to take the meds or not? the eternal question. *Sigh*

**eleni** · 07-12-2010 08:40 PM

sorry to post.

im toying with the idea of going off my meds.

i KNOW its not a good plan, i know it'll all go down hill pretty quickly if i do
i just...im so frustrated with my life and how im feeling
i dont have a psychiatrist at the moment, i've got an appointment on the 20th
but by the time my notes get here it'll probably be september.
i love the nhs but it moves sloooooowly.
so theres no possibility of getting them changed any time soon.

im getting all the old feelings back...

it starts with the usual 'are these actually necessary?'
and quickly moves to 'i was so much happier without them'

im kind of...in two minds.
i want to sort my life out and get better
but i also want the wild swings, that amazing feeling of being truly myself.

its so stupid.
part of me wants to be a reasonable adult, a useful or at least not actively dangerous member of society
and the other part of me is like
no. things were so much more exciting before
and okay there were biiiig fiascos along the way but i had a life and a job
and now i just feel so helpless
its like i've gone completely off track
and i have no way of getting back with things as they stand.

i have no place in the world at the moment.

sorry, this isnt really going anywhere.
i was hoping that by writing it out i'd work it out in my head a bit better

**Mes T** · 07-12-2010 09:06 PM

What meds are these, you mean for depression? Sorry I'm not in tune with your other posts on the matter...!

Ever read the ever-popular "Eat, Pray, Love?" While parts of the book annoyed me, overall I found it really insightful - basically the journey of a woman struggling through depression as well as with the decision to go on and off meds. If you haven't read that, I'd recommend it, as it's quite an uplifting book.

Anyway if this is in fact depression that we're talking about (I feel a little clueless), then have you ever discovered the reason for it? What specific thing(s) in your life has caused it? Meds, after all, are designed to treat the symptoms, not the cause.

**eleni** · 07-12-2010 09:15 PM

for bipolar disorder.
antipsychotics, antidepressants, tranquilizers...*sigh*

sorry, i should have been a bit clearer.

thankyou for the book recommendation - i love reading, i might have a jaunt to the library tomorrow.

thankyou sweets x

**KMonte85** · 07-13-2010 07:38 AM

Well, in all honesty I don't have much experience with bipolar disorder, as I only know one person who has ever been diagnosed and she doesn't tell me much. All I can say is that she had a very troubled youth, and she has since been diagnosed and found the right medications to help her. She's now happily married, with three beautiful little girls and one on the way and she said she has never been so completely content with herself and her life.

My only thought in your situation, is that you obviously STARTED taking medications for a reason correct?... ask yourself WHY you decided to go on them in the first place, what sparked you to take action to control your bipolar disorder. If you think about where you came from, it may help to realize that you're in a better place now than you were before you started the treatment. You say you were happier without them, but were you really? If you were truly happy then, I doubt you would have sought out treatment in the first place... it is easy to become discontent with where you are now, if you never look back at the progress you've made and how far you've come. Just my 2cents

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