Anyone else feel like this?

**sexylexy** · 06-26-2010 01:11 PM

I am always worrying about what other people think of me. I am in my 40's now. I feel like I can't even wear makeup around my parents -I currently live with them due to a divorce- When I go out at night, I wear plain clothes when I leave the house and then when I get in my car I change into my sexy clothes! I feel likke I have to hide everything that I do. I don't even like talking to my kids around them- dont want them to hear what I am saying- around the house I always wear pajamas and no makeup, and never wear the clothes I really want to wear. If I wore something sexy my parents would get weird looks on their faces- My father would have a mean, serious, almost laughing embarrassed look and my mother would also have a weird face.

I always feel like I am waiting for something and then when that time comes I will do what I want to do- when I have more money, when I get a better job, when I get a new husband (doubt that will ever happen)

I am not sociable and have always felt different- I feel like everyone else is "normal" and not me! I am extremely quiet and shy but at times have been promiscuous and don't even care, and can get wild. When I am at home I scream and yell and feel tremendous rage and anger- that I have taken out on my kids, feel like I have no control over my kids anymore- my parents take over- and I can't stand it! I am quiet like a mouse at work and seem real innocent, but I can get crazy if I get together with the few friends that I have- drinking, dancing on stage with bands, and non protected sex with people I hardly know. ONe minute I can be reading a house on the prairie book with my knitting needles and the next minute I am dancing like a stripper to Nickleback- something in your mouth".

I also feel extreme pain, anger with my past marriage and what my ex did to me. He gets away with everything, and i can't stand it when people get what they want! I feel torn in different directions all the time. I hate my parents and secretly wish they would die. I feel like as long as they are around I will never be happy and feel free. I just want a house again, to be able to make my kids dinner, have a dog, finish school and get a better paying job, to be able to relax in a quiet house with my own rules.
Do I sound really messed up?

**ItsASecret** · 06-26-2010 01:24 PM

I am thinking you need have some issues that need to be resolved only with the professional help from a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-27-2010 02:21 AM

sexylexy,

I am concerned over the poll... "hiring a hit man to hurt ex-husband", or killing yourself, should not even be in your thoughts. That is someone whom is in real pain.

This Forum is a supportive Forum, so if you feel like starting a Thread to talk about what is really hurting you the most, how to deal with that, please, do..so.

Your personality is one of two... that being, that you may have two sides, one with love and one with anger, so maybe a split personality... So please seek professional help. It's important.

I am going to close this thread, due to your poll questions... And I am going to seek Administrations discussion over those thought patterns.

Again, let us remind you that we are here as well to support you....

CW