How do you deal with the death of a child?

**RDDS** · 03-19-2010 07:09 PM

I was married for 16 years. My son was 8 at the time of the accident. He was hit by a car and died a few days later after the accident. I blame my ex husband for his death because he was there when it happened, I was at work. No matter how hard my ex husband tried to make me feel better, I was still blaming him. He finally gave up and file for divorce. Thinking back I am not sure if he was to be blame for. I was alone for a while after the divorce. I am in a relationship but I am affraid to commit. I am still thinking about that day. I tried to get help, but I was not keeping my appoiments. I hid from the world for a long time. Now I want to talk about it, maybe it might help.
Does anyone lost a child? How did you deal with it?

**WildChild** · 03-19-2010 08:34 PM

I simply cannot imagine how difficult this would be. I've known a few people who dealt with it but only with a greal deal of change in their life. My heart goes out to you.

**eleni** · 03-20-2010 07:28 PM

i lost my sister in similar circumstances
so i watched my parents go through this

i am so so sorry.

my advice is to talk to EVERYONE
talk to your friends, your family, your partner, a therapist whoever
but keep talking.

i always thought that the grief was like a scar
like you cut yourself and it bleeds and bleeds and you think it will never stop
and the pain is so raw that you think it wont ever end
but eventually it heals
and forms a scar
and while the skin will never be the same as it was before
its okay, its different but it still works.

it takes a long time but eventually it hurts less
and you can remember all the good things and none of the bad.

why do you blame your husband?
i assume that he loved your son as much as you did
and that he did everything you would have done if you had been there.
sometimes an accident is just an accident
its taken me years to accept that.

again im sorry
but keep talking.

x

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-21-2010 02:12 AM

My heart broke reading that....

In your heart your healing, you believe...

Something like this is so painful, so very painful, you always need someone to blame.

We are so grateful you came here and we will support you.

Please keep telling us your feelings. Sometimes a place like this is actually the beginning....

Your in our thoughts.

CW

**5thelement** · 04-12-2010 10:03 AM

I did not loose a child, but I did loose my Father to a coronary 2006 the day before Thanksgiving and then on May 22, 2007 my Husband took his life. My Mother and I became widows within 7 months. We were both devastated.
The wounds are deep and take long to heal.....but you will heal over time. I knew my Father had heart problems and it was a matter of time. My Husband was no surprise either, but that does not make their loss any easier.
Healing is a process and we all have different ways to heal. I choose to live healthy, excercise, meditate and do yoga. I surround myslef with supportive friends that listen, hug, and give solitude. Long walks on the beach are a luxury for me and I do it often. Try doing positive things that make you happy. If you love doing artistic things try that also. All of the above advice is also the best advice. If you need me I am here and I understand what you may be feeling. My heart goes out to you! If I can help in anyway, please don't hesitate to contact me.

**classic<3** · 04-23-2010 02:47 AM

My mother lost her second child about 17 years ago, and she did much the same thing. I was only 2 at the time, so I don't really remember any of it. She blamed herself for it, and even though it's irrational, I sometimes blame myself as well (my mother's pregnancy with me was very difficult, and caused some scarring in her uterus).

Placing blame on someone, even someone who seems to be faultless, in the even of death--especially that of your child--is a completely normal, if not necessarily healthy reaction. When you lose a loved one, finding somewhere to put the blame is just one way of coping with the event.

I can't imagine the pain that you're going through right now, as I've never had a child, but I have lost a loved one before, and I know that it is extremely difficult to recover.

But seeing your doctor--I'm assuming it's a psychiatrist--could be very beneficial. Psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists can't make the pain go away, but they can teach you better ways to cope and make the healing process much easier on you. Try doing things to keep you distracted, things that you enjoy--whether it be reading a book, exercising, or visiting an old friend or relative. Just do your best to keep your spirits up.

I sincerely have best wishes for you, and please, continue talking. Sometimes, that's enough to make you feel a tiny bit better, just knowing that someone out there is listening.