Not sure how to cope with the stress

**Arrily** · 09-02-2010 10:27 PM

I started college a few weeks ago. Full-time, but it's community college, so I'm still at home with my mom and step-dad. I enjoy my classes and I manage them pretty well. College was a big step for me. I started a year late and for a long time it seemed like it wasn't going to happen.

But over the past week a huge fight broke out with me and my dad, who lives in another state. At 11 my parents divorced and split up myself and my siblings. We were always back and forth. For four years I lived with my dad and as time went by we eventually couldn't stand one another anymore and I left. Now all the things I was mad at him about have suddenly come out and, like my oldest brother before me, my dad has in a sense disowned me. It's always been simpler to him to either punish or ignore the problem instead of addressing it.

It may not bother him, but the stress is affecting me and the sudden change in my life with college is making things worse.

A month ago I also tried to quit smoking. I did okay for awhile, but I'm back in the habit, though I still don't smoke nearly as much as before. The guilt of not being able to quit is taking its toll now.

There's also the problem of me needing a car among other things and it's all starting to overwhelm me.

I've started getting headaches that last throughout the day no matter how much Tylenol I take. The headaches are accompanied by nausea and body aches, along with loss of appetite.

I think my physical symptoms may be a mixture of stress and a cold and/or flu that's been going around the college. The last thing I need is to get sick.

I'm hoping someone who has dealt with stress before (as I'm sure everyone has) may have some tips to help me cope better.

Thanks in advance,
Arrily

**WildChild** · 09-03-2010 12:05 AM

Don't try to take on too much at once. College should be your main focus. You aren't even in the same state with your father and you are old enough to be in college, you can cross him off your list for now. In many places your school ID doubles as a bus pass - check on that?

When you are ready to quit smoking, you will. It's an admirable goal and well worth doing but why not save that for when there is less going on? Just work on cutting back for now?

Consider adding a yoga class to your day at least a couple times a week. Try to find an instructor who incorporates relaxation techniques. The conscious breathing is very calming and should help you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-05-2010 12:41 AM

Take a deep breathe... You are now in college, you no longer live with your Dad, rather your Mum and step-dad, no matter what he wants to dish out, it's finally (FINALLY) your life.

Life is about choices, and you've made some good ones, college and giving up smoking and not accepting the stress of your Dad, problem is, is that you are seeing everything as a negative instead of a positive...

You don't have to see your Dad daily and put up with the pain...

You have quit smoking but because your looking at the negatives, you feel that you still need to smoke but the positive in that is that look at how many you smoke now compared to before, you should be pating yourself on the back, it's a great step you've taken....

Write some positives down and really see them because when you feel positive, you can't see the negatives, you can turn them into positives and in that, you won't be half as stressed as you are.. trust me, it works...

Every time you ever feel negative, down... Look at that "thing" and see the positive in it, as I have to what you wrote....

CW

**Xxsammi28xX** · 09-17-2010 05:26 PM

I think you'll be fine. I've dealt with stress and anxiety since I was 7. I've lived through what you have and I understand how you feel exactly. Just calm your thoughts and think of things that make you happy. Or if it's really bad, I suggest you maybe would wanna see a therapist a few times. The first time I went, I felt 110% better right after that. No one deserves to feel the way we do, so don't ignore it, and get help or find a quiet place to relax and make some alone time for yourself.

**lonestar** · 09-20-2010 08:33 AM

If you are open to medications, Wellbutrin is a good one to start out with. It helps with anxiety and it is actually prescribed to smokers to help them quit.
As far as your relationship with you father, I agree with the others on here- you are in college. You are your own person now. Now, you get to be more independent. Mom and Dad no longer have any control over your choices unless you want them to. I'm not saying don't listen to them, but if your relationship with them is destructive you need a little distance.
Your dad will come around. Granted, there are things I don't know about your situation, but it sounds like he is being a little silly. That being said, I went most of my childhood and adolescence without speaking or having a relationship with my father; we didn't become close until my early 20's (and I'm 22). These things happen in time.
Wildchild is right. Yoga is a good and healthy way to deal with stress. AND it works! You even look forward to it. You will always feel awesome afterwards; more refreshed. You can usually find inexpensive classes. Or if you have netflix (and/or the live streaming), there are great yoga tapes on there too.
I would recommend talking to your doctor about Wellbutrin. I will say the first month is a little trying, but if you can get through it, it might do you a world of good. Stay away from Adderall and things of that sort, it will only make your anxiety and stress worse!
Message me if you need. I know things can be rough- right there with ya when it comes to school and stuff...