Thread: Is my friend an alcoholic?

Nobody can help your friend but himself. He is obviously IS an alcoholic, and alcoholics with their alcoholic brains are pretty much a mishap. Yet, he needs a friend like you who can be supportive. You should not let your guard down though (are you infatuated with him? If you are, you are in big trouble). Alcoholics can be destructive, either to others or to oneself. I would say though through my own experience that the latter weighs more. And if you are not cautious enough, you will end up in co-dependency which is not healthy at all. One takes every bit of energy from the other leaving nothing but a barren land. Believe me, I've been there...and glad to be out of that pit!

What you can do is to talk to him and try to "coerce" him to join AA or any support group that you think would fit him/or what he prefers. This task could be difficult because most alcoholics deny their alcoholism, and won't admit they need HELP. He must have the will to do it, or else, your effort will be in vain. You may want to sit him down when he's sober and ask him what he really wants out of his life. What his plans are and how he thinks he'll be able to make them happen. Then take it from his answers. Guide him to realizing that he needs help. Use a little bit of psychology and gentleness. Show him how much you care for him. Always look at the small positive things that he does, and praise him to reinforce his positive behavior. DO NOT use putdowns or negative feedback.

To start your crucial converstaion, you may want to start about how you feel about him (as a friend , I suppose), and how you seem to like the way he is when he is sober and that is what is very adorable about him, etc... Think of ways to entice him to make himself a better person. He might despise you at first, but he'll appreciate you later.

Tell us how it goes. Good luck.

I don't think it is at all obvious that your friend is an alcoholic. I think it is obvious that your friend is abusing alcohol but that is not the same thing.

There are a number of online questionnaires you can find - site policy here does not allow me to provide you with a link but if you go to a search engine and type in something like "Am I an alcoholic questionnaire" you will find several helpful resources.

Some people turn to alcohol in times of trouble and it effects them very badly but then they have no problem ditching the alcohol when the trauma is over, when they realise they are abusing it, hurting others, etc..

The true definition of an alcohol is someone who cannot stop - even though they know they are hurting themselves and others, even when it is obvious alcohol abuse is effecting their ability to function in day to day life.

People who abuse alcohol but are not alcohols can, after resolving their problems, go back to using alcohol the way most of us do, special occasion, a mild relaxant at the end of a hard day, etc. - Alcoholics cannot, the vast majority have to stay completely dry in order to stop themselves falling back to square one.

An alcohol support group like Alcoholics Anonymous can help whether or not your friend is an alcoholic or is just abusing alcohol. See if you can get him to sit down with you and do one of those questionnaires - it might be a real eye opener for him.

Best of luck to both of you.