normal?

**miss j** · 03-26-2010 03:53 AM

well im a freshman in college and sice i started i noticed im not my normal self. well before that my mom n stepdad divorced and i had to start helping with the bills. me n mymom payin wasnt enough n we started gettin notices.. then i started skool n stopped working. From the beginning i got A LOT of work n just starting it was hard to keep up. then in december my fiance broke up with me. Im pretty sure i got depressed and still am. i find that i cant pay attention in class anymore no matter how hard i try, i never understand anything, like i cant grasp what im being taught anymore because it just wont stay in my head. im failing classes and i just dont want to do skool anymore because of that.My mom tells me that she still cant keep up with the bills so i help with the financial aid money i get bak, ther r other things but itll b too much if i say the rest. i also suffer from frequent migranes as i mentioned in another thread. i also get frequent panic attacks or anxiety, not sure which ones. But sometimes i seem to randomly get them but its mostly just my chest getting so tight that it hurts to breathe. last night i had another coincidental run in with my ex and i got horrible panic attacks each time i would get shaky all over,my palms would sweat,my heart was beating faster than i thot it could n i felt nauseous and i couldnt sleep. which didnt help because i have insomnia too. my mind justraces about everything when i try to go to sleep,n other times im sleepy but just cant sleep. seems like as soon as i left for college everything went wrong with me n its driving me crazy. im tired of always feeling sad and crying, sometimes at random times,n feeling lonely even wen im with my friends, im tired of these headaches n my body hurts all the time n i feel so tired and exhausted all the time. i just want my old self back that didnt have any of these things. i dont have insurance or money for a doctor right now. i just dont kno what to do anymore. Sorry this was so long.. guess i got carried away. well any suggestions on any of this will b helpful thanx

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-26-2010 04:22 PM

Hi missj.

That's a lot of responsibilities for one person, to take on.

The problem I think, is the "need to assist your Mother with bills".

From that, you can't sleep, you worry, you get anxcious as she is constantly reminding you of "her" problems financially, and as your doing your best, you don't even have money to see a Doctor to help you.

It's a vicious cycle.

The no sleeping is creating a problem with you concentrating at school, and I'm sorry that all of this resulted in you losing your relationship with your Fiance.

What does your Mother do for a living? How much does she contribute and can she actively look for a better job or more work, cleaning for instance?

I take it also your the only child?

First of all, take a very big deep breathe as your not alone okay... You also need "someone" to talk to so do it here, we are here for you.

Secondly, combat your sleeping pattern, your a strong person inside, and whilst things can really get you down to the point where you feel that there is no return, it's not true, we can do amazing things if we put our mind to it.

Understand that you are doing the best that you can. You are helping the best that you can, but, your schooling is important for YOU, so that you can succeed in life and not follow the path of not having money yourself as you get older.

So, you need to find a way to tell yourself "it's okay", I am doing the best I can, and I WILL succeed at school... That's my focus.

When you feel anxious, take a deep breathe and slowly breathe it out, and repeat until you feel a sense of calm.

When it's time for bed, don't watch TV, drink coffee/tea or soft drinks. Close your eyes and visualise a happy place, somewhere you would love to be, see yourself there and walk amongst the things that you like to be surrounded by and focus only on that, take everything out of your mind... If you drift back to worry, go back and see yourself again in that happy place until you finally fall asleep...

If you learn to train your mind to shut off you will sleep better, therefore, you will be able to focus on school better and remember, this is your life too and you deserve the best you can make of it...

Your Mum has to find a way herself, with a little help from you. If you can, tell her how you feel and how it's affecting you as well and ask her to try, for you, to be happier and less stressed over it and to help find a way to solve this problem because your not coping.

CW

**brianna** · 03-29-2010 09:19 PM

Hi, I'm a freshman in college too and I'm going through a similar thing even though your situation sounds even tougher than mine

When I'm feeling panicky about things I just take a slow, deep breath (I know it sounds silly but it really helps). I think if you realize you're having a panic attack/anxiety that's the first step to overcoming it. Then you just have to tell yourself you will be okay and you will get through this. Just believe it!

I have trouble sleeping too so I always make up stories in my head to get my mind off my problems. Maybe you could try that?

Just be sure not to isolate yourself from other people even though you might feel like it...sometimes you just have to push through difficult situations and keep looking forward. Does your school have a doctor/counselor you could talk to about all this? Hang in there! You'll be okay, it just might take time.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-31-2010 04:44 PM

bump...................

**eleni** · 04-02-2010 01:20 PM

that sounds unbelievably stressful.

okay it sounds to me that you can either work and help your mum
or do school
but not both.

why is it your responsibility to help your mum?
i mean, i get it, but you are trying to find your own way in the world and its not fair for her to expect you to contribute while you're trying to study.
are you living at home? or are you in halls/dorms/whatever the college living arrangements are called where you are?
if you're not at home its not fair for you to be trying to support her.
im assuming that you're in america for some reason
but what help is available to people on low incomes?
could she be suitable for that? cos in the uk theres like income support etc and i guess there must be something similar where you are.

are you on meds for your migraines? my nan gets awful migraines and i completely sympathise they're dreadful things to have.
what help is there in the way of college councellors where you are?
my councellor at uni was AMAZING to me
and sometimes it helps to talk to somebody in a position to actively help you
i assume that the service is free since its part of school.

it sounds like you have a lot of other stuff to deal with before you even get to the stress of starting in further education.

i want to say stay in college
but sometimes, for whatever reason
its not the right time in your life for you to be there
and thats okay.
what would happen if you gave up college?
i mean honestly?
could you get a job and insurance and things like that?
is that something that would work for you?
or would you end up back at your mums paying for everything and just kind of stagnating?
giving up college for the sake of your health is one thing
but doing it just to get a nothingy job to live from bill to bill is not a good plan.

also i dont know what the system is where you are but can you drop out officially and then go back? if you make a good case for why you need to leave? take a year or two out and then pick it up again later?
or go back as whatever the equivalent of a mature student is where you are?
if you can leave and there not be permanent ramifications to your education then i would think seriously about doing that.

what subject are you doing? is that maybe the problem? could you change? or is there an option to do it part time? so you could work at the same time?

sorry im so useless but im not sure where you are and what systems are in place to help.

take care of yourself okay? and let us know what you decide to do yeah? x