Can I make myself stop?

**Raina** · 09-08-2010 07:25 PM

I hope I posted this in the proper section, if not then I hope the Mods would be kind enough to throw me in the right spot.

I find myself to be extremely emotional, even about the little things that I shouldn't break down into tears over. If I get into an argument with my fiance over something, BOOM, here comes the tears and I hate it so much because I don't WANT to be crying because then he'll give me the 'grow up and stop crying, you're a grown woman' kind of mumbo jumbo. Or if I was upset about something and cried over it before we went to a family members house and they ask me whats wrong, even though I've dried up my tears and stopped heaving and crying in general , as soon as they ask me whats wrong the water turns come right back and I have to leave the room. Then I get nagged at by family members (mother in law in particular) that I make a scene everywhere I go each time I've gone somewhere! Shes acts as though I make these scenes on purpose but I didn't want to sit there and cry infront of people, I felt as though it was proper to leave the room and seclude myself temporarily or atleast until I can clear up the crying and heaving again.

For Example: We have a roommate, my fiances friend, living with us. At first I was fine with this, until I saw habits that I didn't like in the least. He doesn't shower on a regular basis and for the 3 to 4 months hes been here hes not brushed his teeth (I know this because he left his toothbrush in his car along with his toothpaste.) He doesn't clean up after himself, hes over 25 and younger than 30. He also has a poor attitude about everything. He bought groceries here last week and it wasn't much, lemme tell you that. Poptarts were one of the items he bought, it was a pretty big box. So I assumed they were for everyone! Until this morning....I asked my fiance, "Can you bring me a glass of milk and a pack of poptarts?" and he asked his friend if I could have a pack. Here I was sitting thinking they were for all of us. For groceries, he bought a big box of poptarts, eggs, milk, bread, 3 boxes of Hotpockets (also for him to eat at work), a container of peanut butter, pancake mix, sugar, syrup, smackers peanut butter and jelly, cereal, rice, and several large bottles of tea (for his work.) My fiance, is possibly, diabetic so I wasn't going to mess with the cereal because he couldn't have poptarts all that often. (And to think all of this stress I'm in now is over stupid poptarts)

ANYWAY, his friend replies with, "I guess, but their for my work." and I thought, 'ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" He bought Poptarts, Hotpockets and Tea to take to work. So my morning breakfast choices were pancakes or eggs. I just woke up and I wasn't happy in hearing that kind of reply so I just said outloud, "I don't really care if they are, I would get a pack anyway." so neither one of them found that to be nice. Did I forget to mention that he doesn't care for hygene and can't seem to clean up after himself unless asked? Has a poor attitude about everything and seems to always have something to say to someone else when they've said something? Kind of like a know-it-all.

So me and my fiance got into it later about it, over poptarts...pffft. He ended up calling me the other term for female dogs and that did it. Here came the tears. I couldn't handle a few little curse words. I managed to dry it up, even though I felt like street trash after the 'discussion'. We went to eat dinner at his grandparents and his Grandpa noticed my puffy eyes and asked what was wrong, and that broke the wall holding the tears back. I shook my head a bit and had to walk out of the room. I went to the bathroom because I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach and needed to seclude myself ASAP. My fiance mother, I HEARD her say these from the spot I was sitting in the bathroom, started talking to my fiance after he tried to make me feel better once. She said, "Shes being rude and she makes a scene everywhere she goes. This happens every time I see her," which is a bold faced lie. It may happen on a good occasion but I do NOT enjoy someone exaggerating on something this sensitive just because shes able to hold back her emotions and I can't. I was not thrilled in hearing her talk about me like that over something that SHE KNOWS I cannot control what-so-ever. Its as though she expects there to be no drama at all around her or her parents house just because its how the world rotates or something and in their her eyes, everything needs to be perfectly flawless or else.

My fiance finally coaxed me out of the bathroom to go sit outside with him, he never did apologize for the hurtful junk he said to me earlier but he did offer a hug and I some loving words out of him. I told him, "I just don't want you to hate me over something like this, I contorl my crying and breakdowns just as well as you control your cursing when you're angry." which is very poorly might I add. He replied with a, "I'll love you no matter what," and a few other things I don't recall. We talked, I told him what was bothering me. How he talked to me, the fact that I thought I was pregnant, (which always occurs when I'm late even a single day on my period. I was having random headaches and a sick feeling in my stomach for the past 2 days and my breasts seem to be more sensitive than usual) his friend being a disgusting lazy jerk, (I don't care if he works a full-time job, my father does, my fiances step-dad does, my fiances brother does, and they ALL can clean up after themselves without having to be asked to do so on a regular basis), that I should only be cleaning up after myself and my fiance (I'm currently um-employeed so I'm the housewife, lol.) and that I felt unexpected by everyone, apart from my blood family.

So, after that long story which was probably tl;dr. I just want to know if theres a way to stop being so over emotional AND a way to become more assertive in confronting people face to face about a problem I have with them.

PS: Sorry it was so long.

I seem to type them super-long for some reason. Thanks for reading! <3

**ItsASecret** · 09-08-2010 07:40 PM

Have you considered talking to a psychologist or other therapist to try and find ways to manage your feelings? I have heard there are ways to focus your feelings on other things so that it does not end up being a huge emotional release without warning. Becoming more assertive can also be addressed by talking about the way you present yourself and ways to change that.

**Raina** · 09-08-2010 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

Have you considered talking to a psychologist or other therapist to try and find ways to manage your feelings? I have heard there are ways to focus your feelings on other things so that it does not end up being a huge emotional release without warning. Becoming more assertive can also be addressed by talking about the way you present yourself and ways to change that.

Makes me wonder how much a therapist would cost me, I bet it isn't cheap, but I'd consider it worth it if it would stop making me look like such a child infront of everyone, especially the mother-in-law.

**Mes T** · 09-08-2010 07:46 PM

Hey there! Are you on any medication perhaps, especially birth control? Birth control pills can do some straaaange things to some people's emotions, so something to keep in mind if you are taking it.

Were you always like this, as far back as you can remember? If not, I'm thinking another possibility is that your relationship with your fiance is unhealthy in some way. I say this because with an ex of mine, for a good couple of years I was SUPER emotional, cried about EVERYthing, and eventually I realized that no that's not ME, that's just the relationship that I'm in. Once I got out of that, I became much more stable. Does your fiance treat you well, are you happy with him, do you see yourself being happily with him 10 years from now?

Is there anything else in life you're unhappy about? To this day, a lot of "housewives" get diagnosed with depression and put on medication. They go in to the doctor's office, they come out with meds, end of story. But many of these women don't actually NEED any medication. What they NEED is to make changes in their life (like get a job, go to social events, etc) that can enable them to be happy. You make someone sit at home all day, of course he/she is going to get the blues.

Any of this sound familiar?

**ItsASecret** · 09-08-2010 07:53 PM

Makes me wonder how much a therapist would cost me, I bet it isn't cheap, but I'd consider it worth it if it would stop making me look like such a child infront of everyone, especially the mother-in-law.

They are not cheap but insurance often covers most visits. And you likely would not need countless visits unless the professional suggests a certain type of therapy method that takes awhile. And if you do not want to be prescribed anything then see a psychologist and not a psychiatrist. Psychologists are not medical doctors so they cannot give you prescriptions, however they are able to refer you to a psychiatrist if you choose to. Also avoid your GP doc because they are not going to want to spend time talking when they have other sick patients so they will quickly give you a prescription to calm you down- I know that is rediculous but that is how general medicine works. Way better to go to a therapist who's job is to listen to whatever your concerns may be.

**Raina** · 09-08-2010 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

Hey there! Are you on any medication perhaps, especially birth control? Birth control pills can do some straaaange things to some people's emotions, so something to keep in mind if you are taking it.

Were you always like this, as far back as you can remember? If not, I'm thinking another possibility is that your relationship with your fiance is unhealthy in some way. I say this because with an ex of mine, for a good couple of years I was SUPER emotional, cried about EVERYthing, and eventually I realized that no that's not ME, that's just the relationship that I'm in. Once I got out of that, I became much more stable. Does your fiance treat you well, are you happy with him, do you see yourself being happily with him 10 years from now?

Is there anything else in life you're unhappy about? To this day, a lot of "housewives" get diagnosed with depression and put on medication. They go in to the doctor's office, they come out with meds, end of story. But many of these women don't actually NEED any medication. What they NEED is to make changes in their life (like get a job, go to social events, etc) that can enable them to be happy. You make someone sit at home all day, of course he/she is going to get the blues.

Any of this sound familiar?

I 'think' I've been like this for a good majority of my life. For example, I'd swell up with tears in school when someone was threatening to kick my butt or something, or if I got into trouble (which wasn't often). I am happy with my relationship, but there are things I would like to change. He treats me well, I love and adore him, except for the bad side of him when he gets angry. Cursing left and right, get called this foul name and that foul name. I can indeed see myself with him in 10 years, hopefully some minor things improved. :3 I have a good majority of things I am unhappy about in my life. I am 21 and I do not own a drivers license. My mother never taught me how to drive and my father never had the time. I'm having troubles with a divorce I am desperately trying to get done so I can be married to the man that I truely love but the 'husband' in my life is being a little brat and doesn't want to lift a finger to help with it in any, way, shape or form. I have little insecurities, just a thing or two about my appearance but I don't think its anymore or less than any other woman out there.

**Raina** · 09-08-2010 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

They are not cheap but insurance often covers most visits. And you likely would not need countless visits unless the professional suggests a certain type of therapy method that takes awhile. And if you do not want to be prescribed anything then see a psychologist and not a psychiatrist. Psychologists are not medical doctors so they cannot give you prescriptions, however they are able to refer you to a psychiatrist if you choose to. Also avoid your GP doc because they are not going to want to spend time talking when they have other sick patients so they will quickly give you a prescription to calm you down- I know that is rediculous but that is how general medicine works. Way better to go to a therapist who's job is to listen to whatever your concerns may be.

Yea, I'd rather have someone who is more interested in clearing out my problem that I have instead of clearing out my purse/wallet.

**Mes T** · 09-08-2010 08:07 PM

Is it possibly just some independence that you need? You're only 21 and already on to husband number 2, you can't drive so I'm guessing you have to have a man take you places... Do you have friends outside of family and your fiance? Do you go out and do stuff completely on your own? What about your childhood, how was it compared to the "average" kid's?

Being overly taken care of by others, especially when you're an adult, can certainly make our emotions a bit heightened and uncontrollable. IF you do act a bit childish, perhaps it's a reflection of how you are treated and perceived by others, stemming from the life choices you yourself are making.

I dunno I just had this thought and ran with it....

**Raina** · 09-08-2010 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

Is it possibly just some independence that you need? You're only 21 and already on to husband number 2, you can't drive so I'm guessing you have to have a man take you places... Do you have friends outside of family and your fiance? Do you go out and do stuff completely on your own? What about your childhood, how was it compared to the "average" kid's?

Being overly taken care of by others, especially when you're an adult, can certainly make our emotions a bit heightened and uncontrollable. IF you do act a bit childish, perhaps it's a reflection of how you are treated and perceived by others, stemming from the life choices you yourself are making.

I dunno I just had this thought and ran with it....

Your thought makes sense though. My first marriage was a mistake, which was made clear to the man himself before and after, but he only seems to remember the after. I told him clearly, "I'm not saying yes because I'm ready, I'm saying yes because your family is constantly egging it on that I should do it for the benefits." so I ended up getting married on some sort of peer-pressure. I was the kind of kid that got picked on in school because I didn't do sports and I didn't stick out in class so I got targeted by the preps I suppose. That changed in highschool though because I started giving back an attitude when they thought their s*** didn't stink. I am, currently, reliant on alot of people for things, apart from doing things around the house. The only friend I have close enough to go out and do things are friends I made from family. Mostly my fiances sister-in-law's friends. Independence may very well be the answer to my problem.