How can I help my Wife? Depression/ Anxiety Attacks

**Chad117** · 06-18-2010 07:05 AM

My wife suffers from depression and anxiety attacks. I am in Iraq right now and the separation has been very hard on her. I will be home in July for 2 weeks, any ideas on what I could do to help her with her pain? Then I have to come back over here till November, I need to do something to help. I have got her time with a psychiatrist every other week, but she just started that so it's too early to tell any results. I am a man and as you all know men like to try and fix things. Please help me to help her. If all I can do is be supportive, I will continue to do that, but is their anything else I can do to help? My wife is a GREAT woman and she loves me like no bodies business, but when the depression and anxiety hit, she is not herself. I hate to admit it, but I get so frustrated at her and she senses it and I am sure it make her condition worse. I love her, but I don't know what else I can do from 7000 miles away. Any ideas will be appreciated. Thank you all!

**pretzel** · 06-18-2010 08:18 AM

Chad, it's not an easy situation. One of my best friends was in country for close to a year and no matter how old (he was mid 40's 2 mid teen kids) you are, it's tough.

The sessions with the psychiatrist will only help so much. Chances are he may put her on meds. If a suggestion can be made try not to have her put on any SSRI anti-depressants. My wife was on Paxil for a number of years and the side effects are almost as bad as the treatment.

That said, she'll need a support network just as she would need it while you on duty. If you could suggest and she's willing then have her try to find a group of service member's spouses who also are having to deal with depression and anxiety issues. There may be something from your home base that she could possibly get involved in.

**LanaBear** · 06-18-2010 09:42 AM

As Pretz suggested, she really needs a support network while you are away on duty. A support group for military spouses, where others are going through and familiar with the same situation would be a plus.

Does she have close family or friends that you can get in touch with? Let them know that you are concerned and worried, so that they can keep in more regular contact with her and check on her well being.

**Chad117** · 06-19-2010 11:00 PM

We moved her back home while I am gone, just for the family support but it just doesn't seem to be working. Thanks for the comments and i will keep trying.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-22-2010 04:42 AM

Can you get her to do things that will occupy her mind but for you? Sounds silly but like knitting a jumper to send to you, to go and take photos of her day and email them to you daily?

She's missing you because as you said, she loves you to the end of the earth and she's walking around in a space, not knowing what to do with herself. She's obviously not an independent person and family she has had around her all her life, so she needs something else to keep her occupied...

CW

**Chad117** · 06-24-2010 11:37 PM

I will be home in 26 days for R&R and I am hoping we can work out something for her to do. She has joined a gym and we got her a personal trainer, but that's only a few days a week and only for a few hours , but ever little bit helps. She also got her a part-time job to help keep her busy, but it is I think causing her more undue stress then it is worth. She used to love photography and I offered to buy her a nice digital camera but she said it was too expensive and said we couldn't afford it. Her mood has got a little better in the last few days though, so I'm hoping we can ride that in till I get home again and can hold her close and cover her in kisses.