manic
so i think im on the upswing again.
i have manic depression
recently like for the last couple of months i've been horribly depressed
despite the medication
theres been all sorts of horrible stuff going on with my best friend who i live with
so i've basically had to move out
which in practice means that im living with my boyfriend and my parents and sort of flitting between the two.
this means that technically im no fixed abode
which is pretty bad because i cant get psychiatric help at either address.
im temporarily registered with the GP here
but they cant change my meds without psychiatrist approval
which is i think becoming more of a problem
i currently havent slept for nearly two days
i've been mainly existing on coffee, cigarettes and mandarins for the last four or five days.
i feel...happy
and productive
and like myself
i've spent all my money
nearly two hundred pounds on random rubbish from the internet that i thought i desperately needed and then decided i hated
so i have piles of boxes all around me with pretty and useless things in them.
this is bad. i know this is how it starts
i also know that most likely in a few days a week at most i will be at the completely nonsensical delusional stage and will most likely end up in hospital.
the thing is that unlike previous episodes
i am taking my meds
as instructed
religiously.
im taking 600mg of seroquel
and only twenty of paroxetine
this should not be happening on that amount of antipsychotics.
half of me wants to take this as far as i can
i want to feel ALIVE
the other half of me remembers what happened last time i had an episode
and i so badly dont want that to happen again.
the worst worst thing is that i dont have much choice in the matter
the GP cannot do anything, cant prescribe me any new meds, more/different antipsychotics, get me a psychiatrist anything that would actually help.
they want to
they really want to but they cant.
which pretty much means that i have wait until it escalates to a point where they are able to section me in this area.
i dont want that
i so badly dont want that
i did a lot of damage to myself, my friends and my relationships last time i got in this state. my mother was so horrified and scared and worried
and i dont want to put her through this again.
i nearly died.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! sorry, theres nothing anyone can do
i just needed to get it out
if anyone does have any amazing solutions
i would love to hear them.
i love the nhs but right now its not able to help me in the way i need to be helped.
ugh.
I'm sending you a HUGE hug
I don't have a solution, other than write positive things on paper and have them around both houses to read, over and over...
I'm proud of you for being religious with your medication... maybe it needs a bit more time to really kick in?
Try not to worry about going from place to place, you have a home, your Mums, and you have a boyfriend that you stay over with
Take care sweety..
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
thankyou sweets.
i've been on these meds now for a couple of years
its the combination thats always worked for me.
i've flirted with lithium but it didnt work that well
and its more of a long term medication
i need something fairly immediate because i cycle really rapidly
and the considered opinion was that it would take too long to kick in properly during which time i'd still have to be on the same dose of seroquel.
i've run through all the antidepressants
been injected with various hideous things when properly manic.
thankyou so much for replying x
'so why care for these petty obsessions? your designer heart still beats with common blood. and what if you could have genetic perfection? would you change who you are if you could?'
IDK..
Talking always helps any problem I reckon
So, we're here, you know that... use us, well you know what I mean
Have a great easter sweet.....
There's got to be a solution that makes life easier for you... Never give up....
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
heya
i just thought i'd update a bit.
my boyfriend cottoned on to what was happening
and took me to the out of hours gp
who re-issued my prescription for antipsychotics
after talking with the crisis people
because as he so rightly pointed out - they should have been making me mega sleepy
and they just weren't.
so they've got those ones and were talking about sending them off to check that that batch was okay.
and i've been given a new packet
and a lot of diazepam/valium
and *fingers crossed* it seems to be working out
i love my boyfriend.
thankyou so much for your support
it really means a lot to me x
'so why care for these petty obsessions? your designer heart still beats with common blood. and what if you could have genetic perfection? would you change who you are if you could?'
Well, your boyfriend is worth bottling
It's nice to know that someone cares enough to help and solve a problem.
Who would have thought it might be the batch? If you don't ask you don't know.
You've got an amazing man there sweet...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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