stuck in a rut

**shanat81** · 11-19-2010 09:00 AM

Hello,
I have never written on a forum before, but recently decided to do everything i can to get myself out of my depressed state that I have been on for a year now (well- on and off)
I got married more than a year ago and moved to another country to live with my new husband.
I have been looking for a job, but very very passively- i wouldnt really call it looking to be honest. I managed to make 2 new friends, but i still feel lonely a lot. My state of being very depressed and not being able to actually act and do things affects my marriage as well as I get mad at my husband a lot, esp when he goes out for work or with friends- i get very mad at him.
I never used to be like this- which hurts even more. I used to go out, have a job, friends etc...
The problem is- i dont want to make friends, and I dont even like going anywhere without my husband. Which really isnt healthy as im stil young- 29.
I feel how I made myself be completely dependant on my husband and evem when my friends come to visit - my old friends- i always want my husband to come along. I dont know why. Its almost like he is my comfort blanket. I lost my individulity.
The fact that I sit at home and don do pretty much anything is driving me mad, yet i cant get myself to do anything to stop that. I have good education and masters degree in finance, but i feel like im letting it al to waste. I feel jelous when I see a woman in a suit, and feel very inferior. I feel like if i keep doing this- I ll lose my husband and will completely lose myself.
On the outside- I come from a good family, young, attractive and have a great husband with a good job who loves me and supports me, but inside- I am a big mess who pretends that Im fine, but people who know me- can see the sadness in my eyes. So i guess its sneaking through..
I also started drinking too much- im not an aloholic, but i just cant think of anything to do during the day- so drinking makes the day go by quicker. I am very angry with myself that i do this and that makes me even more depressed. Im afraid that this could also lead to dependency in the future if i keep it up ( of course its not every day- but i feel its too much)
I have great periods- when i feel happy, but havent been truely deeply happy for more than a year now.
The fact that i dont have a job or purpose- is driving me into a very dark hole and i cant seem to stop it.
If anyone knows what this is like- please write what helped you. I decided from tomorrow on- to have one month before christmas of being active and doing things i dont normally do- and try to build my confidence instead of sitting at home with closed curtains.. I might start a blog- to keep myself going.
thank you for your help.

**Seeker_Advice** · 11-19-2010 10:14 AM

When was the last time you saw your personal physician?

To me, everything I read that you typed says one of two things; Depression or perhaps bipolar (could be both).

A LOT of the things you wrote, I could have written, as I have battled depression (which by the way is a chemical imbalance in your brain that can come on at any time during your life) most of my adult life.

You may want to consider having a complete evaluation by somebody other than your personal physician, as your physician will probably prescribe a low dose anti-depressant (Cymbalta, Effexor, Paxil, etc.) right from the start, which you may need. Generally, specialists that deal with only these types of cases are better suited to determine what, if anything, you are suffering from...depression or bi-polar disorder.

Most anti-depressants take three to six weeks to start working, so you'll have to do something on your own until then at least. FORCE yourself to go where people are...the mall, especially the food court at lunch time. The local library or where ever. You must get out among people...even strangers.

ANYBODY who drinks to excess has a problem with alcohol. It's also called substance abuse...you ARE abusing a substance, plain and simple. Recognize it, own up to it and change it as ONLY YOU can.

Spend more time looking for a job....use the computer at your local library and not the one at home in the "cave". People that don't have jobs should make it a full time "job" looking for one.

You amy also consider doing some volunteer work of some sort. It will make you feel better about yourself while helping others and who knows where it will lead.

Stay in touch with this forum. There are people here who care about you and who have been where you are. Seek them out. Read their advice. Do some of the things they suggest.

**IvoryBones87** · 11-20-2010 12:38 AM

hi sweetie, i'm new here. but not new to online forums. i'll help if you have any trouble getting around.
i'm really tired, exhausted really, from depression and driving all day, so i haven't read all of your post but i will log on tomorrow and give a proper reply. i just wanted to let you know i have met alot of great people on online forums and without these distant online acquaintances, i would struggle with my depression and other issues a whole lot more.
hope you've had a good day hun.
♥

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-24-2010 04:14 AM

I think that your career minded... And, whilst you love your husband and support him, it's not friends, or anything that your missing other than your career but your denying that, why?

Why do you feel in a new country you can't achieve your goal?

Is it that your husband supports you and doesn't feel you need a job?

Is it that you were tired, and needed a break and have lost that way...

The answer to this is to work to find that job and not feel that it's not achievable....

CW