littlegirllost

I have this good friend of mine and I am worried that he may have a drinking problem. He comes home from work around 2 in the afternoon and starts drinking...he can drink 21 beers in a night...and sometimes a mixed drink or two. Over the holiday, he ran out of beer and was having a panic attack cuz the liquor stores were closed. Sometimes he starts sobbing for no reason at all. Then he will go for days without talking to me...wont answer his phone...wont return my phone calls or text messages. Then other times he calls me during the night several times and wakes me up. I try to get him to drink soda or juice and he wants no part of it. When he is sober, he is the nicest guy in the world...but when he's drunk he's a different person...the other night, he was drunk and told me I need to be smaller and prettier. I dont know what to do to help him and I dont think he wants help....any advice would be appreciated.

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Littlegirllost

caterpillar79

Nobody can help your friend but himself. He is obviously IS an alcoholic, and alcoholics with their alcoholic brains are pretty much a mishap. Yet, he needs a friend like you who can be supportive. You should not let your guard down though (are you infatuated with him? If you are, you are in big trouble). Alcoholics can be destructive, either to others or to oneself. I would say though through my own experience that the latter weighs more. And if you are not cautious enough, you will end up in co-dependency which is not healthy at all. One takes every bit of energy from the other leaving nothing but a barren land. Believe me, I've been there...and glad to be out of that pit!

What you can do is to talk to him and try to "coerce" him to join AA or any support group that you think would fit him/or what he prefers. This task could be difficult because most alcoholics deny their alcoholism, and won't admit they need HELP. He must have the will to do it, or else, your effort will be in vain. You may want to sit him down when he's sober and ask him what he really wants out of his life. What his plans are and how he thinks he'll be able to make them happen. Then take it from his answers. Guide him to realizing that he needs help. Use a little bit of psychology and gentleness. Show him how much you care for him. Always look at the small positive things that he does, and praise him to reinforce his positive behavior. DO NOT use putdowns or negative feedback.

To start your crucial converstaion, you may want to start about how you feel about him (as a friend , I suppose), and how you seem to like the way he is when he is sober and that is what is very adorable about him, etc... Think of ways to entice him to make himself a better person. He might despise you at first, but he'll appreciate you later.

Tell us how it goes. Good luck.

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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.

Iseulda

I don't think it is at all obvious that your friend is an alcoholic. I think it is obvious that your friend is abusing alcohol but that is not the same thing.

There are a number of online questionnaires you can find - site policy here does not allow me to provide you with a link but if you go to a search engine and type in something like "Am I an alcoholic questionnaire" you will find several helpful resources.

Some people turn to alcohol in times of trouble and it effects them very badly but then they have no problem ditching the alcohol when the trauma is over, when they realise they are abusing it, hurting others, etc..

The true definition of an alcohol is someone who cannot stop - even though they know they are hurting themselves and others, even when it is obvious alcohol abuse is effecting their ability to function in day to day life.

People who abuse alcohol but are not alcohols can, after resolving their problems, go back to using alcohol the way most of us do, special occasion, a mild relaxant at the end of a hard day, etc. - Alcoholics cannot, the vast majority have to stay completely dry in order to stop themselves falling back to square one.

An alcohol support group like Alcoholics Anonymous can help whether or not your friend is an alcoholic or is just abusing alcohol. See if you can get him to sit down with you and do one of those questionnaires - it might be a real eye opener for him.

Best of luck to both of you.

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Now let us sport us while we may; / And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour, / Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all / Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife / Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun / Stand still, yet we will make him run.

CHANDLERS WISH

Good advice above...

You can see signs and acknowledge a problem and as a friend, want to help but probably also, want a little more peace than you are getting, like late night, early morning text messages.

Besides the good advise above, I would like to say, don't "carry this" all on your shoulders no one is actually really mentioning you when it comes to "what can I do", that is in itself a statement, a question.

What you need to do, is understand you have a good heart, you will try as you can, your a good person but you can only do what you can do.

All the recommendations in the world of "get help" will only surfice as you stated, if "he wants to", that is the hard part.

If this is daily?If this is every night? Or close to it, 21 cans even 3, 4 times a week, he needs serious help, serious... Panic attacks are not something we can say don't get advice immediately, or we shouldn't, as soon as it effects your thought patterns you go see someone...

CW

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WildChild

How long has he been doing this ? Some people can drink like this for years w/o being alcoholic and others become alcoholic almost overnight, but it's completely unpredictable. What he's doing is not healthy. You can try talking to him when he is sober but HE has to make the decision to stop or to get help. This sounds very compulsive and that's not good.

ThexMrs

It's true... You can suggest that he look into getting help but you cannot force him to get help. He is going to have to want to change himself, for himself, no one else. Definitely sit down and talk to him while he is SOBER and let him know what your concerns are.

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ilovemyninja007

Take it from a teen who lost her father two years ago when i was 12...he is and your must take away what you love from him. I wish i had taken myself away from my father when he had the chance of quiting....i wish i had said im not coming over anymore until you stop...please dont make the mistake like i did...talk to him and let him know whats what...its good to make them cry then something is getting into them...alcoholism is a terrible disease and is spred through genetics so please PLEASE tell him....tell his family, his mother whoever he is closest to...I know this is silly to say but i hope my experience can help anyone...he CAN and WILL die soon if you dont help him...you dont want to be helpless thats why your here so dont waste time...and dont feel helpless there are things you can do to help prevent another victim being sucked into alcoholosm

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