Thread: How do you say goodbye??

Risch,

some men (and women) just cant show affection well. they have the feelings inside them, but have a very hard time expressing them properly.

i guess i would have to ask next if this is a change in his behavior towards you, or if he has been like (or kinda like) this all along?

as far as saying goodbye, if thats what you really want to do, just say what you have been writing here. tell him how you feel, how it hurts, and that if he doesnt want to fix it for real, then you have to move on.

I do believe he is one of those people who does not have the capability of showing emotion. But even if that is the case, I do feel there is a difference between not showing emotion and telling me that he doesn't love me, and that I am the biggest mistake of his life.
But even with that, I was still willing to stay. Just in case, i was wrong and he did love me, but being incapable of showing it, just couldn't say it either...
I left because he rejected my kids from my previous marriage. He couldn't (and still can't) stand to see them. His rage towards them is palpable when they are in the same room. They would talk to him, and he wouldn't even acknowledge their presence, let alone talk to them or touch them.
His rejection of them, however, spilled over to me. He was furious with me for having them. Furious with my ex-husband for not taking care of them (he does pay maintenance and they have visits). He blamed me that they are in his life and will permanently be because of the son we have together. And he rejected me in the end because I couldn't give him what he wanted: a family of his own...
I recognised that I am one of those dependent people. I need a man's approval and recognition, else I am nothing. That's why I go into a panic when a relationship ends and why I settle for less. What I want to know: how do you lose that fear and insecurity?

I hear you Risch, hi, and BTW i lived in South Africa as a child and have some understanding of the culture and people ... you mention your fear and insecurity, and this is normal, i hear that you fear your children being rejected and not that you fear being alone, but in a sense, not feeling wanted by an adult male. like others have mentioned, what you need to do, is feel your fear and let it happen, cos what will the worst be that can happen, well very little really. we say we will be driven mad thro our fears, and yes we can get in states, but we are also very strong - women i mean, i believe in lots of ways a lot stronger than men, after all, look at all that you alone have accomplished. you say you have been married twice, and this is going to undermine you for a while, and even if it should take years before your confidence levels return, dont fear that they will not return. as you accomplish, then each step is a new you, a new direction, a link to where you are going. and in lots of ways i would have preferred myself to have had my children away from a man and his influence. as i got on well with my children, and i think the relationship with the man tends to sour the waters to a degree, where we are constantly looking for their approval, instead of saying, you know what, i can do this, on my own and i dont need you mate. dont get me wrong, there are good men and there are men who would never in a million years be independent enough to live on their own. they may rush to their mom, or their sister, or friend, anyone who was a female, rather than sort out their lives, their issues etc. but you have children, and you will be able to make choices and decisions that affect you, and them, and not have to consider if it is going to result in upheaval for a man.....so i think see this as another direction in your life, and see it as a blessing, and good wishes, for an eventful journey !!!! relish rather than worry pet !