my girlfriend has pushed me away
Hi, never done this before but i wonder if i can get some advice?
I met my g/f 5 months ago after she had come out of a marrige and short relationship wiv a guy who cheated on her, ( she has had horrilbe 2 years) we have got on great from day one and before xmas had talked about holidays and the possibility of living together in the future, i love her very much and she has told me the same, saying before xmas that when the 2 of us were together wiv our seperate children that she felt so happy and loved and that for the first time in years she felt like a proper family, all of a sudden 3 days after xmas she told me that she felt empty inside and numb and thiks that the last 2 years have made her depressed and she needs some help, i gave her my full support and told her i would stick wiv her even thou she said she was not sure if she loved me enough, or if she wanted to stay together or not, after a few days of little contact me sending supportive txts she seemed to improve and once again told me she loved me, and that she would be a fool to push me away, now all of a sudden its happend again, she said that is unfair to put me through this and she should deal wiv it on her own......i love her and i dont know what to do....does this sound like deppression?
Any advice would be great i dont want to loose her, i beleve she is ill and want to help...she has got an assesment for counciling booked next week!
stu.
It sounds like a protective response. Having been cheated on and treated badly, she may be scared of really falling for you and getting badly hurt. This can be tough to fight as it is a protective response that she will have to deal with as she heals emotionally.
All I can suggest is time, talking, caring and consistancy from you, but she will have to make a conscious effort to open up to you. You haven't been together for very long and she will need time to really trust you.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Thanks for that we have split up as she said what she is doing to me is unfair, i have told her my door is open to her anytime and we both want to stay friends, we have a trip away planned in a few weeks, she told me after we split that she would still like to go as friends, i feel she needs some space to start to heal, so i said i would not contact her for a few days, she has said she would txt me and keep in touch, i know she is confused, so am i with what to do for the best.
I suspect her confusion may be that she really cares for you but finds something in herself that is resisting. This is a toughie. You have to balance what is right for you and giving her time, with your needs and not just getting caught in her drama. How much time do you give it? Only you can decide that.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Timing can be everything...
I agree with WC...Coming out of an abused relationship can have cause and effect...
You have to have been ready to walk, and be confident and strong within yourself when that day occured, therefore, ready to move on.
She's not...
You've shown her what her life can be like, but I suspect that she believes she belongs in the other life, her esteme being very low and she doesn't know how to handle this new life either.
Be her "best friend" for now, tell her that your not going anywhere, but your backing away from the relationship, you agree, it's not good for you...But, your going to be there as a friend to lean on, talk to and she needs councelling...
That's what she needs at the moment...She can't move on yet....
And, you need her to know that...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Thanks for your thoughts, we split on monday and i said i would not get in contact so she could have some space, she has been in touch every day and has said she does miss me, i will be there for her, but boy is it hard!
hi i know how ure gf is feeling, im just out a abusive relationship ive been wiv my new bf 5 months and im doing the same, i think he wants 2 dump me all the time i keep my guard up with him and dont want to let him to close in case he hurts me as im scared of being left alone again. all you have to do is be patient with ure gf if u really love her youll give her all the support and love she needs. im startin counselling nxt wk maybe suggest that 4 her. good luck hope evrything works out 4 ya xx
Thanks Laura, hope the councelling goes well for you, my gf has her first assesment on monday, its strange how she goes from loving me one week to not knowing what she wants, two weeks later, but i have been reading posts on depression and mood swings and it really helps me understand, christmas must have caused her some kind of breakdown (also the ex got in touch xmas day just to her off) she has said to me that she knows what she wants but somthing happens inside her and the barriers go up, i really wish i hadnt of asked her if she wanted to split up but i felt that it was not helping being together because she was pushing me away and knew she was hurting me.....i hope i did the right thing
stu
Stuart, he will play with the heart strings...Make her not move on...That's his intentions... Which makes her think "maybe? He is changing, he'll change?" She's living in hope hense why she pushed you aside...But, she is in two minds, she tried to move on, and she found something, you...but he is proventing this...
Anyway of ensuring he is no longer in the picture, whilst she continues councelling?
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
He! is back with one of his ex now! and after he forced her into an abortion last xmas, then cheated on her in the early part of this year. I met her about a month after they split online and then we went out for the first time in sept, we have had nothing but good times exept a monthly wobble, He has txt and phoned many times but it gets less all the time. she says she hates him even thou she did fall for him.
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