SO insecure about my breasts!

**Silly Girl** · 09-01-2010 03:44 PM

I have smallish breasts, a B cup. When I was a teen I didn't think they were small, but then as I grew up people made comments about them being small, and considering a D cup is like twice as large, and that some women are even F cups, then yes, my B cups ARE comparatively small...ish.

I had always been a little insecure about them. You know just those passing thoughts "Oh, bummer, it'd be nice to be able to show some cleavage sometimes, like in that cute bikini and make some jaws drop!". But that was it. I kind of liked their shape anyway. And the little experience I had had with this guy... well, he had told me they were very pretty!

Then I met my ex. He's been my only boyfriend and only sex partner. I lost my virginity to him. In the beginning, everything was ok. As he started feeling more comfortable with me, he started commenting on how this or that celeb/porn star were hot. To the point sometimes we'd be watching TV and he'd let a "..." slip out when they were showing some Fergie video, and also once we were at a music store and he picked up some singer's CD and showed me her photo and went like "How can you NOT think she's hot?".

I just thought he was immature. But then I started questioning myself. The negativity seed had already been planted in my brain. I asked him if he thought they were hotter and he answered "They have to be, they're celebrities, it's their job!" (I personally don't agree with this. Some actors are hot, but in no way have I ever thought of an actor as hotter than a love interest of mine, then again I'm a woman). I asked him if it had to do with their boobs, he said "Slim girls with big boobs are every guy's physical ideal, it's not my fault, it's about fertility". He also complained once when I lost weight that my boobs had become smaller (I didn't even notice) and asked me what I could do to restore them. I said nothing could be done, he suggested implants if "things got worse". He said he would've paid, what a gent!

When he realized my insecurity had become an obsession and was out of control, he tried to mend it by pointing out how he likes my hips better or how hes more of a butt guy. But the damage had been done.

Now we broke up (for different reasons). Yet everytime I see a busty girl showing off cleavage, I feel so jealous and immediately think of him and how he (and every other guy) would be more attracted to her than to me. I hate watching TV or movies for this same reason: every hot girl (especially topless hot girls) in movies is always *at least* a C cup. And the countless jokes about small breasts being lesser than, and big is better and whatever! Even in shows for chicks, like Desperate Housewives.

I also read these articles (and the comments... god the comments!

) which only made things worse. This is a psychology site, so you'd think the info they have is well, accurate.

*Removed outbound links*

I honestly don't know how to love my body again. How to accept my boobs as just sacks of fat. I don't feel sexy because of them. It seems like guys tend to salivate more and be more sexually attracted to D cups than small ones. There are billions of gorgeous women with small breasts, but they're often just considered cute or beautiful by men, never hot. I want to be hot. I want a guy to see my breasts and instantly become aroused. I'm newly single and I don't think I'll ever feel confident again with a guy in bed, or be able to enjoy my breasts because well, they're too small! And especially because I have really wide hips, they look way smaller! I have like half an hourglass figure, I have wide hips, small waist and small breasts... I honestly don't know what to do, I swear I feel so inferior in a bikini and all that. I know I must have other features, but it seems in this society, breasts are the most important female characteristic. Even more so than the butt or legs. I mean, I guess my best feature is my hips/waist combo, but that doesn't er... cause erections. It's not sexual. It's something you see everyday, something that is not censored in TV, like breasts are.

I don't know what to do. It's killing me! Plus guys always say they hate implants, so I'm basically stuck with this. Plus implants are scary!!!

**dr.mansview** · 09-01-2010 10:23 PM

this topic has been brought up many times on this site..and the general consensus among the men here is that breast size rarely matters to them..large breasts do not cause instant erections in men..it's the person standing behind the breasts that cause the erections, regardless of size..your overall looks and personality is what real men are looking for

**Silly Girl** · 09-02-2010 11:00 AM

I disagree. For starters, my ex told me all guy like big breasts better. They may like small, or they may not mind them, but they like big a thousand times better.

And the "person behind it" thing is not true. I mean, men go to strip bars, and they don't even get to know the person behind the breasts they're ogling, and they get erections all the same. And I have often heard that strippers who get implants usually double their tips.

Likewise, in the articles that I had posted (the links were removed), it said that studies had been conducted and men usually give better tips to busty waitresses at restaurants, and that men tend to pick up hitch hikers based on breast size, too. A study was conducted in which a woman was made to hitch hike and wear different "breast sizes" (they padded her bra or something. When she was an A cup, a certain number of male drivers stopped. When she was a B cup, more male drivers stopped. When she was a C cup, the most male drivers stopped. Breast size had no influence as to how many female drivers stopped to give her a ride. What does that tell you?

So I think men are only being PC when they say size doesn't matter or that they like small breasts better. If that were the case, you'd see a lot more small chested women in men's magazines and what not. I know to some it may seem like a vain topic or whatever, but it affects me a lot.

I mean, he has been the only man to see me naked. It is difficult to get naked with a person for the first time. And later on he criticizes my breasts? What do you think that makes me feel? Do you think I'll ever feel confident enough to get naked with another men, who, more than likely, prefers a D cup over a small B cup?

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-02-2010 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by Silly Girl

I disagree. For starters, my ex told me all guy like big breasts better. They may like small, or they may not mind them, but they like big a thousand times better.

Well for starters, last I checked... your Ex wasn't the ambassador for every humanoid with a penis. He may prefer what ever he likes... but he doesn't and cannot speak for all men. I have DD breasts that are round, perky... (albeit fake) and they don't make me the apple of all mens eyes, believe me. I get many more compliments on my stomach than I do my breasts and I've heard plenty of men say that they don't find large breasts (fake or natural) attractive, a lot of men like toned athletic physiques and don't care for bulky boobs.

**ItsASecret** · 09-02-2010 12:01 PM

If you want to play with statistics then yes guys seem to like larger breasts. Take 100 random men off the street to poll and you very likely achieve an over 50% "yes" to larger breasts. That makes it the majority even if it is a 51% average. And if you want to get real nit picky with that you can say larger breasts encompasses every size as long as it is larger than the previous. An A cup can be beat out by a B simply by the definition of 'larger breasts', because a B is larger than an A. So a guy may not necessarily care about F size, and still agree that he likes larger breasts. Problem is guys may not want to admit their actual likes for fear of hurting a woman's feelings and that is entirely understandable. They want to be the 'good guy' and not the shallow guy. On the other hand that leaves lets say 49% of random men who simply do not put much emphasis into breast size....and that is quite a large number when you think about it. I agree that many men do not like fake breasts but there are also many that do. The media has messed with everything and is an acknowledged problem to a woman's self esteem which is never going to go away.

**Hopeless Dork** · 09-02-2010 12:13 PM

Yeah... men don't know what they want lol. To hear them talk... fake breasts are icky, look at their porn collection... and almost every woman is altered. They want it all they want your breasts to be perfect looking and perfectly natural feeling... and that comination is rare in nature... especially over 25.

I didn't get breast implants because I wanted to be bigger... I got them because of losing so much weight, having a kid, and turning 30 left them in a granny-like state... i could have chosen to love me for me... but I work so hard on my body and its better than its been in my whole life and to have 90 year old boobs attached it to it... was damaging for me.

**Silly Girl** · 09-02-2010 12:46 PM

Yeah, I agree, guys say the dislike fake breasts (some even use the word hate, because they think they're gross or whatever), but they get off to that, who gets them...

**Texinator** · 09-02-2010 03:34 PM

Every man, including myself, has a preference, but it is a significant preference only for the shallow among us. I can honestly say that I'd make decisions based on breast size only if I had to choose between two women who were identical in every single way but breast size.

There is absolutely no relationship between the size of a woman's breasts and her value as a person. So breast size does matter to many men but it shouldn't matter. If someone who doesn't take an interest in you now would take an interest in you if your breasts were larger, I don't think they're worth you're time.

**Silly Girl** · 09-02-2010 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by Tex

Every man, including myself, has a preference, but it is a significant preference only for the shallow among us. I can honestly say that I'd make decisions based on breast size only if I had to choose between two women who were identical in every single way but breast size.

There is absolutely no relationship between the size of a woman's breasts and her value as a person. So breast size does matter to many men but it shouldn't matter. If someone who doesn't take an interest in you now would take an interest in you if your breasts were larger, I don't think they're worth you're time.

But what happens if a guy likes me for other reasons but he secretly prefers big boobs? Like my ex. Although it wasn't such a secret. Let me tell you, even though I knew he loved me for other reasons, and that he thought I had an acceptable body, it still hurt a bit that he preferred something I was not. Even though he was OK with how I am. But that's how it felt, like he was just OK with it, not thrilled. Like sex was good for him, but it could have been great with that extra visual/tactile stimulation which I couldn't provide. I couldn't even give him a *edit* even though he tried, and the look of disappointment in his face after that just was stuck in my head.

I always wondered if it would've been easier for me to turn him on if I had had bigger breasts, if it would've been more of a turn on to see me in a bikini. If the bouncing would've made him enjoy sex more.

I mean, I wonder how any man would feel if a woman told him "Honey, yes I prefer a 9 in penis, but your 6 inches are ok and acceptable. I love you for other reasons, but I can't help it if I like big penises better. Don't be so vain and quit nagging about it".

It's an intimate part, a sexual part, which we offer to a partner to give them pleasure. Even if they don't think it's a big deal, or they make it sound like it's not a big deal, it is extremely hurtful as their partner to offer that part of you, thinking it will give them ultimate pleasure, knowing they think it could be better. Like you're not enough. Like you'll never be enough.

Sadly, I have NEVER met a man who prefers small breasts. Never have I encountered a guy who says "Yes, an A cup looks way better than a D cup". I doubt I'll find such a man. And to me, it is a big deal. I want to be with a man who thinks of me as the ideal of beauty, who wouldn't change a thing about me, and who thinks my breasts (which are the only body part men adore which can't be changed through exercise) are perfect and better than some D cups.

I don't want a guy to "not mind" my breasts. I want a guy who thinks they're better than a porn star's or better than Scarlet Johanson's or whoever. Someone who gets turned on by them BECAUSE they're small, not DESPITE them being small.

To make things worse I was watching a rerun of Real Housewives of New Jersey, where one of them wants to get breast implants. She wanted small B cup implants, but her husband insisted she gets a C cup. What's wrong with a B cup? In the end, she said she was glad she listened to her husband and got a C cup. What an idiot.

**Mes T** · 09-02-2010 03:51 PM

I have small breasts (B cup if not smaller) and have NEVER had a guy complain. In fact every guy who's had the privilege, has taken full advantage and been openly very excited and happy.

That's boys for you, my dear.

Look it's the same with women. Lots of us might fantasize about someone who looks a certain way, but all that goes out the window once we meet someone who we click with.

Okay? Most people really, REALLY aren't that shallow.

Oh and by the way I HAVE met men who honestly prefer smaller breasts.

Look if your ex made you feel low about your body then he was an idiot not worthy of your time.

I like a head of thick longish hair, but my boyfriend is going bald. I NEVER look at him and think "GEE, I wish you had nice thick hair." See, this is what happens in normal relationships. It'll happen for you, just be patient and confident and don't go for any losers.