insanely obsessed with boyfriend's ex!

**sexybabe** · 10-29-2009 12:50 AM

[QUOTE=Hopeless Dork;123619]Sounds like she's moved on, you are focusing on her , trying to figure out what it is about her that lead him to propose to her and not to you. She was this ghost and you wanted to face the ghost head on... but you could just ask your boyfriend, what made him fall in love with her (be careful though... you may not want to hear the reasons, why pain yourself?QUOTE]

you're right, i don't think i wanna know. after discovering too much of the things i wasnt supposed to know, i learned my lesson well

so i thought since i know it will be hard to stop going through her emails, i changed her password. i wrote down a series of numbers and letters mixed together on a small piece of paper, something i would never even memorize, changed her password and then threw away the paper. that wasy i wil never be able to access her email again. she will have to go through the hassle of retrieving and changing her password again but at least, i would be able to guess it again. i really am determined to stop this insanity because honestly, i am so close to thinking that i have a serious mental disorder.

i know i shouldnt beat myself up too much but i want to remember how bad this feels like and how horrible i think of myself now so that i will never let myself get obsessive again.

you know what, you said something that struck me. i suddenly realized why i am curious about her and her life... i wanted to know what it is about her that made him propose to her! of course! i didnt realize that. i didnt know why i was interested in her in the first place. all i knew was that i wanted information about her, everything i could get. that's so sick. im glad i finally have the courage to stop this.

thank you! i appreciate everything you said

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-29-2009 01:17 AM

Any person that proposes after two months is actually swept up in "fantasy/lust". At some stage reality hit/kicks in.

Have you ever considered it was her child as to that reason? He loves children, he obtained an instant bond with that child, I bet that's why he proposed.

In addition, a man who proposes after a couple of years, is SURE.. she's the one and there's no low self esteme there. You're viewing it back to front.

The fact is she is a lier, she probably was after a husband "finance" for her child, she probably co-ersed him into thinking about marriage from get go, liers continue to lie.

The fact again that he left her and doesn't communicate, the fact that he appreciates your feelings and doesn't bring this child around you, the fact that he's been with you over a year tells you, you've got 100% ON HER.

So, all you have to do, is get that through your mind.. He's with you. He chose you.. He hasn't talked to her.. He loves you.. and there is no reason anymore to find out about her.

She manipulated I'm guessing through the child.

And, if that's not convincing enough ask him. Communication is the only thing that makes relationships last, you don't have to spill anything, just a simple question... "What made you get engaged last time in only 8 weeks hun?" Curious that's all.

CW

**sexybabe** · 10-29-2009 05:21 PM

yeah, i didnt see it that way. she must have manipulated through her kid after seeing how my bf instantly connected with the child. oh and the huge sum of money he spent on her, i just hate the thought of it. he spent for her annulment (no divorce in my country, and annulment is pretty expensive), renovation of her house, liposuction, helped out with the kid's school, the trips, shopping, fixed her car... he said that in the 1 1/2 years that they were together, he spent a total of $18,000 (i converted the amount to USD). that's is just a silly way to fall in love!

when i think about it, i wouldnt have discovered the sweet messages to the kid if i hadnt snooped too much, i should not be checking his phone in the first place. i was so upset because he stopped sending me messages (he used to send me sweet messages, wrote me poems, emailed me a lot... he's a very expressive person) and i told him many times how much i wanted and missed receiving those messages. then i see that while he cant be romantic with me anymore, he can keep sending messages to the daughter of his ex!

but then, youre right chandler. he left her, he chose me, he's still with me, and he doesnt see the kid anymore because he knows how uncomfortable i am with that. i just have to remember all this.

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