What do I do?

**sadgrl** · 01-31-2011 02:21 AM

So.. Around the end of November I lost my virginity to my best friend of two years. As far as the first time goes, at least from what I've heard, it was amazing. i've loved him so, so much for so long-I'd do anything for him. Anyway, I didn't have a whole lot of pain, and it was everything a woman could have hoped for. Until we talked a few days later. He told me that he didn't regret it, but that he felt bad and it shouldn't have happened, and it was bad of him. he though tit was right at the time, but later realized it wasn't. I don' tknow what thought would happen.. but I didn't expect that after having amazing sex with my best friend. He decided that we shouldn't talk about it anymore, and that he was sorry. He likes our friendship the way it is. I want him to stay my best friend, but things have obviously changed. I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't understand why exactly I'm so sad and can't shake it. Part of me thinks that I'm one of the few people he's had sex with that he actually loves (he's had a ridiculous amount of sexual partners; I just thought I was different for some reason) but the last time I brought up how hurt I was he just said that he thought we weren't going to talk about it anymore and that he just wanted us to stay best friends. The problem is that things aren't normal; I'm still way too sad, am randomlly crying, and I don't know how to deal with this. I've never cried this much in my life, ever, and I don't know what to do to make it better... I'm afraid to lose him; I know if he's a true friend it shouldn't matter if I bring it up, but then I'm scared... what if he isn't as good of a friend as I think.. I just don't want to cause my self even more pain than I already have. What do I do to make this better? How do I know if I'm too sad to deal with it on my own? Sorry for the ranting.. I just can't sleep & can't stop crying. And I'm tired of it, but there's no on/off switch for emotions. .

**Knebi Coxby** · 02-02-2011 09:50 PM

People make such a big deal out of sex. It was amazing, you say. Good. He probably liked it, too, but doesn't need to do it again. Since he has had prior experiences this one wasn't as life-changing for him. You say you "lost" your virginity, do you think he remembers his first time as losing anything? Men and women think differently. I wish I could have understood this when I was looking for the right man. I might have found him. I should have looked for the man who made me laugh and liked to cuddle, not the one I wanted to have sex with.

**jns** · 02-02-2011 10:30 PM

sadgrl, you fell for him hard and he didn't return the feelings. It will take time and possibly finding someone else for the feelings to fade. A couple months is not enough for many. Take up something new to take your mind off of him, a hobby or maybe a class. Had you fallen in love before?

**sadgrl** · 02-05-2011 02:35 AM

Knebi.. I don't see it as "loosing" anything I gave myself to him because I love him, it's just a figure of speech. My problem is that I love him and he doesn't love me in the same way. I don't know how to deal with that, and I don't know at what point I say enoug is enough and I need help. That's the advice I'm looking for. I've tried running, I've tried talking, and I have bawled almost every night for two months.
Thanks jns. No.. not like this.. I've been in love with this man for a while.. other people picked up on it before even I did. We've been best friends for a while and spent everynight talking and workin gon projects for four months. When I moved away he called me every night and we talked for around 3 hours every night for the first few months. .

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-05-2011 03:09 AM

I would say knebi you were personally hurt yourself and this is your defense because your post in all honesty was cold, we are a forum to provide help basically and so, if you need it post a thread, there is nothing abnormal about hormones, people joining as one but it doesn't end that way..

Sadgrl, you know, it's tough, hard choosing your first...You did good, someone you fell for, friends for 2 years, but ghaa we hope and dream and live in fantasy when we are young, we love like only we find again later in life and in that, we give in hope that it all turns out...

Also emotions, we have emotions, but it's different with boys, I'll call them that because even at 40 they are still boys

He found you attractive, he found a connection also as "friends" and he wanted you, he was wrong really because, he must have known you had feelings to...But, it's hard when a "boy" feels sexual to resist....kind of like the penis takes over..

I'm sorry, he's sorry but you know doesn't mean somewhere in the future things can be different, he probably at this point wants no relationships with anyone or can't get past seeing "friends"...

Something to work on..

This was the man you wanted to loose it to and you did...so you did what you wanted, always smile in that knowing

**BabyGirl** · 02-05-2011 07:28 AM

But, it's hard when a "boy" feels sexual to resist....kind of like the penis takes over..

I have often believed that the Great Spirit/ God designed man to only have enough blood supply to use One " head" at a time ...

**Knebi Coxby** · 02-06-2011 08:37 PM

I am not cold, but crying is only hurting sadgirl. Her friend is off having sex with the next girl. I'm not saying that's wrong either, just the facts as I see them from my experience. Acceptance of painful truths can only make her stronger. That was and is my only reason for answering the posts.

**sadgrl** · 02-10-2011 05:07 PM

CW thank you for your advice.
I'm doing a lot, LOT better now.. Actually feeling good now. And I'm finally not crying any more

I can deal now!
Knebi, crying is actually what helped me out. I just needed to be able to get it all out in some way because I couldn't get it out in any other way even with crying and what not so, between crying and running, I'm great now

Just needed a lot of time.
Thank you guys.

**Midnite** · 02-23-2011 12:36 AM

Sadgrl I'm so happy that you are feeling better! Remember that emotions are always valid and you had a lot going on. I thought I'd give some insight into boys...as CW said they will always be boys. Hardwired to not think as well as women about emotions and some have issues with talking about feelings. Boys mask fear by avoidance or anger, thus I would read he is just as afraid as you of losing you. Sex tends to change everything, and he apparently really does care about you (as crazy as this may sound) if he wants to just go back to friends. For guys...and ladies often too, its easier to be friends if you take sex out of the equation. Some are mature enough to be able to talk about it, process and incorporate the whole thing as part of history or the relationship....and some are not. He is where he is right? You sound like you might be farther ahead in the emotional and communication development then he is

I'm glad you did what you needed to do for you, stick to that and remember there is always support for you out there, and you loved yourself enough to seek it out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-23-2011 02:41 AM

knebi,

You have it going on, you realise the laughter, touching, is the start, not the sex but having said that, it's the personality, morals, were you to know? Was sadgirl to know?

I'ts a learning experience but none of you should feel bad you went in trusting.

Sadgirl

Glad that you are doing better.

Life is sincerely difficult to judge and more so when you are young, but like I said, it's all about learning and it teaches us and that is what is important as we go onto the next road, next journey..

Keep your chin up, smile and remember your a good person, actually both of you.

CW

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