Chronically ill family member

**brianna** · 11-16-2009 06:55 PM

Hi, I'm new and this is my first post. I really need some encouragement

. My uncle has a chronic illness that's stressing out my whole family. I'm extremely close to my uncle and it makes me angry and sad that he's so sick. I hate feeling helpless, but I know there's nothing I can do to heal him. I'm struggling just to be strong for him and for the rest of my family, but I'm starting to feel like a liar. It's getting harder and harder to laugh when he jokes about dying, because I know he's not entirely joking.

I just started college and it's hard to concentrate on school when I'm so worried about this. I love my uncle tremendously, but I can hardly stand to spend time with him sometimes because I hate to see him so sick.
Please help! I don't want to stress my family even more by telling the that this is bothering me so much, but I don't know what to do anymore.

**Goodgirl93** · 11-16-2009 08:13 PM

Oh my gosh doll I'm soo sorry to hear this. I've been in this position more than once,twice,and even more than three times.losing someone close to you is always hard! Especially during the process of them dying.but after they've passed away,the sadness is still there,but atleast you know they aren't suffering anymore.I've learned and trying to keep a sick and ill family member alive and hanging by a thread..is selfish,even though you think your helping them.

I really wish I could tell you something to make it all better,but just try to keep your mind off of it.cry tonight,but tomorrow do activities and try to occupy your time.

Best of wishes for you and your uncle.

-Goodgirl

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-16-2009 08:18 PM

Hi brianna.

It's difficult when there is an illness in the family and you don't quite know how to cope with it and it doesn't stop there, then there will be coping with the death.

Your not alone. Your family are feeling the same and your Uncle is joking to try to ease your pain and that of those around you.

Don't feel bad about "stressing" your famliy out because you wouldn't be, alternatively you would be helping them cope and talk about it as well. It's when you all bottle it up inside you and don't talk, that it is worse.

Why not ask to see old photos, and sit around a table and laugh and cry and talk, over a cup of tea?

Tell your Uncle what he means and has always meant to you and that you know he is joking to ease your pain and others but you want him to know that it hurts and that you love him.

It's important to express at a time like this not hold it in.

There are people on this Forum who have gone through things as well. You are not an orphan.

Use this Forum to vent, cry and talk as well.

We are here for that at the worse, a friendly ear to listen to.

Take care.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-06-2009 03:58 AM

Hey Brianna, others will answer and I hope you haven't left us yet

CW

**brianna** · 12-07-2009 12:39 AM

Thanks for the encouragement! It helps so much to share this struggle with people outside my family. I'm just so scared of letting my uncle's illness affect me because I'm afraid to let my guard down, but it's really hard to play-act all the time, too. I just wish a miracle would occur, but I don't really even believe in miracles anymore because of this.

I'm about to go home for Christmas break, and it's going to be difficult to see him and deal with his sickness, but your encouragement has definitely helped me.

I'm just going to try to be as positive as possible and let him know how much I love him. I don't know if there's anything else I can do.
-brianna

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-07-2009 01:08 AM

You know there are alot of people who don't get the chance to speak, the chance to tell their loved onces, how they feel about them.

You have that chance, so that's a miracle, isn't it

Always, look at the positives, regardless of what negatives are thrown at us in life sweet.

CW

**pretzel** · 12-08-2009 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by brianna

Thanks for the encouragement! It helps so much to share this struggle with people outside my family. I'm just so scared of letting my uncle's illness affect me because I'm afraid to let my guard down, but it's really hard to play-act all the time, too. I just wish a miracle would occur, but I don't really even believe in miracles anymore because of this.

I'm about to go home for Christmas break, and it's going to be difficult to see him and deal with his sickness, but your encouragement has definitely helped me.

I'm just going to try to be as positive as possible and let him know how much I love him. I don't know if there's anything else I can do.
-brianna

Please don't ever be afraid to say you're scared and to keep your guard up. Many times it's part of the death process (especially for those suffering from long term illness') to make peace with those whom will be greatly affected by this. Keeping your guard up may very well keep you from saying something that he would love to hear or may be felt by other family members.

For those who have the priveledge of being able to share memories of a terminally ill person before they pass helps greatly in the greiving process.

Sometimes it's the things we don't say that come back to haunt us.

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