Depression,Highs,lows,erratic behavior,violent temper

**Rick** · 01-03-2010 02:27 PM

My 57yr. old girlfriend exhibits signs of depression , the highs and lows, erratic behavior, explosive temper, and days of black hole depression.

I have been with this lady for a year and a half , her distrust for anyone and her past failed marriages and relationships, I believe has left her with this horrible problem, her temper is very bad and the fact that she is not willing to continue on medication forces me to believe she doesn't want to correct her problem.

She sabotages relationships and finds excuses to end them when she gets so far, as though to quit when the finish line is inches away. The slightest little thing can set her off and she becomes very volatile and when she drinks alcohol , that makes it worse .

I have been very loving and caring to this lady and would do anything for her , she cries and states she will die alone because she cannot have a normal relationship. I have told her I will be there with her til the end , and she pushes me away , breaks up with me all the time , for nothing, then calls me on the phone like nothing is wrong.

Last year her family had her get some depression medicine , (lexpro) and she did not take it because she did not like the feeling. She admitted to me in the past she had a psychosis, and told me that she was no good for me , that I needed to move on and find someone else to love , I told her I loved her unconditionally and I wanted to make a life for her and I together forever and I would help her in anyway I could.

I see her as often as possible and I help her with her home and vehicles, take her to dinner and buy her clothes and shoes, and other items .

I cannot get her to go to a counselor with me , as I have gone myself to find out what is wrong , but they tell me it is her and they cannot help her if she will not come with me.

I have never been a quitter and I'm not about to start now, but I would like to have some advise from someone who has experienced this type of behavior in their life. I'm 55 yrs. old and divorced no children .:confused:

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-03-2010 02:55 PM

Rick, it is so common to fall in love with someone who hasn't really experienced love properly before, someone who is like a wounded bird and you want so much for them to see that it's real and can be real.

The problem is your councellor is correct. She sees this as a door she doesn't want to open because this time, her heart will break in a million pieces if it doesn't work, this time she had what she never had before, so she isn't willing to let that in, doesn't feel that she deserves it, and doesn't feel that it's real and will last and so, she sabotages it all.

In 7 years time, that may be different as she slowly becomes comfortable with it all but I doubt it.. At 56 years of age, all that has troubled her is im-bred in her mind and our mind is such a powerful thing.

I commend you for taking in this lady and trying to show her real love, true love and honesty. I commend you for putting up with the carp that has gone with it and in going to councelling yourself to try to work it out.

But, that's a lot of work isn't it? And, maybe alot of pain as well for you.

The only thing I can suggest at this point is, "her family" made her get a medication that she felt "wierd" on, and so ceased taking it. That means that her body can't handle the dosage and she needs to gently be persuaded of this and to go to the Doctors and ask for something with a lesser dosage to start her off to help her.

You can't "change" people, they have to "want" to change...

You've made it clear your there for the long run but it's not working and it should have by the 7th or 9th month in my opinion, that fear starting to subside but it hasn't.

Try the approach of "wrong medication" and nothing wrong with having less anxiety let's try for something on a lesser dosage, nothing to lose attitude without being forceful.

But, you can only live yourself like this Rick for so long...

Unfortunately, when entering a relationship with "baggage", it does remain there...

You may find that you will at some point have no choice but to accept she's a lost soul who doesn't want help, won't get help and find a lady who appreciates all that you are.

CW

**sperosi** · 01-07-2010 07:16 AM

i dont think you are going to like what I have to say, but it sounds very much like a roller-coaster relationship i had in the past.

the only thing you can do is to either hold on tight and enjoy the ride, or get off and out of it. if this is the way she is with you, it wont change.

**WildChild** · 01-07-2010 07:25 AM

What is the big attraction to this woman?
Violent temper
On meds
Lots of baggage
Erratic
Depressed
Explosive
Sabotoges Relationships
Melodramatic
breaks up with you over nothing
has been (?is) psychotic
Won't go to counseling
Won't take meds

Why are you in this? What do you get out of it?

**Rick** · 01-09-2010 07:27 PM

I see your point !

**Hopeless Dork** · 01-09-2010 11:26 PM

I think sometimes people have the tendency to view a broken person as a project they can fix. Like yourself, they refuse to give up, they aren't quitters, and so will thrust themselves into pain and misery and later realize that the whole relationship is about making the other person better... and thats the only thing holding them there.

If you really do care about her, you might need to step back , for her sake as much as your own. If you tell her that you do love her and will stick by her side but she must at least see a doctor or counselor... she will be pushed in the right direction. She's got to understand that you are there for the long haul but only if she is at least making an attempt to help herself as well.

Right now, supporting her while she is refusing to do anything to help herself get better is just reinforcing her behavior and you can either sit there and hold her hand and watch her as she self-destructs or you can tell her that you can't stand to see her go through this without professional help.

**eleni** · 02-06-2010 04:07 PM

you cant fix her.
its taken me nearly eight years of being with my boyfriend to realise
that nobody can fix anyone else.
you can love them and love them
but it just aint gonna happen
until they decide to try and help fix themselves.

im sorry but you need to try and step back
be there if she's going to help herself
but you cant do it for her.

also there are many many different medications out there
if she's willing to get help
there'll be one that works with side effects she can bear.

good luck x