Repressed memory

**seren** · 03-06-2010 11:51 PM

Hello,
I am a new member and it has taken me a long time to post as this is very difficult for me. I am a 58yo female and have positive proof about being sexually abused from the ages of 5-8. As I don't want to trigger anyone I won't go into details, but, for all the proof, I have no memory of this. Other inappropriate incidents by this person I can remdember, but not this. My first real memory that I can recall about anything is at age 11. The perpertrator of this left a suicide note and acknowledged the abuse.
I have had much therapy over the years, but no psychiatrist will use EMDA as they fear my reaction. It is very difficult to accept when I have no memory of this, even though I show all signs of sexual abuse.
I am wondering if there is anyone in this forum who can identify with this as I am unable to talk to friends and family. Please, I don't wish to trigger anyone, but could use some legitimate help with this as dreams etc plague my life.

"Count the rainbows not the clouds"

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-07-2010 12:50 AM

Hi seren, welcome to the Forum.

I think we sub-consciously block things we don't want to know about especially at that age.

What do you mean they won't use EMDA?

Hypnotherapy? To release it?

It's important to know, acknowlege, understand, know it's not your fault, let go. Are there other things happening in your life which makes them think if you remember, then you will be devistated? Suicidal maybe?

I'm so sorry that your going through this at 58, I am 46.. I found something out this year that I had no memory of either, it shocked me, I cried, I still can't remember, but it all makes sense, a bond of sorts that should never have been a bond, for me it doesn't bother me, for me, it's, I saw 50% of what I was told and let that go along time ago and like you I can't tell family what I was told but like you I can't remember it either.

Maybe your phycologist is correct, whilst now I know, it's pfttt to me, because I don't remember and I was able to tell this person that and therefore, it's not relevant to who I am today.

Please feel free to express, talk, we don't know you.. Maybe that "trigger" may help someone else..

CW

**seren** · 03-07-2010 02:57 PM

Dear Chandlers List,
Sincere thanks for your reply. EMDR is a form of dealing with with PTSD,and is a specialized form of memory recall, where the person remembers the entire event (smells, people; voices;pain etc), but in a very safe environment, allowing the memory to lessen in effect over a period of time. It isn't used for repressed memory as the psych has no idea what the true memory is and is fearful of reaction.
Once again, thank you so much as this has been very difficult for me
Seren

**seren** · 03-07-2010 03:07 PM

[QUOTE=seren;170323]

Originally Posted by seren

Dear Chandlers List,
Sincere thanks for your reply. EMDR is a form of dealing with with PTSD,and is a specialized form of memory recall, where the person remembers the entire event (smells, people; voices;pain etc), but in a very safe environment, allowing the memory to lessen in effect over a period of time. It isn't used for repressed memory as the psych has no idea what the true memory is and is fearful of reaction.
Once again, thank you so much as this has been very difficult for me
Seren[/Count the rainbows not the clouds]

APOLOGIES FOR THE NAME FAUX PAX - NERVES

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-07-2010 03:07 PM

Thank you for your explanation.

I see your a fellow Aussie as well

That's such a long time ago, it obviously ate at this person to leave a suicide note and I assume that's how you found that part out, for what he wrote.

I'm sorry that the other things that have occured that you do remember, hasn't left you, maybe forgiveness? The fact that it bothered him to the extent of doing what he did? Maybe if you just mentally acknowledge and forgive, you may be able to move forward now?

I think it would be too much of a shock, to all of a sudden smell, feel, re-live it when your mind has blocked it all these years, so again, I kind of agree.

Why not write a letter, go and stand on a hill, burn it to the wind and say I forgive you?

I am convinced those sorts of things help, little things that have hurt me in my life, that's the way I've dealt with them and it truly has made me who I am today, a very strong woman.

CW

**seren** · 03-13-2010 10:55 PM

Thank you so much for caring . Apologies also for the number of the same posts - I became confused. CW I agree with what you have suggested and I have forgiven him in my heart as he was a very ill man, however, it seems unbelievable to me that I have no memory of those years, when others are so certain and have medical proof as well as his confession in his suicide note.I have memories of other very disturbing occurrences.
Repressed memory is a very debated concept and the main view is that they are false memories either planted by hypnotherapists or made up by those seeking financial compesation. I have never met, but would sincerely be so appreciative, if I could, someone who is in my situation. I have seeked support from specialists and professionals in this area, but they have difficulty in understanding where the memory has gone.
Take care

"count the rainbows not the clouds"