Thread: What is wrong with me?

The problem is this. So many teens and young adults use suicide as a desperate ploy to get attention. And this makes it difficult to differentiate between people that are seriously deppressed and those who are not. And it is for this reason why I say to you: Use extreame caution when telling your family and friends about this. They may not understand. Or if they (like me) have ever encountered someone that used this for attention, they may not take you seriously. I don't tell you this to hurt your feelings, or to put your statement down in any way. So please don't take it that way.

In my life have encountered several people who (for lack of a better metophor) cried wolf, on this issue. And for that reason I tend to be skeptical. That's why I urge you to speak, not with your friends and family, but with a professional. Your friends and family may not understand and make the situation worse for you. Without meaning to. Their are several suicide hot lines and resources you can use, if you can't afford to see a professional. As they can be pricey.

And remember this, the only person you can let down right now, is yourself. At the end of the day ask yourself. Did I do the best I could?

I am willing to bet that you are a good person, and that you are doing your very best. And their is someone out their who is jealous of you thinking "why can't I be as sucessful as her" so please don't put yourself down. Take a little time to yourself. And remember, ending your life is never the answer. Because your not hurting yourself. Your hurting everyone else that loves you.

Originally Posted by BasketCase

The problem is this. So many teens and young adults use suicide as a desperate ploy to get attention. And this makes it difficult to differentiate between people that are seriously deppressed and those who are not. And it is for this reason why I say to you: Use extreame caution when telling your family and friends about this. They may not understand. Or if they (like me) have ever encountered someone that used this for attention, they may not take you seriously. I don't tell you this to hurt your feelings, or to put your statement down in any way. So please don't take it that way.

In my life have encountered several people who (for lack of a better metophor) cried wolf, on this issue. And for that reason I tend to be skeptical. That's why I urge you to speak, not with your friends and family, but with a professional. Your friends and family may not understand and make the situation worse for you. Without meaning to. Their are several suicide hot lines and resources you can use, if you can't afford to see a professional. As they can be pricey.

And remember this, the only person you can let down right now, is yourself. At the end of the day ask yourself. Did I do the best I could?

I am willing to bet that you are a good person, and that you are doing your very best. And their is someone out their who is jealous of you thinking "why can't I be as sucessful as her" so please don't put yourself down. Take a little time to yourself. And remember, ending your life is never the answer. Because your not hurting yourself. Your hurting everyone else that loves you.

You are right. They will never understand. My mom yelled at me and was like why isn't ur SAT scores goin up I bet you're not studying enough. What do you think the future holds you?

More she said that, more I wanted to die. She still thinks I'm just as able and ambitious as I was in prior to high school. She doesn't know the real me. No one does. More I try to hide it, more I wanted to yell at her face about it and more I'm crying as I'm typing this. I'm becoming this emotional wreck that I've never have been before. My mom just sees me as a fool who doesn't know what I'm doing and I need to fix my mentality. She is right, but just in a wrong direction. She acts like she knows more about me than i do. But no one does. They have never saw the true colors that I worked so hard to hide for 2 and a half years. And I feel it build up. I hate the fact that I have such a successful sister she constantly mentions and she expects me to be like her. She denies that fact but more I hear the conversation she wants me to be up there like her. Today she was like wouldn't you feel hurt if you merely went to the best state school here (which is still like #40 in the nation) while all your friends went to those top schools? Well not anymore because for 2 years (semester after my freshman year), I've been planning to run away where my parents will never find me and die without that knowledge of theirs. I even thought about getting a job after high school and earn my way for the burial. Today, I read about Switzerland as a suicide paradise, and to me, it seemed pretty appealing. She also constantly told me how I am like my dad and how I never listen to her. But my heart isn't telling me so for some reason that I don't want to listen and I feel like I'm already my dad. These days, my own younger brother is more self-sufficient than I.

She yelled at me for watching sitcoms and said I was out of her mind (well for me it was a mental escape, a distraction from suicidal thoughts) and said I won't even have a future if I keep watching. Well, I'm angry at the fact that she's shunning me from most of the social things that even my smartest friends do and the fact that my brother got more social life in a month than I did all the 3 years of my high school combined. Yet, his scores were much worse than what I had freshman year. I'm sick of it. I'm fed up! my friends because I don't know much about what some teens do these days, think I live in a rock!

I don't know if I even want a future anymore. I was on the verge of exploding at her about it.

I was thinking about choking my self til I passed out or overdosing myself. I can't take it anymore. I feel lost and I don't even have the guts to talk to a suicide hotline because if my mom finds out she'll be going nuts and think that I don't know what's best for me. Who does she think she is? I often want to tell her. It's a shame how the society I live in is extremely materialistic. They'll treat you well based on their children's intelligence and success (she's well respected cuz of my sister and me because they think i'm smart like her ughhh) and the mother's actions (how they're portrayed in the society). If their child goes to a community college or a state college, well, they're looked down upon and even condescended. It's a shame and I'm starting to become a shame. I'm lost, I want to run, I don't want to live.

I disagree with part of your statement below.

It's a shame and I'm starting to become a shame. I'm lost, I want to run, I don't want to live.

The part that you don't want to live. You Do want to live or you would not have posted here seeking help !!!
You don't want to Live like you are now, that I can agree with. and only You can Change that, with help of course. And you have taken the first step by posting here.

I'm sure you are intelligent, loving, caring and beautiful. you don't have to be The most Beautiful, Smartest woman on earth for others to love you.
But you do have to be the Most Loving and Caring Woman on Earth, Towards YOURSELF. You have to become Your Best Friend, You have to Love yourself First and Foremost, because if You cannot love yourself, how can you expect others too ?

Here is one way I will offer for you to " Run Away" spend some time learning about who you are, spend some time showing yourself and others who you are.

Join a Volunteer Community, like Red Cross, or Salvation Army or any of the many "Serve The Word" type centers that would love to have you help in even the smallest way.

Many of these, you can set a limit for yourself, availability etc. You can chose to go To Haiti or Africa or to a Tornado , flood, Earthquake ridden Disaster area.

Take some time off of School ( quarter/ summer ) and Dig in to helping Others with the things you know, can do, can teach, can help. It doesn't have to be Abroad, but those are options.

Go Look and Live and Learn with those who are so less Fortunate than you. Those that can't go to school, or have Lost all of their Families and have no one to try and " Nag " or expect them to be Better.
Those people , especially Children,will Love you for who You are, for your kind Heart, for your " Smarts" for your being willing to Love them as Strangers.

And Hopefully you will learn to Love Yourself and Show them that Love is all about Sharing .
Am I sounding Mean or Dispassionate ? I hope Not, I hope I am Showing Love and Strength, and letting you know that Your are worth having a " Tough Love " Talk with.

I lost my brother to Cowardice, Yes he was a Coward, His Anniversary of His Suicide was Jan 28th He took the Chicken Sh*t way out. It hurt all but him .. He didn't feel a thing .

But it hurts me and others daily. His Family, His kids without a Father...
Hearing someone by his name ,David, or a thought or someone who looks similar ?
It hurts and Never goes away.

So here it is Lil Secret 0524. If it is the last thing I can Do, I will make sure that you know you Are and Can be Loved just for being You. You cam PM me or you can post tears and in other places or I'll just ask you to be a Friend in the profile Part where you signed in ..

Love is Tough but Tough Love Shows you are !!!!!

You need medical help just as if you had a broken arm. If you had a broken bone, you wouldn't feel that you had to hide it from people. You would go and get it treated by a professional.

The same thing goes for mental illness. Many, many people suffer from a variety of mental illness that can cause thoughts of suicide. Don't discuss it with your mom if you don't want to but please find someone you trust to talk to or go to a student counsellor.

You deserve to get better and see a happy future for yourself. This is not the real you...it is an illness taking over your mind - don't let it - fight back with courage - go seek help.

You may not think so now, but you will be grateful you did.