.

**sallyskellington** · 05-29-2009 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

Sally, I am a small breasted woman, and you know what my man told me he prefers? He prefers small breasted women. So when we met in person (we met online first), he couldn't take his eyes off me, and he admitted, he found me very attractive.

I am not raising my own here, Sall. I want to tell you that you can change the way you look at your situation.

Think, ask yourself, make a list or simply complete this open-ended statement:

1. I don't like _________________________________________________.
2. I don't like it because _____________________________________________.
3. I will feel happy if __________________________________________________ __.
4. If I can't ________________________________________, I will __________________________________________________ ____________________.

After completing this, bring it to your NEW counselor and use it as a conversation starter. Please be very patient with youself. Do you think medication would help you with your emotions? If so, discuss that with a counselor, too. You may want to see a doctor though to get prescription.

Take care.

I will try this one day.

**sallyskellington** · 05-29-2009 04:02 PM

CW,
I wouldn't call him abusive. Idk we fight and most the time its my fault anyway so idk wouldn't really call him abusive.

And I can't tell you why I hate this area of myself idk, I just know I idolize the porn star look and feel worthless cause I look nothing like it.

**sallyskellington** · 05-29-2009 04:07 PM

WC,
I kinda agree with you. Well he admits he use to care about my issues but doesnt anymore b/c I don't care about his sexual needs (which I know going 9 mo w/no sexual gratification is alot but idk just have no interest in sex). So yeah I guess he is frustrated.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-29-2009 04:15 PM

I think that what you need to work on is the love of yourself... more than the look of your breasts because if you did get a boob job, that was perfect - your focus would just shift likely to another area of your body you deem inferior. I say this because I live this.

I spent so many years hating myself because of my weight... so I finally lost it, became thin - thought life would begin then... but like you, hated my breasts, they felt small, deflated... I hated my body because of my breasts - if only they were bigger, fuller better - life would would begin for me...

So I got my breasts augmented, and I love the results.. love them and now I look at my face and every day I hate my face - every day I think I am not pretty enough. I don't want to change anything about it through surgery or anything - I am not off the deep end at this point. But my self loathing continues... and continues... if only I was prettier than everything will be just perfect..

I know deep down, its me hating me, and I would continue to hate me even if I looked prettier because I just never learned to love myself. I am trying, every day I am trying. I understand how you feel. I don't cut, I don't pretend to have an understanding for what that experience brings to you. But I tear myself apart emotionally, often.

I know I am a good person, I know I am worth more than my outer shell, I pray to one day be able to look at myself and SEE my flaws, shortcomings... and smile despite them. I hope for your sake that you can too.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-29-2009 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by sallyskellington

CW,
I wouldn't call him abusive. Idk we fight and most the time its my fault anyway so idk wouldn't really call him abusive.

And I can't tell you why I hate this area of myself idk, I just know I idolize the porn star look and feel worthless cause I look nothing like it.

Okay.. So he is frustrated, not abusive.

So, why do you feel that it's your fault? I mean I understand what you are saying, you get agitated start a fight, don't give him sex, want him to say thanks for a bj, after 9 months of not giving it up, but why do you do it?

If it's not him, then it's what a previous boyfriend? Someone who put you down? Taunting at school? At school, I had to wear "rubber ducky shoes", lol, seriously, and pink jumpers, (pink was so not in) and I got taunted, then I ended up in a fight (they picked on me) waited for me actually, and i won, whoo hoo.. No one picked on me again.. Point being, kids are cruel, they have no respect.. But we grew up Sall.

If not school, how did you get along with your family as a child, did you have a great childhood? Or, something happened that made you distant with them?

Iseulda

I guess what I was saying was that I see no point at all in trying to reassure Sally or convince her that she is attractive and that her breasts are desirable (though she is and they are) because she will not see it that way - she can't.

I know you "hate" answering people who see things but remember, the purpose of this Forum is to ask questions and hopefully get replies, including the posters to you.

At least you reply and come back and I so hope we can get to the bottom of this once and for all.

If people put you down and you are at your lowest, you believe them.

But, if you realise that those people are stupid, and have their own issues and this is their way of dealing with theirs, hidding behind words that hurt someone else, then you can be at your highest.

What took you down so low way back when ...?

Thread: I know I was gone for a bit it's cause I ended myself in the psych hospital again

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