Can't stop feeling guilty about assault...help?!?

**collegegirl2010** · 01-04-2011 08:30 AM

When I was 13, I was sexually assault. A guy fingered me vaginally. I didn't want it to happen, but was too scared to stop it. Though I didn't stop it I did throw hints, like pulling away when he tried to kiss me. I wanted to tell him to stop but froze up in fear. I still feel really guilty about this...Because people don't understand, I sometimes wished that it had've been worse then maybe they'll feel sympathy for me instead of blaming me even more than I blame myself. Sometimes I feel like I deserved to get rape or for worse to happen, maybe it wouldn't be my fault then, and I feel like I derserve to be in pain. What should I do to change these feeling I have? I need help. Why do I feel this way? Is it normal to feel like this?

**ItsASecret** · 01-04-2011 09:43 AM

Have you considered talking with a psychologist about the feelings of looking for more pain in order to end your own pain?

**IvoryBones87** · 01-04-2011 09:46 AM

hi sweetheart, i was assaulted as well. (a few months ago) i'm struggling alot right now dealing with the emotional pain and guilt. luckily, i see a therapist and he is helping me get past this. i felt and still feel the exact same way. i was too scared. i froze. for me, i was coerced into it...so i felt like i could have just said no first thing and then it wouldnt have gone as far as it did. i feel so guilty for not stopping him. he wasnt even pushing me into the room, but i felt so coerced, i still went with him even tho i could have just walked away.

Originally Posted by collegegirl2010

Sometimes I feel like I deserved to get rape or for worse to happen, maybe it wouldn't be my fault then, and I feel like I derserve to be in pain.

this ^ is exactly how i feel. and i am coping in very physically destructive ways/bad coping mechanisms trying to numb the pain or punish myself. please get help before your guilt consumes you. i can tell you are a nice, smart, beautiful girl. you deserve help. you're worth it lovely ♥

**collegegirl2010** · 01-04-2011 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by IvoryBones87

hi sweetheart, i was assaulted as well. (a few months ago) i'm struggling alot right now dealing with the emotional pain and guilt. luckily, i see a therapist and he is helping me get past this. i felt and still feel the exact same way. i was too scared. i froze. for me, i was coerced into it...so i felt like i could have just said no first thing and then it wouldnt have gone as far as it did. i feel so guilty for not stopping him. he wasnt even pushing me into the room, but i felt so coerced, i still went with him even tho i could have just walked away.

this ^ is exactly how i feel. and i am coping in very physically destructive ways/bad coping mechanisms trying to numb the pain or punish myself. please get help before your guilt consumes you. i can tell you are a nice, smart, beautiful girl. you deserve help. you're worth it lovely ♥

Thanks...And okay, I just don't know where to start. I usually find it easier to talk to a stranger than to the ones I'm close to because instead of acting like they know me because they've been around me my whole life they'll comfort me and understand better. But sometimes I feel I will be judged based on what happened or my story and I get scared to talk about it. I don't know what to do.

**collegegirl2010** · 01-04-2011 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

Have you considered talking with a psychologist about the feelings of looking for more pain in order to end your own pain?

I have thought about it, but sometimes I feel too scared to talk about it which is why I avoided doing counseling through the school.

**ItsASecret** · 01-04-2011 11:11 AM

I have thought about it, but sometimes I feel too scared to talk about it which is why I avoided doing counseling through the school.

The job of a therapist is to listen to you without judgement. They got into the line of work because of situations like what you are dealing with they will help you understand that there is nothing to be afraid of and there is no reason to be looking for more sympathy by wishing that things were worse off for you. They are there to help you.

**collegegirl2010** · 01-04-2011 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by ItsASecret

The job of a therapist is to listen to you without judgement. They got into the line of work because of situations like what you are dealing with they will help you understand that there is nothing to be afraid of and there is no reason to be looking for more sympathy by wishing that things were worse off for you. They are there to help you.

I know, I try not to be so scared but it's hard. I don't know what to do.

**lonn1e** · 01-20-2011 02:57 PM

I experienced something simular when i was younger, at the time i realy struggeld with it. But someone who i trusted helped me realy good and gave me some advice. Maybe you have some one who you could talk to or give you advice

**WildChild** · 01-20-2011 05:18 PM

I think talking with a couselor would be an excellent idea. The school should have this service available to students. A couple things to keep in mind 1) this is only as big a deal as you make it to yourself and 2) the person who did this is long gone, you need to let go and quit revictimizing yourself.

I was raped as a teen and know how difficult it can be to let go of but for your self you Must do it.

**collegegirl2010** · 01-24-2011 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

I think talking with a couselor would be an excellent idea. The school should have this service available to students. A couple things to keep in mind 1) this is only as big a deal as you make it to yourself and 2) the person who did this is long gone, you need to let go and quit revictimizing yourself.

I was raped as a teen and know how difficult it can be to let go of but for your self you Must do it.

your right and thanks...I try not to be a victim all the time, but sometimes find it hard.