Cutting, is it really that bad?

**molant1** · 11-27-2009 01:56 AM

Well I seem to do this alot whenever someone I really care about yells at me, dose something horrible, or if I hurt them. I had done it a few years ago and stopped but started back up again when me and my boyfriend got in a fight about me lieing and then he said well then I think your lieing about being rapped I bet you liked it, so I carved Liar into my right theigh. Ever since then I have been doing it for the slightest things. I also get really upset when my boyfriend takes it away from me I get so angry and feel betrayed. Can this seriously be hurting me? I've never gone to the hospital or anything, they are just little cuts, but whenever my boyfriend finds out freaks out on me. I'm doing this not to kill myself, just to tell myself that I was bad. I do it on my theighs cause I hate that part of my body the most (Really fat theighs).

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-27-2009 02:12 AM

You know, I recently saw this from another threader.. When things are happy, nothing, when bad? Cutting.

But I also know of at least 2 people since I joined here, (getting in first before your replies

, whom did this too but haven't for a year.

I know it seems to feel like a release, comfort, your right, they are little not deep, not life threatening but the pain seems to make you feel ahhhh.....

Do you think that you have the wrong boyfriend this time? I mean you stopped and started again but with him... He put you down.. Rape is Rape, don't let someone make you feel guilty and try to turn it around.

You may be a very sexual person.. That seems to be one trait in all of you, you feel that giving sex means "LOVE" and you hold onto that love until, they put you down and then off you go, and if you have gotten this addiction out of your system then its marijuana or alcohol... It's needy and attention seeking.

What do you mean that he "takes it away from you" and you feel "angry and betrayed?"... the razor blade?

The thing is, this is common, and rape seems to be the major reason.

And, now it's a process of finding yourself.

Think you may let us try?

I can say that 1) here stopped.

Another like you stopped for a long time, did it and then stopped.

And, a third told of her past, not present and not future, she found the way and she is probably your inspiration.

Whilst I won't mention her name, I will link this thread to her.

She does believe in tough love but she also believes in "love" and she does love.

This maybe her, reason as to why she has no more need.

I think.

Where you, are feeling betrayed, un-loved, un-supported, wrongly done by, he is wrong... etc.

Wrong man sweet.. Woman appear to go to anyone that treats her the way she was treated when she was a victim because she feels somewhat, it's her fault.

IT'S NOT.

You need to undergoe a bit of councelling but also really, really read this post and others that follows.

CW

**molant1** · 11-27-2009 02:21 AM

He's not bad at all!!! He is the sweetest most loving guy I have ever dated!
But he has a really bad jealousy issue, the fight about the rape thing started because I lied about dating a some guy before him (I dated the guy for like 2 weeks)
I was cutting before cause my mom would constintly tell me my theighs were fat and that I was a loser cause of it, so I thought (at the time) that cutting them would make them smaller.

**molant1** · 11-27-2009 02:26 AM

I have never been addicted to sex, and I know the difference between lust and love. I had previous addictions (marijhana and alchol), but my boyfriend made me quit as soon as we started going out.
Oh and the pictures are from when I made him cry (he dosen't call it cry he says tears just came out) from pulling on his pubs.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-27-2009 02:35 AM

Well I seem to do this alot whenever someone I really care about yells at me, dose something horrible,

Can I make a comment? We aren't here to judge

just offering opinions that maybe something, anything makes sense to you and so you say, oh ok, I get that bit.. So no one is going to yell and scream at you and tell you off, that's not an opinion, that's judgement and all Mods would/will ban them.

I think your lieing about being rapped I bet you liked it

So how did you feel when he said that then? And, what was your reply, his reply?

I understand, he thinks your "claim" could have been avoided, NO I COULDN'T HAVE HAD, see men know women are weak, vulnerable, when really needing in life, love... for instance and they prey.

Remind him... of this... he remembers, if not of him, of his mates.

To your thread. Is cutting really bad? YES. It's not really dangerous physically, but is mentally, in my opinion.

And, again you need to find the route of the cause, what made you so hurt, who hurt you so bad, and you know what it was/is, that has made you feel worthless..

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

Please repeat. Even if you were flirting, if you said no, NO, means, NO... and if someone goes against this, it is RAPE. Whom ever that person is... And you may class this as jealousy? But, isn't it also non understanding of what you went through aren't you justifying? He said that, cause he's jealous? But, how did that make you feel? Should a "boyfriend ever make a "woman" feel like that?". Isn't that hurtful and you blame it away because? Because, you don't feel as worthy sweet, you hurt from what he said and "bad"..

Your beautiful really hey...

Seriously.

So look in that mirror and see it.

I seriously am going to leave it at that, and see if we can bring to the table those whom have been there and see if you can relate to those people and help each other

You recognise something, you want something, or you wouldn't have joined.

We are a great support network here at WH, welcome to the Forum.

CW

**Little** · 11-27-2009 03:24 PM

Yes, cutting is bad. Why? Because it is a symptom of an underlying inability to cope with the ups and downs that come with everyday life. It's a method by which to get attention. Is getting that attention a bad thing? Not necessarily.
You need help. Your cutting tells me that in an instant. You can't cope on your own.
You feel out of control. Your boyfriend doesn't believe you. Your mother calls you fat. You hurt people unintentionally. So you turn the hurt they do to you (and that you do to them) inward, make it physical. You can't control the emotional pain, so you create the physical to balance it out. You punish yourself.
You're in a tumultuous period in your life. I cut when I was 16. I know how you feel. You think it feels good, maybe that it calms you down. It's an effective coping mechanism. But it is unhealthy.
A side note: the "savior" boyfriend is not always the best boyfriend. For some reason he has elected to choose you and "fix" you. Why? You weren't good enough to begin with? It's great that he cares about you enough to take away your cutting implements. And At your age, you shouldn't be drinking and marijuana could get you in a lot of trouble. But between his mandates of what you should and should not do and his extreme jealousy (to the point of calling you a liar about a very personal and traumatizing event) is a blueprint for a controlling partner. Think hard about any turns this relationship takes.

**WildChild** · 11-27-2009 03:30 PM

With an alcohic mother and dad apparently in denial or not dealing with it. It isn't surprising you are having some trouble with coping skills. I suggested this elsewhere and will again, you need to find and connect with adults who can help you. School counselors, a teacher, a freind's parents; you need help accessing resourses to help you. AA for family members would probably be very helpful.

**ThexMrs** · 11-27-2009 08:19 PM

It's a method by which to get attention.

This extremely pisses me off Little. You really shouldn't make such terrible accusations and/or assumptions. Self mutilators aka Cutters do not abuse themselves for attention. (Maybe you did) You were dead on when you wrote that it was because of not having the proper coping skills. You should have stopped there.

Cutting is a last resort when it comes to me. I will listen to music, write or do another activity to try to deal with what I am going through BEFORE I turn to my trusted blade. When I cut, it is not to get attention from a single soul. In fact, most cutters hide the abuse by wearing long sleeves, jeans and even to the point of putting makeup over the wounds to hide them.

Mo, I know exactly what you are going through. I've been a cutter from the age of 15. It comes and goes. I stopped doing it for quite a few months and then it got to the point where I couldn't handle what I was going through and hurt myself. This happened recently.

Here are the photos:

I was not in my right state of mind when I abused myself. I was high on prescription medications that I stole. When that wasn't enough to release me from the pain I was in, that's when I turned to my blade.

I appluad you for being brave enough to come on here and express yourself not only through words but through the photos. I did the same but later had the photo removed because I was embarrassed. Now that I see you going through the same thing, don't be embarrassed. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

When you ask if there is anything wrong with it, my immediate answer was going to be no because I do it myself however... To harm ourselves because we cannot cope with our pain is wrong. We should love ourselves more and take more pride in our bodies and not do this. Easier said than done, right? I know.

When you get to the point of wanting to hurt yourself, stop and think about these few questions please:

1. Is what I am doing going to hurt and affect others? The answer is ALWAYS yes. What you do does and will hurt the people you love and the people who love you.

2. Is there anything else that I could do to deal with the pain? The answer is ALWAYS yes. You can beat up your pillow, scream, write, blast music or go for a run or walk. There is ALWAYS something else you can do. Hurting yourself is just EASY! It's an easy and fast release.

3. Does this really make me feel better? Not in the moment but later. Do you feel okay looking at those scars, others looking at those scars? Does it hurt when you shower? Of course! It burns like a mother effer. You may think that it makes everything better but look at this. You're asking if it's wrong so you know that there is something wrong with it.

FOR THE REST OF YOU... DID YOU KNOW?

Cutting releases endorphins into the brain. Those happy cells. Yes, it does. It's highly addictive and one of the hardest addictions to break. It's like eating chocolate. The only difference is that cutting can put you into an even deeper depression and can leave long-lasting damage. (Though if you think about it, so can too much chocolate: Gaining weight)

I hope that this was helpful. If you need anything you can always talk to me.

**Little** · 11-27-2009 08:58 PM

Somewhere between drafts of that post I lost the "cry for help" part. But YES you are still vying for attention - for someone to open up the folder you have those pictures in on your computer, for someone you know to stumble across WH and say - wow - my friend needs help. You're not looking for someone to think you're "cool." You're not looking to impress anyone. You're looking for the attention of that ONE person in the whole world who can convince you to stop. The one person who will make YOU want to stop.
Endorphins can be released by doing other things ... exercising, sharing with your girlfriends, etc. There are always other ways.
It's funny, after I posted on this thread I broke a glass in the kitchen and a shard of it fell on my thigh, making a shallow cut that bled. I felt ashamed and discouraged. I felt like I had to cover up. Cutting changes your perception of hurts. It'll soon be two years since the last time I cut, and it probably hasn't crossed my mind as a serious consideration since.
But for the rest of my life, I will be a cutter. Why? It is an addiction. It is like drinking for an alcoholic ... I am a cutter in remission. When I am put into a situation where I cannot handle the stress, perhaps it would be better that I cut rather than rip my hair out or beat my head into the wall. But it's still not preferable.
Molant, do you want to stop cutting? Are you searching for validation? Do you want an alternative?
What are you hoping to get out of this post?

**Texinator** · 11-27-2009 09:33 PM

How does the cutting start though? The very first session? Does the first cut come as an accident, maybe a simple scratch, and then there is a feeling this is somehow good? Or does it begin as a conscious effort to 'punish' yourself?