Miya

I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with this.

My DH has bouts of depression (though I don't think enough to be classified for major depressive disorder) and also a security clearance for his job. I've urged him to speak to someone about it but he's scared that it might affect his clearance (ie they'll revoke it and he'll be out of a job since he has to have it for his work).

Any thoughts on what he can do? I don't know enough about that to really push or urge him one way or another now. I just think he could use some help (either regular therapy or maybe small doses of an SSRI like Fluoxetine)

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OG612

If he goes to a shrink on his own, there's not much he can do as long as he's not divulging classified information or taking drugs that will leave him in a daze.

But if he's forced to go by his employer, then they can revoke his clearance. As an Air Force veteran, I've seen friends separate after having lost their clearance due to stupid decisions on their part (not saying that your DH is making a stupid decision by not seeking help). But if he's constantly depressed, then maybe it is a recurring a depressive disorder? I'm a psych nurse these days, but that one is hard for me to diagnose.

Just keep pushing for him to get help. Or tell him to join a fraternal organization like the Freemasons. Maybe the fellowship will help lift his spirits and not leave him so down all the time.

OG

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WildChild

Got to wonder what is going on with all the "depression" these days. It's either got to be an environmental exposure issue or as OG suggests, lack of social contact. Or a combination. The number of people on drugs to mediate their feeling is scary. Personally I like to feel my feelings and if they get out of balance, explore what is going on.

I've had experiences working with things like powerful detergents to clean concrete that have left me shaky and hyper emotional for several days. I get out the milk thistle and start drinking lots of water and I now use better protective gear with all sorts of exposures. We are all exposed to all kind nasties every day, they have to have some effect - more so on some people than others. Add to that many people's lack of real interaction and connection with other people or animals and you have a recipe for trouble. Video games, tv and porn are not adequate substitutes for conversation, sharing, touch and real interaction.

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Miya

Thanks OG and Wildchild. I'll keep gently nudging him to see someone.
From what I've gathered the basis of this seems to extend pretty far back. He's told me that in school he was picked on quite frequently and mercilessly either due to wearing glasses, being larger than most kids, or scoring higher on tests. He didn't have a lot of friends his age but was more exposed to attorneys and judges and that sort that were his mothers colleagues.

After HS he said he seemed to make a series of poor choices educationally and relationship-wise that left him feeling insecure about a job, living arrangements, and relationships. (He did finally get an A.D. degree and is still trying to finish his BS degree in the evenings though he's had to take a while off since we got married)

Apparently it seemed to get worse when his mother passed away pretty quickly in 2001 from breast cancer. (2 months from diagnosis to death) and she had always been his best friend and primary comfort. He said he knew his father loved him but was always working and didn't have a lot of time when he was younger. His relationship prior to ours (ended 3 years before we met) was with a woman 11 years his senior who encouraged him to leave his job (and his rental) where they worked (she didn't tell anyone they we seeing each other) and to start a photography business. Then 6 months later she told him it wasn't working and he needed to find another place to live (and another job since freelancing wasn't paying enough at the time). Then in 2007 his cat of 14 years died. (all this came out last night).

He just seems sad so much of the time and it breaks my heart to see him like this. Sometimes he's ok (generally speaking he's very mild tempered and easy going) but sometimes it's like he has no energy to do anything or even talk much. I know he's not particularly fond of his job (not a lot of pay or respect or opportunity to advance) but there's really nothing about how he feels that would make him a security risk. He's just not like that. He told me last night that he'd be scared to go see someone about how he feels because he's worried it might affect his clearance. He's not due for review for many years but his contract may end in 2011 which means he'd have to find another job and the new place might rei-nvestigate or something.

He's really a wonderful caring person and has very deep compassion for people but I just don't know what to really do or say about his being sad so I thought I'd write here and get opinions.

Thanks for the advice and support.

__________________
Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Lord Buddha

WildChild

It sounds like he needs some real interests, passions or activities. Perhaps he has too much time to dwell on all this? I know when I feel down, getting out, taking a hike, running, going out to lunch with a friend or doing some sewing or gardening really helps. I lost my mom to cancer and it's hard but you have to remember that people who care about you wouldn't want you sunken into sorrow and depression.

Does he have any hobbies, sports or interests? Could he develop some? Depending on your interests; join the Sierra club or a bird sighting group that counts bird populations, or volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, he could join the Masons as OG suggested or some other service group - just something to get him out, meeting some new people and out of himself and his loses and issues. Living in the past does us no good, it's a place to visit just long enough to learn from our mistakes or successes then we have to move on.

He's Lucky to have you but we all need more than one support leg.

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We can only learn to love by loving.

Iris Mudoch, British writer

CHANDLERS WISH

Maybe concentrate on what he likes to do and then try to fit that somehow into a new career path, sit together and study "haha" no but seriously..

It would get him out earlier and there would be no need for the stress to get to him and his depression should be less I would think in something he actually likes as well and doesn't need a medical.

Maybe also if you can afford, have friends over a little more with some stupid game board after dinner that makes people laugh.

Little things.

I agree with WC with hobbies etc, but maybe this route incorporates that whilst also ensuring a future as that will only stress him more as well, thinking about 2011 and what that means. It's not that far away.

Best wishes, your a good wifey...

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OhThereYouAre

He is very lucky to have you.

Does he participate in any type of physical activity?

Personally, working out is a very effective mood enhancer. It's a hobby, it passes time, allows a release of stress and the results make you look good!

Maybe you can suggest working out together? I'd be happy to share my weight routine, although I'm sure at his stature he'd be lifting a few pounds heavier than myself.

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Miya

Thanks for all the kind words and advice everyone.

WC and CW, he used to have hobbies but even before we got married he said most everything he used to like to do or had the energy for he's now just lost the zest for doing them. I'm in agreement about the drugs but he thinks they might help so I'm behind him. We also just recently moved to the area so there's basically nobody around here that are really our friends yet which serves to enhance the feeling of isolation. Added to that the fact that I'm on business or in the air for days, weeks, sometimes months and he's by himself.

OG and OTYA, yes, he actually does work out every morning between 4-5 am with his total gym thing and weights. He also goes every other Friday to the park here for something called ultimate frisbee(??? dunno exactly what's the big deal about it) and he says he likes doing it and being outside but he doesn't feel "joy" or real happiness at it. It's kind of like he's trying to do something but there's this cloud.

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He finally gave in and went to a family care dr. and described what his mindset is like and how he's been feeling for a while and they have started him on Prozac and recommended psychotherapy. From everything I've read (and we have a copy of the DSM IV TR at home (from one of my abnormal psych classes) his symptoms for the most part seem to point to dysthymia though I'm not sure what the official diagnosis was (they didn't really tell him either).

Now we're just hoping that when it comes time for a renewal, that this won't be an issue (and apparently the doctor he saw didn't seem to think it would be an issue either because she said she'd had people at her practice checking on this kinds of things while investigating people) but frankly I (and he as well) would rather have him healthy and some joy in his life than worry about some stupid security clearance.

Again thank you all for everything. *hug*

__________________
Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Lord Buddha

Devon

Hi,

You can ask him to undergo the psychosocial therapies. They include Interpersonal Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Psychoanalytically Oriented Therapy. Medical therapies include hospitalization and administration of antidepressant medications.

Miya

Thanks Devon. We're working through some CBT and he's looking up potential psychotherapists. (which I think are terrific mediums for helping with issues)

__________________
Do not dwell in the past,
do not dream of the future,
concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Lord Buddha