How can I stop from silencing myself?

**holetoledo** · 06-04-2010 06:52 PM

I don't know why, but lately I haven't been very confident with my own thoughts and words. I'm so afraid of speaking out or lending my opinions that my mind has become accustomed to just shutting down when I'm asked a question that involves these things. It goes completely blank and it's as though I become mute. It's even hard to force myself to talk, and when I do, I reveal things in fragments that often get misconstrued by people because obviously they're not in my head and can't fit these puzzle pieces together, thus finding out what I really want to say.

My boyfriend suggests that I keep a journal and whenever I come across a thought that I seemingly can't approach, write it down and try to figure out in depth the meaning it has for me; he even gave me a notebook. But it seems that I'm afraid to even do that, because I don't know if that thought is right or wrong, and I don't want to be wrong.

I'd rather be silent than wrong. I don't know what to do about this mindset that I have.

**DragonsFox** · 06-28-2010 09:24 PM

In a nutshell:

I feel the same way sometimes and I think it stems from everyone being so critical of everyone else. People are very quick to judge others and point out their wrong doings however when someone does something that's right, they might say good job then move on.

On the other hand, those people who are critical of others are just critical about themselves so they take their own insecurities out on others. No one is ever right all the time no matter how much they want to be.

The first step to overcoming this would be to identify where your anxiety stems from. Perhaps someone showed you severe criticism in the past? Also, search inside you for your endless self confidence.

This way you won't be affected by other people's reactions if they disagree with you. A psychologist can help you to work on such things if you would consider it. Even though I've taken a bunch of psych classes, therapy was invaluable to me for gaining confidence in myself. Best of luck to you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-01-2010 04:24 AM

I think your boyfriends idea is good. How can you lose writing it and looking and seeing?

You've definately got a confidence issue, so why is that? Why do you feel that your point of view is not worth listening to, that's your fear, that if you speak you may be wrong.

Before your boyfriend, and how long has that been? What happened before?

CW

**holetoledo** · 07-03-2010 06:22 AM

I was seeing someone before who kept calling me a failure... He thought that my limitations should be where his were and obviously he was a crazy perfectionist and his limitations seemed to be much higher than mine were. Seeing someone for six months and experiencing that attitude from a person that I saw for long periods of time is difficult to shake off and I see now that it's carrying into other relationships. It seems I really do believe it if I act this way, but I don't want to. I don't want to be stuck in this mindset, and I don't know where to start to break out of it.

That was in 2007... I hadn't had a stable relationship until 2009 when I met my current boyfriend... We're almost a year now and I feel like this has been a big accomplishment for me because I have faced a lot of my fears during this relationship. I still feel so far from where I should be, though, individually...

**holetoledo** · 07-03-2010 06:30 AM

My ex said I was fat and unfit and recommended exercises for me (I was 110 lbs, which is within normal limits for my height, 5'0"). I guess my self-esteem was so low that I pushed myself too far and I got really sick. He left me when I dislocated my knee cap because he felt that I should be okay to exercise after spending weeks in the hospital and I don't know why I believed him (that's when he called me a failure). It's like he made up all of my confidence, but gladly that isn't the way it is now. I can find confidence from myself now even though my current boyfriend gives me some because he allows me to express myself physically, not like my last boyfriend. It seems that the boyfriend I have now is very open sexually and we compliment each other sexually and that is where my confidence comes from now, this intimate relationship in bed. He is also really supportive of me in his own way.