dealing with death

**imagine0580** · 12-06-2010 04:28 AM

im not too sure if this is going to make sense to anyone but my ex boyfriend died sept 30th 2010, and i am finding it VERY hard to get over. (I have been with my current bf for a year now and am completely in love) but my ex (who was 23 and died of esophogus cancer) was an amazing person and we just were too mentally and emotionally different, we HAD to break up, we didnt want to. i feel like i am heart broken all over again with his death. I know this is unfair to my current boyfriend and i feel like im losing control of my emotions... i know i am only 23 and maybe its just because im not completely mature enough yet to process death easily but this is over the top. i have also lost 4 other very young friends in the past 3 years and im not too sure ive coped with those either, any advice?? i have been told to visit his grave but i really dont think i can, not so soon. =[

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-09-2010 04:12 AM

Welcome to the Forum imagine...

Sweetheart, you were on different paths, roads.. You know that as you are now finally completely in love...

When someone dies, you can feel guilty, he loved you but also realised it wasn't to be... You need to see that, and smile that you were part of each other's lives... Don't feel guilty that you weren't with him till the end, he wasn't your partner in life... What you two had together irrespective is a beautiful memory... He would be smiling down on you for being finally happy...

In addition, having friends die in addition to this, is alot to handle...

I think your emotions are all scattered, you are right, you need time to process it all, and your lucky that you have a man whom you love whom loves you.. Let him in more

Write a letter to your ex, telling him everything you would have told him, go to a cliff, beach, lake and read it out loud, then burn it and throw it to the Universe, .... he will hear you....

To me a grave is just a place for the body, the soul lives on and will hear you....

Maybe do the same with your friends but there have your man next to you....

It will be healing for you...... okay....

If you ever feel really down and depressed, please go seek help because we try to be tough in life but we aren't necessarily as tough as we believe we are and keeping things to ourselves makes things worse..

CW

**Maximus** · 12-09-2010 05:35 AM

Hello Imagine,

I agree with CW.
In order to help you go through this difficult time, I would to recommend to read the book by Sogyal Rinpoche: Tibetan book of Living and Dying.
I had the good fortune to attend one of his conferences during the Dalai Lama visit in Lausanne last year, and his understanding is very helpful.
He has dedicated his life to help people going through the type of challenges you are going through.

You may want to have a look.

Take care.
V.

**WildChild** · 12-09-2010 08:02 AM

Another author you might find interesting at this time is Dannion Brinkley.
What we think of as life is very limited. Our bodies are a shelter and home for our self while we are experiencing a lfe cycle but our bodies are not Us. If you have seen a dead body you should be able to understand this immediately. The body is there, it is real and familiar but they aren't there. The individual you knew and interacted with isn't living in it anymore. It hurts not to have them there in that familiar form that we can touch and see and interact with.

Are you familiar with basic science? Have you heard that energy cannot be created or destroyed but only transformed? Well life or spirit is energy. It does not just spring into existance with the birth of a body, nor does it just vanish when it leaves the body. We are spirit, our true self is spirit, energy. We are part of a vast larger energy or spirit which some call god or goddess. We are both part of it and yet are a distinct self.

We are here to learn and grow and develop, not just by our self but in concert with others. Your freinds, your ex, have not ceased to exist but they no longer inhabit the body you knew them in. You miss the type of connection you had. But if you search within yourself, you will find that the connection is still there, we are all connected, related not just with other humans but to all life both earthly and in spirit. I know this may not help you immediately but if you can understand this you will find it a great comfort through your life time. Death changes your interaction but it is not an ending. They have moved on, you are still having your life experience- you may have many.

What did you learn with him? How did you grow? What of that can you share with others and enrich your life and theirs? This is his legacy in your life and in that manner he is still with you, how can you use it positively?

In time, I promise you will feel less pain over the loss and will cherish the good memories you have.

**ItsASecret** · 12-09-2010 09:18 AM

Are you familiar with basic science? Have you heard that energy cannot be created or destroyed but only transformed? Well life or spirit is energy. It does not just spring into existance with the birth of a body, nor does it just vanish when it leaves the body. We are spirit, our true self is spirit, energy. We are part of a vast larger energy or spirit which some call god or goddess. We are both part of it and yet are a distinct self.

Just poking in here because this caught my attention, the conservation of energy law does not actually apply to spirituality. When they say energy cannot be created nor destroyed it can only be transferred into another state it means chemical and mechanical energy (bonding, light, heat, kinetic ex) not spiritual healing energy or things of the sort. It is all empirical so quite literally when the body dies it has no energy as no system is in effect, being alive is merely a set of reactions defined by science itself. Believing that life goes on by morphing the inner self into a new spiritual energy is a totally different way of thinking and is separate to scientific thought.

**WildChild** · 12-09-2010 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

Just poking in here because this caught my attention, the conservation of energy law does not actually apply to spirituality. When they say energy cannot be created nor destroyed it can only be transferred into another state it means chemical and mechanical energy (bonding, light, heat, kinetic ex) not spiritual healing energy or things of the sort. It is all empirical so quite literally when the body dies it has no energy as no system is in effect, being alive is merely a set of reactions defined by science itself. Believing that life goes on by morphing the inner self into a new spiritual energy is a totally different way of thinking and is separate to scientific thought.

I am aware of that but it make an analogy that most people can easily follow.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-09-2010 01:56 PM

What's interesting is not the terms and way in which it works, but that each poster has stated the same thing, just in different ways, in a hope that the OP realises that they are all at peace and can hear her and that most people believe, and seeing as I see ghosts

I definately believe, that your body is just that, it's your spirit that lives on....

CW