Thread: depressed and don't know why

I've been dealing with an eating disorder since 4th grade(now in college) and depression for the past 2 1/2 it's been pretty bad. I've taken pills and I feel that they helped but my mom made me stop them last summer because i was going to be leaving for college and because i would not go to councling. Well i don't know how to describe it other then I hate everything about myself,mostly the way i look and i don't know how to stop being negative. I can not find anything good in anything even on bright sunny days. I have a wonderful boyfriend that just wants me to be happy and it hurts him that now no matter what he does he can't help me and i don't knwo how to explain how i feel so that he understands how i feel. I'll I've wanted to do for the past week is stay in bed and read or cry. It sounds lame but the only time I'm happy is when I'm watching The O.C. It would seem the easy way to fix it would be to go to councling however i have an extreem fear of confrontation and i know that if i go they will make me feel bad about myself (why i stoped going) and then i will be evern more depressed. I also have a fear of expressing my feelings and losing control of something... even tho it doesnt seem like i have much control right now. I don't knwo what to do anymore and because of family reasons I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I would talk to Jay but he works all day and we only talk fro about 20mins and i dont want to load him up with my problems when he can't do anything.

I too have been struggling with bipolar disease since my senior year in high school. I now am in my late twenties. This recent episode of depression has lasted almost 10 months and almost everyday I wake up feeling horrible. Everyone feels safe in their comfort zones and for you that may be reading a book, sleeping, or watching a fantasy show like the O.C.. It's almost like you're escaping from the harsh negative feelings you are experiencing. I know that in a way you feel more comfortable accepting advice from a complete stranger who you don't see face to face like you would a counselor but sometimes we have to come out of our shell in order to help ourselves. It sounds like you are very close to your family but ultimately you know what goes on in your head and how you feel day to day and those including family and friends who have never been depressed or manic will ever truly know. You have to try to convince yourself that you are worth the effort when it comes to getting help. Consider this a baby step to getting well, now take another step by scheduling an appointment with a counselor-you may meet the one that's right for you- God Bless