not the most inoccent thoughts

**fedup_confused** · 01-06-2011 03:50 PM

I have been deeling with depression for 10 yrs now, been hopitalized 4 times for suicidal attempts.
I don't know what to do anymore, I am driving myself crazy. I feel like I'm living my life as a zombie... has this happened to you?
I have noone to talk to, (why do people say they care, but once you need them they arnt available?????)
People say Im not a nice person anymore, no that im mean, I just don't wanna go do anything. I cant even laugh with out crying afterwards.
I don't know why I'm posting this..... I don't need attention, I just wanted to vent a little..

Just fed up and confused..

**Texinator** · 01-06-2011 04:00 PM

You feel like a zombie because the depression is keeping you from truly being alive and living your life the way you want. It eats away at your spirit, so in a sense, depression is a cancer of the mind. It robs you of your willpower and creates a vicious cycle, where the more depressed you are the less you want to do, and the less you want to do the more depressed you become.

Have you been diagnosed with anything formally and are you receiving any treatment for your depression right now?

The thing is that every life is worth living. You just have to find a way to get out of the fog that influences the way you perceive life, to see things clearly again and for what they really are, and begin living a life that you enjoy. Yes, MUCH easier said that done. But one good way is to start going out more again and doing things. If you don't feel like it, tell a close friend to start dragging you around with them, take you shopping, attend social functions, and have you mingling with people more again.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-06-2011 04:10 PM

Well you have us to talk to

Tex's reply was good....

I would also suspect, your home alot.....Life is boring isn't it..... Take the first step, have a warm bath with candles, go and get your hair done....

Stare in that mirror at yourself and take yourself back 10 years who was she? She can come out again and be her....

What happened 10 years ago?

CW

**Seeker_Advice** · 01-07-2011 04:21 AM

Suicide 'attempts' are a call for help....
It's time that you did.....get help.
See a doctor....
Get properly diagnosed...
Get treatment...depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain and should not be left untreated.
Depression can be very isolating....resist these thoughts/urges to isolate yourself.
Make yourself go out and be among people...even if it's just sitting on a bench in a shopping mall watching strangers walk by.
Go for walks....they help.
Consider joining a fitness center....you'll get three benefits from it: Get in better shape, Exercise releases "happy" chemicals in the brain which makes us feel better and you'll be out among people who may become friends.

I've battles the depression 'monster' all of my adult life.

It's real and you need to deal with it before it robs you of anymore of your precious time on this earth.

**carmen_rose** · 01-07-2011 04:36 AM

as a mannic depressive, i understand 100%. you feeling as though your going through life numb, and nothing really seams clear.
the biggest step is doing something- go do something out of your comfort zone, you will discover new things about yourself.

its hard when you dont feel like smiling or interacting with others, however it is essential.

what i did was i did volenteer work at an HIV/AIDS safe house, the kids little faces warmed me instantly- and i felt as though i was not being judged for being 'moody' there. Their appreciation and warmth made me feel useful again.

Also, when you down try not listen to 'sad' music, surround yourself with things you love!

**fedup_confused** · 01-08-2011 09:06 PM

I was diagnosed with dysthimia, I don't trust counslers, because the last one I seen she told my mom everything. It hurt me bad.
I really don't want to blog what happened ten years ago, but my mom has been married 4 times and the 3rd one was around this time... I don't remember a lot of what happened but I still have nightmares, (simply I was molested and nothing was done about it everyone lied) I was taking antidepressants but I was gaining weight from them. I have been the person who always pushes people away when things get good. And the one who runs when things get bad.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-09-2011 12:11 AM

Why not view our Mental Health section, and our current posters that suffer from depression as well, see how they are dealing with it, and maybe be-friend a couple of them, then you have someone / some people on your level that you cant talk to and trust..

In addition, are you on any medication to help you now? Some anti-depressants do put weight on but not all, would you consider re talking to a Doctor about an adjusted medication?

I'm sorry for what happened 10 years ago, but you do have to start to talk to someone, even if you write here daily to start with how your feeling, what you've been doing?

It would be really good to know what you do day to day, so we can get to know you, and you us

What do you think?

Can't hurt can it...

CW