Thread: Bad feelings

Well, if he can't handle this isn't it better to find out now rather than when you have committed to a mortgage and gotten comfortable in a house that you find you have to sell or leave?

Increasingly, as I mature, I think it is a really bad idea for women to ever become dependent on a man in their lives - too often it just leaves us in a bad situation. The woman hits menopause and he takes off with a younger woman, or he loses his job and she ends up supporting him while he sinks into depression and becomes harder and harder to live with. She supports him through school or helps build a successful business and then he dumps her when things are getting good.

Another thing I've seen several times is a couple who has worked through their difficulties and seems to have life pretty well in hand, he dies and it all falls apart. There isn't enough insurance to pay off the house or debt, his pension dies with him or she gets only a third, all at once she is losing their home, cars, her credit is shot, the kids are having to scramble for loans or drop out of college. Even if the woman has worked all along, chances are she just doesn't make the income to keep it together. Men who lose a wife can have a hard time but the reality is that for women it is generally much tougher economically.

We women need to have our own incomes, savings, retirement accounts and credit. You need to know as a single or a couple, how much term life insurance you really need to pay off your debts, including the house, see your kids through college, and fund the survivor's retirement. Very few people have adequate coverage. The same holds true with retirement money. What people think they can get by with and what they really should plan on taking into account inflation, tends to be wildly different.

This is very much the case in the US and I assume in many other countries as well. It's can be hard, I didn't have a lot but cashed out everything - retirement and saving to help us get by when my now ex was unemployed for a prolonged time. Now he is making more than ever, I'm scraping by with nothing but debts (something I never had before) and am now less employable due to my age, outdated skills, and a long time out of the "real" job market. In this economy I feel fortunate to keep a roof over our heads but am barely making it. This all too common.

By keeping a greater degree of independence and not getting your finances and living situation too entangled (and certainly not with someone who isn't 100% committed) you may be saving your self a load of grief in the future.